The Oscar holdovers are mostly gone by March, making way for more indie fare to compete with the blockbuster releases the month has become synonymous with ever since 300 in 2006. We've got a Terrence Malick film, one of the most skinsational indie flicks ever made, some studio sex comedies, and a mystifying thriller with a killer cast all released on March 4 in Movie Nudity History!
2016: Knight of Cups
Prior to his quasi-return to form with last year's A Hidden Life, Terrence Malick made a trio of even more meandering than usual films that started with 2013's To the Wonder and finished with 2017's Song to Song. Sandwiched between them is this flick released on this day four years ago, which exhibits many of the worst tendencies of the director's most prolific phase of his entire career. It's also a downer of a trilogy, especially in relation to his incredibly emotional and uplifting 2011 film The Tree of Life. This is mostly just a trio of films following mopey heroes—Ben Affleck, Christian Bale, and Michael Fassbender—as they deal with the fallout from their terrible decision making.
Here, mopey screenwriter Bale wanders through L.A. in a fog over a period of days, indulging in introspection.He mopes about his wife, Cate Blanchett. He mopes about his mistress, Natalie Portman. And he also makes time for a mopey threesome with Raquel Zimmermann and Jessica Farrow, as well as cramming in a bit of mopey skinny dipping time with Isabel Lucas, who was similarly nude in a pool in the prior year's The Loft...
2011: Take Me Home Tonight
Love or hate Anna Faris and Chris Pratt as a couple, this is the film responsible for their relationship and basically his career. Made in 2007 and shelved for four years, the film finally hit theaters in 2011 when the wave of 80s nostalgia had more than crested. The film's premise was basically what if Eric from That '70s Show was in the 80s and had a bunch of new friends. The movie traffics in so much nostalgia it'sessentiallythe movie version of that old SNL Goat Boy sketch, "Hey, Remember the 80s?"
You can tell the movie was made in 2007 due to the presence of Dan Fogler, who is a perfectly good actor, but who Hollywood couldn't figure out what to do with during this time period. He was mostly relegated to roles that were played, in better movies, by Seth Rogen, Jack Black, and eventually Jonah Hill. Thankfully the Fantastic Beasts movies have figured out how to use him—hint, it's empathically, not obnoxiously—and he seems to be doing quite well. This was not a good period for him, though.
He did get to come face to funbag with a topless Angie Everhart, though, which is more than most of us not named Stallone can say...
1994: Sirens
Talk about a VHS tape in my collection that got good and worn out, this indie flick came onto the scene 26 years ago today,coming in the midst of a renaissance forindependent Australiancinema that included the same year'sThe Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desertand Muriel's Wedding, among many others. Miramax head honcho He Who Must Not Be Named had a real affinity for Australian cinema at the time and brought a lot of great films our way.
While most of the world was fawning over Hugh Grant in the midst of his breakout year, horny teens and men of any age, really, were obsessed with seeing Elle MacPherson nude! Talk about living up to the hype, the 29-year old showed off her absolutely perfect body, often alongside other busty beauties like Kate Fischer, seen here to the left...
A 20-year old Portia de Rossi—the future Mrs. Ellen DeGeneres—makes her screen and nude debuts here, going topless in the water to show off her perfectly petite pair...
Speaking of petite, the lovely Tara Fitzgerald goes completely nude for a fantasy sequence, thinking about sex and then imagining herself nude in church beside her husband, played by Hugh Grant, trying his hardest not to look...
Finally, we get de Rossi, Fischer, MacPherson, and Fitzgerald all nude together on a rock with futureWentworth star Pamela Rabemaking her nude debut in the middle of them, as theyassemble forone of the most phenomenal full frontal scenes in cinema history! God bless this movie...
1994: China Moon
It's funny that in the same year Ed Harris attempted to soften his image with a role as a dorky dad in Milk Money, he also played yet another one of the morally dubiouscharacters that became his stock in trade in this erotic thriller. As a horny detective in over his head, Harris finds himself falling for an abused woman (Madeleine Stowe), helping her cover up the murder of her husband, and finding himself in the proverbial world of shit...
Before we even meet Harris' character, we're introduced to Stowe's husband, sleeping with the gorgeous Patricia Healy over the opening credits...
1983: My Tutor
Porky's left a lot of imitators in its wake, with this 1983 flick about best budsMatt Lattanzi and Crispin Glover hoping to lose their virginity in the summer after they've graduated high school, but before they go off to college. Lattanzi gets the better end of the deal, first attempting to ditch his V-card with the sensationally stacked Kitten Natividad, though he passes out before he's able to go through with it...
His next attempt comes with Graem McGavin, who shows off her fantastic fun bags in the backseat of his car...
His next swing and miss comes when Jewel Shepard passes out after taking off her top...
Lattanzi eventually seals the deal with his titular French tutor (Caren Kaye), who beginsgivingthe young man an education he won't get in any classroom...
Also, Katt Shea falls victim to some horny teenage shenanigans when her dress is ripped off by the boys passing in a car, exposing her breasts...
1983: Baby It's You
Finally, on this day 37 years ago, John Sayles made one of his only attempts at mainstream success with this tender teenage love story. While not as skin-filled as his other 1983 release, Lianna, this tale of love between New Jersey high schoolers Rosanna Arquette andVincent Spano in the 60s. Spano's "The Sheik" is a notorious womanizer that Arquette's virginal Jill falls for despite her instincts telling her otherwise. What ensues is a tumultuous relationship, including Jill's deflowering scene, which you can check out below!
