Conan the Destroyer (1984)

Somewhere in between the time that Austrian-American bodybuilder and businessman Arnold Schwarzenegger made his breakthrough appearance in Conan the Barbarian (1982) and became the governor of California (2003-2011), he starred in the sword and sorcery sequel Conan the Destroyer (1989). Richard Fleischer’s PG rated movie includes appearances by Wilt Chamberlain, André the Giant, Pat Roach, and Olivia d’Abo’s d’Orbs! Thanks to a slinky dress, the blonde ingénue shows off her side boobs! Not to be outdone, evil Queen Taramis (Sarah Douglas) struts her stuff in sexy attire as she tries to retrieve some kind of horn. We found ourselves getting horny when wild woman Zula (Grace Jones) appeared on camera. This is particularly true when it comes to views of the built babe in battle. Due to her barely-there-wear, the be-thonged beauty flashes her ebony ass. The erotic sight is enough to make Mr. Skin surrender! In fact, Ms. Jones’s role was so memorable, Kim Wayans spoofed her on In Living Color (1990-1994). Through the years, there were plans to expand the Conan franchise with Conan the Conqueror, The Legend of Conan, and Conan the King. But so far, these projects have failed to materialize. We wish we could say the same for the getups on the comely cast in Conan the Destroyer. Although these women are scantily-clad and carry sharp objects, they never cut off their material. Instead this fantasy adventure insists audiences create their own fantasies since it dashes our dreams of seeing substantial nudity. Conan, you are a destroyer!