My first lesbian experience occurred on a crisp, cold Halloween night. Her name was Charlotte and she worked as a bride of Dracula at the County Fair Haunted house.
I passed by her cobwebbed lair; Charlotte broke character long enough to ask if I wanted to get high. We slipped behind the plywood walls of the torture chamber. Charlotte pressed her dimestore fangs into my neck while I slipped my hands into her bodice and fondled her supernatural orbs (think Winona Ryder's pre-klepto cans in Dracula). The lusty ghoul had kneaded my young muff to near-climax when the swinging glow of a police flashlight sent us fleeing into the shadows.
Ever since that fateful October night, I've watched horror flicks to gratify my desire for the unnatural. I've banged myself batty to Jaws honey Susan Backlinie (Picture: - ), freeze-framing her bobbling boobies and doomed beach bum as she ran to her watery demise.
During my Wiccan phase, I busted countless moves to Britt Ekland's pagan striptease in The Wicker Man (Picture: - ).
Elizabeth Montgomery had already won my undying admiration for her portrayal of Bewitched bitch Sam. But I nearly fucked myself with the remote during her TV-movie turn in Legend of Lizzie Borden (Picture: ). What heights I reached watching the spinster murderess strip naked before dicing her parents with an ax.
This Halloween I'm inviting a few gals over from the dungeon to check out two of my all-time favorite lezzie horror shows: Jesus Franco's sexedelic Vampyros Lesbos (1970) and Harry K?'s masterpiece of moody sadism Daughters of Darkness (1971). How I pang to have lived in the early '70s, when traditional male-female roles were up for grabs, when sexploitation and horror directors explored the dark world of the vampire sisterhood.
Vampyros lesbos stars curvaceous Tuetonic wonder Ewa Str?rg as Linda (Picture: - - - ) and sinister long-haired brunette Soledad Miranda as Countess Nadine (Picture: - - ). Since she lost it to Count Dracula, Nadine has become not only a vampire but a radical femme dyke: "Men still disgust me. I hate them all." Countess Nadine appears in Linda's dreams, first as a leather-booted vixen dancing in a nightclub act with a busty short-haired partner who appears to be completely under her spell. The sinister sluts rub titties, exchange garters, and engage in extensive leg and ass worship. The recurring Sapphic nightmare offers the viewer increasingly bizarre repeat performances from the scantily clad pussy pals.
Linda's dream turns into reality when she and the Countess meet and become tight gal pals. The bean buddies hang at the beach, where robust milkmaid Linda's generous rump turns ruddy with sunburn after Nadine insists on a nude swim. Ewa Str?rg's scarlet nips strike a skinteresting contrast to Soledad Miranda's erect, bite-sized boobies. Agra (Heidrun Kussin), another victim of the Countess's bitchcraft, is a fetching blonde confined to an insane asylum who sports plentiful Nordic jugs and easily the most suckable spigots of the trio.
Dressed in a man's oversized white shirt and what appear to be flesh-colored panties, Agra is prone to psychosexual "visitations" from Countess Nadine. During her seizures Agra appears to undergo what the French call "little deaths", squirming, bucking, and moaning as if she's being fucked by an invisible sex fiend. "She was inside me; now she's gone," Agra cries. Agra's finest fit occurs in her hospital bed. Tangled in white sheets, the balmy broad writhes and whimpers through yet another sexorcism while treating her shrink to a prolonged examination of her crazy cans.
For me, the highlight of any lezzie horror fest is the initiation scene, in which the more experienced bloodsucker bites and/or bangs her prot? for the first time. After sipping blood from a giant chalice, Nadine and Linda consummate their union in Nadine's red-and-white '70s pad. The depraved dykes kiss and nerp-slurp each other, until suddenly we cut back to blissful Agra in her nuthouse crib, caressing a colorful dildo that resembles a baby's toy. In fact, Vampyros offers such a spellbinding array of deviant snatch-action that the Ravi Shankar meets Quinn Martin soundtrack starts to sound sexy.
Most fans of succubus cinema remember The Hunger (1983) for Susan Sarandon's (Picture: ) skinful initiation into the world of the undead under the loving tutelage of glampire Miriam Blaylock (Catherine Deneuve). It's still worth the rental price to see bug-eyed Sarandon offer her wicked wobblers to her elegant mistress.
But if you dug Deneuve's cold beauty and A-list A-cups, check out Delphine Seyrig in Daughters of Darkness. Seyrig's coldly beautiful three-hundred-year-old Countess Bathory is the obvious inspiration for Miriam Blaylock. In K?'s film, Danielle Ouimet plays Countess Bathory's latest girl-slave, willowy Valerie (Picture: - - - ), a stylish but na? European bride who is honeymooning with her husband Stefan.
The film opens with naked newlyweds Valerie and Stefan (John Karlen) enjoying a spirited honeymoon hump as they speed across Europe on a night train. Stefan fondles Valerie's hope chest with a violent, possessive lust. Later Stefan's thinly veiled aggression explodes when he savagely beats his cowering wife with a leather belt.
The doomed lovers check into a deserted Belgian hotel in the dead of winter, the only guests until Countess Bathory and her "secretary" Ilona (Andrea Rau (Picture: - - - )) arrive. Around the fireside one night, Countess Bathory reveals she is a direct descendant of Countess Scarlet, an infamous sadist who slaked her thirst with the blood of virgins. Kindred spirit Stefan practically blows his load as he and the Countess recite de Sade-style descriptions of exotic torture and carnage while horrified Valerie flees in disgust.
Ilona, with her dark Dorothy Hamill hair, full red lips, and schoolgirl dress, plays sinister waif to Valerie's fair-haired innocent. At the Countess's urging, Ilona spies on bare-breasted Valerie as she tries to screw her increasingly psychotic husband back to reality. Later, while the Countess recruits disenchanted Valerie into the world of the lesbian undead, Ilona offers herself to Stefan. The blood-waif proudly displays a puffy pair of rosebud pacifiers to match her red, messy mouth as she licks and sucks the adulterous bastard in his wedding bed.
Their illicit love-feast culminates in a rough-and-tumble bathroom scene in which Stefan carries the water-shy temptress into the shower. Ilona reveals her neat tan muff, lipstick-red nipplage, and pale shapely ass. When the Countess Bathory and Valerie return to the hotel, Stefan and Ilona pay a horrible price for their sloppy sexploits. I won't spoil the end, except to say that Countess Bathory and Valerie satisfy their bloodlust with a strangely erotic transfusion that has fueled many a cinematic self-abuse session for yours truly.
Can't get your fill of succubus cinema? Gorge your perverted appetite on these Sapphic-vampire gems.
The Vampire Lovers (1970)
This classic from the golden age of vampire skin flicks offers skin-tastic performances from frequently topless Madeline Smith and Ingrid Pitt, as well as a lovely post-bathtub shot of deviant Ingrid's squeaky-clean ass.
An Erotic Vampire in Paris (2002)
Watch Misty Mundae's mini-milkers meet Tina Krause's super funbags in one of the hottest titty-trysts in recent cinematic history.
Caress of the Vampire (1996)
If you like your vampires with big jugs, you'll dig Jessica English's fake but phenomenal floppers in this sinister m?ge ?wat that overflows with monstrous mams.
The Vampire Carmilla (1999)
Lipsticks and ultra-femmes will love the old-school seduction (soft caresses, lingering fingertips, and milky skin) in this tender update of a classic vampire tale.
This John Carpenter kink show stars David Lynch hottie Sheryl Lee, who bares the creamy Twin Peaks of her eerie ass.
The scene where Melissa Sagemiller catches lusty lezzies Angela Featherstone and Eliza Dushku in a clandestine boob-squeezing clutch is well worth the rental price.
Embrace of the Vampire (1994)
An orgy of B-level armpit-licking, belly-kissing, boob-biting action in which comely Alyssa Milano sacrifices her gazongas to a fiendish girl-guy duo.
Anulka Dziubinska and Marianne Morris try to cleanse themselves of unnatural desire in one of the greatest girl-girl shower scenes ever; soaking-wet kisses and nip slurps abound.