By J.R. Taylor
We're counting down to the launching of our inseams, as the networks begin to unveil the vixens of the fall 2007 television schedule. We've already ogled the bountiful babes who'll be stretching out the small screen on CBS, ABC, and NBC. Now it's time to enjoy the fresh faces-and bods-that'll be busting out on the upstart networks.
It's a special anniversary for our friends at FOX, as they mark twenty years of being on the air. FOX may lack the gravitas of the big three networks showcased last week, but they can take pride in having become a bona fide institution. They've given us plenty of boner finds too-and this year isn't any different, even if we do have to wait until midseason for the real influx of FOX foxes.
K-Ville
Cole Hauser and Anthony Anderson star as cops in post-Katrina New Orleans-but the flood in our Fruit of the Looms can be blamed on Tawny Cypress as fellow cop Ginger "Love Tap" Lebeau. Tawny got us tapping some vital bodily fluids back when the gal from Point Pleasant, New Jersey, gave us a hint of her pleasant points last season on Heroes. We're expecting K-Ville to cause more kaos in our Southern regions.
Back to You
This newscast comedy packs sitcom star power with Kelsey Grammer as an arrogant anchorman and Patricia Heaton as his scheming cohort. Patricia regularly raised the heatin' in our Hanes back when her MILFish mams gave us something to love about Everybody Loves Raymond (Picture: ). We're certainly hoping that this fictional newscast will try to raise the ratings with some plunging necklines.
Canterbury's Law
The midseason is set to sizzle as ER's Julianna Margulies (Picture: ) returns to network television as brazen attorney Elizabeth Canterbury-and since the executive producer is Denis Leary, we're hoping for the same kind of content that's made Rescue Me a daring hit over on basic cable. Maybe she'll even show up in a courtroom occasionally.
New Amsterdam
This heavily hyped show has been pushed back a few months, and that's got us mighty nervous-mainly because, unlike immortal detective John Amsterdam, we could get killed by a bus any day now. It's not that we're anxious to see Nikolaj Coster-Waldau as the titular cop solving crimes in New York City. This series also has Zuleikha Robinson as a lovely love interest-and, as we saw when she doffed her toga on HBO's Rome (Picture: 1), Zuleikha is zexy in any day and age.
The Return of Jezebel James
Busy career gal Parker Posey (Picture: 1) isn't able to get pregnant. Lauren Ambrose is her slacker sister who's willing to loan out her uterus. And we're standing ready with a turkey baster to do our part, but nobody's contacted us about what should be our dream role. Instead, it seems that all the impregnating will be strictly procedural-but Parker and Lauren still make for sizzling siblings who are perfectly matched as MILF material.
The Sarah Connor Chronicles
So what happened to the character of Sarah Connor between Terminator 2 and her death prior to the events of Terminator 3 (Picture: 1)? According to this new series, she was mostly chased by more cyborgs from the future-and we hope she spent a lot of time showering afterward, because lovely Linda Hamilton (Picture: 1) has been replaced by luscious Lena Headey in the titular role. This network role will be a change of pace for Lena, who's spent most of her career terminating her clothing in films ranging from Waterland (1992) (Picture: 1) to 300 (2006) (Picture: 1). We're still expecting this small-screen action to show off that big-screen bod.
We continue to have a hard time accepting a world without the WB. Not so much with UPN, but that's only because we'd had our fill of crappy Star Trek knock-offs. Anyway, it's another season of the combined network known as the CW, and we're pleased to announce that the hybrid offers plenty of chick watching.
Gossip Girl
The network's hottest new show is about Manhattan life as chronicled on the titular blog-and this blog has a lot of tits to tabulate. Blake Lively (Picture: ) plays the scandalous party girl who causes a stir when she returns to the city after a stint in boarding school. Leighton Meester (Picture: ) is her former sidekick who learns the old pal is back via the blog. There's plenty of drama among the young'uns, while the big'uns are busting out via Kelly Rutherford as a former rock groupie who's now flashing big rocks as a socialite.
Aliens in America
A typical Wisconsin family plays host to a Muslim exchange student, and Allah will get plenty of thanks once the new kid checks out Amy Pietz as the MILF-in-residence. We've been plotzing over Pietz for years, and cultural differences will hopefully get Amy ambling around the house in lingerie worthy of her recent appearance on CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (Picture: ).
Life Is Wild
What would prompt a New York City veterinarian to relocate his kids to a game reserve in South Africa? The answer is new wife Stephanie Niznik, who's definitely the shiznik. We've been ready to follow Stephanie anywhere since her full-frontal flaunting in Exit to Eden (1994) (Picture: 1). The underseen beauty finally broke through on the old WB series Everwood, and we're glad the CW is doing their part to keep us everhard.
Reaper
This supernatural show follows a young sap who finds himself working for Satan as a repo man chasing escaped souls. More importantly, Reaper tracks down two of the brightest babes from the old Jessica Alba series Dark Angel. Missy Peregrym showed up on Heroes last season, but her tight bod really gave us a workout in the sports drama Stick It (2006) (Picture: ). Valarie Rae Miller-who played a shining lesbian light on Dark Angel-also shows up to track down some hellacious bad guys.
Crowned
This midseason reality show should ignite plenty of imaginations with its high concept of a mother/daughter beauty pageant. We've had to use less imagination with judge-and former Miss USA-Shanna Moakler. We saw plenty of her hooters in Seeing Other People (2004) (Picture: 1) crowned her the queen of reluctant lesbians when she was set up by Jaime Pressly in Poison Ivy 3: The New Seduction (1997) (Picture: 1).
