By Selwyn HarrisJune is upon us, meaning that school's out, summer's on, and, at the video store, clothes are coming off! The hot season proves to be just that as June 2006 is bursting with bare babes in new movie releases on disc--so many, in fact, that we're devoting two separate features to this bumper crop. So pump up the AC, peel off your BVDs, and turn on to the hottest new T&A on DVD.
JUNE 6, 2006
nos amours (1983)
STUDIO: CriterionCo.com
NUDE: Sandrine Bonnaire (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: In English, nos amours means "To Our Loves" and that's to whom gorgeous Gallic dish Sandrine Bonnaire repeatedly reveals her naked form in this acclaimed romantic drama. Savory Sandrine plays a promiscuous Parisian. We get to watch.
The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things (2004)
STUDIO: Palm Pictures
NUDE: Asia Argento (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Following up her directorial debut, Scarlet Diva (2000), Italian eyeful Asia Argento helms this adaptation of the novel by (literally) bogus author J.T. LeRoy about a boy and his oftentimes inappropriately naked mother. As with her original effort, Asia again supplies her own skin on screen. The Heart may be deceitful, but there won't be anything fake about the part of you that gets hard as you watch her.
Underworld: Evolution (2006)
STUDIO: Columbia/Tri Star
NUDE: Kate Beckinsale (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The vampires-versus-werewolves sequel Underworld: Evolution skinstantly improves upon its predecessor by displaying lead succubus Kate Beckinsale's killer buns. That'll put a stake in your pants and have you howling!
The Three Burials of Melquaides Estrada (2005)
STUDIO: Columbia/TriStar
NUDES: Melissa Leo (Picture: 1), unnamed nudes
THE SKINNY: Directed by and starring Tommy Lee Jones, Three Burials is set on the Texas-Mexico border and features stunning scenery in the form of young starlet January Jones, who heats up the desert setting in a series of skimpy outfits. Further raising the temperature in this tale of kidnapping and body disposal is classy, curly-maned Melissa Leo. Look for her right booby at the twenty-one-minute mark. It will raise whatever part of you may have previously been buried.
Straight Into Darkness (2005)
STUDIO: Universal
NUDES: Linda Thorson
THE SKINNY: Veteran Canadian vixen Linda Thorson is best known for replacing Diana Rigg when she was a willowy young lass on the classic British TV series The Avengers in the late 1960s. In the World-War-II-set Straight Into Darkness, Linda, now fifty-seven, is coerced into removing her shirt and revealing her rack. And, indeed, she's still got it (or, actually, "them," as is evident here).
Semen: Una Historia de Amor (2005)
STUDIO: Warner Home Video
NUDES: Leticia Dolera (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Yes, that title is what you think. It translates to Semen: A Love Story, and this Spanish-made screwball comedy takes place amid the world of artificial insemination. Stunning Leticia Dolera makes Semen an interactive experience, as you'll be you making your own liquid donations to the site of her luscious nude form.
Entourage: The Complete Second Season (2005)
STUDIO: HBO
NUDES: Ling Bai (Picture: 1), Holly Valance (Picture: 1), Jeanine Giovanni (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: As HBO's hit bad-boys-in-Hollywood series Entourage heads into its third season on air, year two arrives on DVD. Among the pert pairs peppered throughout the showbiz misadventures of Johnny Drama and company are those of hooterific Holly Valance, luminous Ling Bai, and bare-jugged Jeanine Giovanni. This is Tinseltown TA at its most dazzling.
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JUNE 13, 2006
Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (2005)
STUDIO: Warner Home Video
NUDES: Shannyn Sossamon (Picture: 1), Michelle Monaghan (Picture: 1), Tanja Reichert (Picture: 1), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Lethal Weapon screenwriter Shane Black deconstructs the action-buddy movie in Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. The movie takes its title from a collection of cinema essays by Pauline Kael and casts Val Kilmer as a gay private eye and Robert Downey Jr. as a crook with whom he crosses paths (and sucks face). On the hetero side of things, a luminous array of lassies show skin.
Guardian of the Realm (2004)
STUDIO: Velocity/ThinkFilm
NUDES: Lana Pirian (Picture: 1), Tracy Erickson (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: An undercover cabal of demon slayers comes to the rescue of humanity (again) in Guardian of the Realm, an ambitious low-budget horror romp. Complete with diabolical overlords, hideous mutants, and impressive special effects, Realm also bedazzles with the bare bodies of Lana Pirian and Tracy Erickson--and surely no effects can ever be more special than that!
Beyond the Valley of the Dolls: Two-Disc Special Edition (1970)
STUDIO: 20th Century Fox
NUDES: Cynthia Myers (Picture: 1), Dolly Read (Picture: 1), Erica Gavin, Angel Ray, Samantha Scott (Picture: 1), Marcia McBroom (Picture: 1), Susan Reed
THE SKINNY: After a run of increasingly brilliant and profitable independent productions throughout the 1960s, funbag-obsessed skinematic visionary Russ Meyer teamed with critic-turned-screenwriter Roger Ebert to take on trashy "adult" novels, rock-and-roll, the satanic underpinnings of show business, and the overall madness at the core of humanity itself in Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. The result was a cult classic, a milestone in outrageousness, and, for thrill-seeking movie-goers, one of the greatest films ever made. All-girl rock combo The Carrie Nations set out to make it in Hollywood, and "make it" they do--with male groupies, lesbians, jet-set orgy enthusiasts, and all manner of way-out weirdoes, building to a freak-show climax utterly (and udderly) unlike anything else ever projected onto a screen. Complete with Meyer's trademark mighty-mammaried glamazons and searing color-saturated photography, a genuinely swingin' soundtrack, and Ebert's genius script, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls is one of the most eagerly awaited of all DVD releases, and it will have you making your own releases for years ... to come.
Cemetery Man (1993)
STUDIO: AnchorBayEntertainment.com
NUDE: Anna Falchi (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: When it comes to horror, Italian zombie movies are in a class by themselves. And when it comes to hotness, the Italian zombie classic Cemetery Man is also in a class by itself, as it features skinstantly lust-igniting leading lady Anna Falchi. Rupert Everett plays a graveyard worker whose routine chores including dispatching reanimated corpses. When the love of his life, Anna, loses hers, things get a little sticky--a feeling you'll get accustomed to when eyeballing ferociously beautiful Falchi's nude scenes.
L.A. Story: 15th Anniversary Edition (1991)
STUDIO: Artisan
NUDES: Cheryl Baker
THE SKINNY: Funnyman Steve Martin takes a crack at being a West Coast Woody Allen in L.A. Story, wherein he plays a middle-aged Angelino plagued with romantic complications. With onscreen partners like Marilu Henner, Sarah Jessica Parker, and Victoria Tennant as the source of Steve's woes, it may seem hard to sympathize. Couple that with a sweet look at Cheryl Baker's suck sacks as she changes tops and all we can add is: "Well, excuuuuuuuse me!"
The Prince of Pennsylvania (1988)
STUDIO: Image-Entertainment.com
NUDE: Amy Madigan (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: The royal figure of the title of this coming-of-age comedy (complete with a fake kidnapping) is portrayed by Keanu Reeves. The nude figure displayed at the thirty-eight-minute mark belongs to Amy Madigan, who bares bum cakes and side ta-ta as she leaps out of Keanu's bed. Grab hold of your scepter and enjoy.
Valley of the Dolls: Two Disc Special Edition (1967)
STUDIO: 20th Century Fox
NUDE: Sharon Tate (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Valley of the Dolls, the all-time trash-classic novel by Jacqueline Susann, became this all-time camp-classic melodramatic milestone (just ask any gay male over thirty). The "Valley" is Hollywood, ever luring the young and beautiful to its illusive paradise with promise of fame, fortune, and floodlights. The "Dolls" are prescription pills that serve as perilous obstacles for those heeding Tinseltown's siren call. Valley follows the downward trajectories of up-and-coming hopefuls played by Patty Duke, Barbara Parkins, and Sharon Tate. Amidst all the agonizing tragedy is Sharon's character descending into blue movies. At the one-hour-twenty-two-minute mark, we get a peek of her in action. That'll get you high.
The Quiet Earth (1985)
STUDIO: AnchorBayEntertainment.com
NUDE: Alison Routledge (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: The last-man-alive concept has been richly mined in various science-fiction projects through the decades, and the New Zealand-made The Quiet Earth is no exception. One morning, a saxophone player (Bruno Lawrence) awakes to find himself alone on the planet. Or so he thinks. Of course, he finds company, and since it's in the naked form of Alison Routledge, it's hard to keep Quiet.
The Sisters (2005)
STUDIO: AnchorBayEntertainment.com
NUDE: Elizabeth Banks
THE SKINNY: The Sisters is an arthouse update of the renowned Chekhov play Three Sisters. And despite the sexy presence of frequent flesh flasher Maria Bello among the siblings, the only nudity comes from Elizabeth Banks. Fortunately she's gorgeous, so count on introducing Liz to Rosie Palm and her five sisters.
Survival Island (2004)
STUDIO: Showtime Entertainment
NUDE: Kelly Brook (Picture: 1 - 2)
THE SKINNY: "If only she and I could get shipwrecked on some tropical paradise ... " This eternal male fantasy has begotten multiple A-list TA entertainments in the past, including The Blue Lagoon movies, Paradise (1982), and Castaway (1987). Survival Island continues on this premise in a mo(i)st satisfying manner, with Billy Zane as the dude part of the roughing-it couple and superhumanly sumptuous British TV personality Kelly Brook as his infinitely better half. With a body of all-natural, volcanically stunning voluptuousness, there's no chance of Kelly drowning come monsoon season. But you might.
