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Rapa Nui

Rapa Nui (1994)

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If you ever wanted to know how those giant stone heads got erected on Easter Island, well, go to the library. But if you want to get erect from a movie based on the legend of that mysterious island, then Rapa Nui (1994) is for you. Squeezed between Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) and Waterworld (1995) in director Kevin Reynolds' filmography, critics questioned the historical accuracy of this film that's largely based on legends of the Rapanui people. But these days, in a world where Ancient Aliens is always throwing all sorts of nonsense about the statues at the wall, this film is nothing! Essentially a story of class differences set on Easter Island, the flim finds the Chilean Island split between the haves and have nots. The haves are the tatted up, gauged, sort of hipster looking "Long Eared" people, while the working schmucks are the "Short Eared" people, who don't get cool ear gauges to wear. The King (Ariki-mau) keeps forcing the short eared people to build bigger and bigger statues, and killing them when they're not making it happen fast enough for him. Noro's (Jason Scott Lee) a Long Ear, who is pretty happy with the status quo, except he'd like to marry Ramana (Sandrine Holt). The king says he can if he wins the big "Birdman" swimming/egg stealing competition, only for his Short Ear buddy Make (Esai Morales) to make the same deal with the king. The king should give up on the big heads and claim her for his bed, but that's not what happens. Instead, those two horny fellas become obsessed with winning the competition, to the point of missing that the entire island is on the verge of a peasant revolt. We can't blame them for failing to see the bigger picture after getting a gander at the bigums of French-Chinese beauty Sandrine Holt. The haltingly sexy Sandrine stars as the love interest our two battling bros, and spends much of the movie with her pagan idols showing. Viewers will want to worship them one-handedly after seeing he jiggle her jugs all over the place as the constantly topless babe. After seeing those tits, no wonder she's giving both men fits! Rapa Nui is the Easter Island story that'll have you risen!