By Peter Landau
He's a natty dresser, speaks in the measured, polite tone of a Midwestern Boy Scout master, and has amassed one of the filthiest bodies of work in cinema. He may be the weirdest man in show business, but David Lynch is the kind of oddball that makes Mr. Skin's life sleazy.
From his early animated shorts in the late '60s to the Hollywood features that have gotten him nominated for Oscars three times for Best Director, this helmsman knows how to steer things into dirty waters. Most recently, Mulholland Dr. (2001) had people scratching both heads with girl-girl action that makes porno limp by comparison.
With extras-packed DVDs of his carnal classics such as Wild at Heart (1990) beginning to flood the marketplace, it is fitting that his omnibus of the outrageous be filtered through the nude-eye view that Skin Central is infamous for. With one hand on the remote and the other probing darker regions, let the show begin!
The Elephant Man (1980)
Lynch already made a name for himself with his cult classic Eraserhead (1977), but none of his previous films contained nudity, and sadly neither does this. Hell, not one of the actresses in his film ever got naked onscreen! What producer Mel Brooks saw in Eraserhead that told him, "Yes, this is the man I want to tell the story of John Merrick," a turn-of-the-century Englishman suffering from the disfiguring Proteous Syndrome, is beyond the great minds at this site. But at least he cast wife Anne Bancroft, who made viewers' members graduate with her nude scene in The Graduate (1967), even if it was a body double. Merrick's bad looks certainly didn't come from his mother, played by Lydia Lisle, who's only other screen credit is in yet another take on the ribald tails of the Marquis de Sade called Cruel Passion (1977). What's cruel is that Lynch didn't take advantage of Lydia's penchant for showing off her skin here.
Dune (1984)
Riding a wave of critical acclaim got Lynch a big budget and stars like Sting, but he was too timid at this point in his career to feature any of the super-hot talent in the film nude. His version of this sci-fi classic about a desert planet made audiences salivate by populating it with juicy plums such as Virginia Madsen. The naturally top-heavy beauty could have solved the draught problem on the dry planet with a couple of squirts from her milk sacks. But to see those melons you'll have to check out Class (1983), her first exposure, or for her breast reveal visit The Hot Spot (1990). Spicy Italian sexport and wife of producer Dino De LaurentiisSilvana Mangano may play Reverend Mother Ramallo here, but for a truly heavenly look at her, take a peek at Oedipus Rex (1967). She flashes tit, but she's dead, so you have to take the good with the bad. She was a mere child in this film, her first appearance, but Alicia Witt went on to a topless turn in Four Rooms (1995). She also promises to blow the doors off of all four rooms with The Upside of Anger (2005), new to theaters this week. She shows off her hooters while screaming, "Fuck me!" atop a young stud. Yes, there's an upside all right . . . in my pants! Finally, everyone's favorite screwball Sean Young fills out our quim quartet. There's just so much this actress gives, it's a crime that Lynch kept her clothes on. In Love Crimes (1992) she remedies that.
Blue Velvet (1986)
At long lust, Lynch delivers on the perversity that had until now bubbled just below the surface of his films. This story of the sordid secrets behind staid suburbia features Lynch's then main squeeze, Isabella Rossellini (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4). Shockingly, this former model and progeny of filmdom royalty Ingrid Bergman and Roberto Rossellini had never shared her assets onscreen before getting blue and making everyone in the theater want to stroke their velvets. And what a nude debut it is. Isabella runs around in nothing more than a wig, but that overgrown trim is all hers! Thanks for sharing the goods, Lynch, you lucky bastard. Also showing up in the film is Laura Dern, who shows no skin here, but Lynch was just whetting our whistle for his next sex-travaganza.
Wild at Heart (1990)
Once he broke the skin barrier there was no turning back. If one naked lady was too much, than a thousand weren't enough for Lynch. Though there aren't quite that many nudie cuties in this flick, don't blame Lynch. He finally marched out more hot mamas than ever before. Based on the book by Barry Gifford, Wild at Heart is filled with freaks, and the freakiest parts were saved for the naked ladies. There's a character named Mr. Reindeer who likes topless honeys like Lisa Ann Cabasa (Picture: 1) to dance for him while he's on the toilet. Valli Leigh (Picture: 1) and Mia M. Ruiz (Picture: 1) round out Reindeer's sexy sleigh ride. There's a flashback in which Nicolas Cage gets it on with bawdy babysitter Charlie Spradling (Picture: 1), but as hot as her soft pillows are, it's Laura Dern (Picture: 1 - 2) in her first skin onscreen who really gets things wild at heart-on. Her Dern cute dumplings are exposed several times as she does it every which way and loose with Cage. But also heating this already boiling pot are some skinless scenes with skinful stars such as Sherilyn Fenn, who plays Girl in Accident. You'll have an accident watching her moons and everything else under the sun in Two Moon Junction (1988). Nobody does it like Sheryl Lee, here playing the Good Witch, but we like her better when she's a bad girl, like in Kiss the Sky (1999), where she gets it on with two guys for the price of fun! In a burning-hot uncredited scene, Debra Lamb is a smoking fire-eater, but this former exotic dancer made a name for herself at Skin Central with her moves in the Stripped to Kill series.
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992)
On a roll, Lynch kept the weirdness and the wanton women at a premium in his next feature, a prequel to his surreal TV soap opera of the same name. Now without the restrictions of network censors, the director was free to free his actresses from the constraints of their costumers' handiwork. Anne Gaybis (Picture: 1 - 2) introduces the cast to the joy of Canadian strip clubs, where she's onstage and under a red light that makes her boobies appear on fire. Moira Kelly (Picture: 1 - 2) and Sheryl Lee (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5) get into a topless altercation at the club, but that's only the midway point for sexy Sheryl and the copious amount of skin she flashes here. Earlier, Sheryl's nips came out and said hello as her boyfriend copped a feel. Later she's falling out of some white lingerie. Sheryl's naked abandon holds the film together and makes up for the non-nudity of such sweet peaches as Pamela Gidley, who plays a Canadian call girl here, but it's better to call on her in Liebestraum (1991) because she's naked. Heather Graham reprised her role from the TV show, but she really shows in Killing Me Softly (2002). And while Joan Chen's scene in the movie ended up on the cutting-room floor, there was nothing cut from her scorching lesbo scene with Anne Heche in Wild Side (1995). Nice twin peaks!
Lost Highway (1997)
Rounding out his trilogy of filth, Lynch upped the ante of arousal by featuring the busty beauty of Patricia Arquette (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4). It wasn't this naturally big-bosomed bombshell's first skin onscreen--that would be Wildflower (1991)--nor would it be her last, but it is arguably her breast! This is Lynch at his artiest, such as when Patricia is having sex in the dirt and her headlights are illuminated by the headlights of a red Ford Mustang. Adding to the confusion is Lisa Boyle (Picture: 1) getting nasty and topless with another woman in a film within the film. Meanwhile inside a car Natasha Gregson Wagner (Picture: 1) takes off her top to reveal her mini mams, which is sure to get your engine started. Lynch stalled on the nudity with two veterans of taking it all off. First there's John Waters staple Mink Stole, who appears as the disembodied voice of the jury forewoman. She looks much better in the flesh, such as in Waters's camp classics Mondo Trasho (1969), Pink Flamingos (1972), and Desperate Living (1977). Next is Head of the Class cutie Leslie Bega, who before flashing her tits on The Sopranos went against type playing a topless hooker in Uncaged (1991) and kept them loose in Time of Her Time (1999). It was the time of our time too!
The Straight Story (1999)
Lynch had to rest after that run of randy hits. His nuts must have been drained dry, but that didn't stop him from putting Sissy Spacek in this oddly touching piece about an old guy who rides his lawn tractor hundreds of highway miles to visit his estranged sick brother. Sissy plays a woman of questionable mental abilities, but she's not crazy enough to run around naked. No, she got that out of her system in a fully nude locker-room scene that opened up the horror hit Carrie (1976). She was still taking it off as late in her career as Raggedy Man (1981). It would have made this story that much straighter if she had gotten skinful again.
Mulholland Dr. (2001)
Just when you think Lynch is resting on his laurels, he surprises everyone with a piece of bizarre lesbianism that matches muff-divers Laura Harring (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3) and Naomi Watts (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3) in a coupling sure to have you cupping your balls in delight. The two share two scenes that are both so hot you'll have to whack yourself twice. But as sweet a treat as Laura and Naomi are, Lynch is still a tease when it comes to B-movie bimbo Rena Riffel, who never met a movie she wouldn't get nude in, such as Showgirls (1995). He has her go against type and keep her clothes on. Lori Heuring (Picture: 1) only hints at what she has to offer here, but she cashed that carnal check in True Blue (2001). Katharine Towne keeps things under cover here but gets loose in Sol Goode (2001), where she screams a topless orgasm, and goes wild in Go (1999). Lee Grant had been hanging around Mulholland Dr. since the swinging '60s, and her swinging sacks first made the scene in Shampoo (1975), but for a better look check out When Ya Comin' Back, Red Ryder? (1979). The marquee may be dark here, but Melissa George lights things up in Dark City (1998). Finally, Elizabeth Lackey gives TV audiences a Rude Awakening in the second season of the series from 1998 when she flashes her Down Under udders in bed. Someone should put a "Slippery When Wet" caution sign on this curvy drive.
Darkend Room (2002)
This short is true to its name, featuring blonde and crying Jordan Ladd and brunette and abusive Cerina Vincent in a dark room with the prerequisite strange music in the background. There's some sexual tension, but it's not released in the form of its stars naked bodies. If you want to release then enjoy Cheryl Ladd's buxom daughter's gymnastic lovemaking in her first and finest nude scene from the comedy Club Dread (2004). Cerina shared screen time with Jordan in Cabin Fever (2002), but, unlike her co-star, she shared her sweater puppies with the audience. It wasn't her first exposure, though; that would be Not Another Teen Movie (2001), in which she played Areola, the naked foreign-exchange student. Thankfully, those scenes were filmed in bright light.
Rabbits (2002)
Reuniting the horny dyke duo from Mulholland Dr., Naomi Watts and Laura Harring, should have been a teat for the eyes. While Lynch should have had the girls breeding like the rabbits this short is named after, instead he has them dressed like rabbits in a shockingly scary production--and not just because Naomi and Laura stay in their plush costumes. Still, you've got to love those bunny tails!
