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La belle captive

La belle captive (1983)

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If you want to have your art and wank it too, La Belle captive (1983) is the film for you! Alain Robbe-Grillet's surrealist T&A fest is heavy on the art-history references but easy on the eyes thanks to the presence of heaven-sent Gabrielle Lazure, who kicks off the dreamy proceedings by dancing around a disco in a see-through dress. Fabbo Gabbo refuses to tell assassin-for-hire Daniel Mesguich who she is, suggesting that she might not even be there at all—she could exist only in the past, or in the future; she could be real only in that moment; she might be nothing more than a memory of most spanktaculous mammaries. Dan's handler, Cyrielle Claire, sends him off to meet a contact, but he forgets all about that racket when he again sees Gab, this time bloodied up in the middle of the road. Dan takes her to safety, but strange people start popping up, reality starts to unravel, and visions of that toothsome sugarplum keep on dancing in his head. When he wakes up, she is gone (and may be ten-years dead!), the world's gone mad, and a sinister entity is after him.