Heaven's Prisoners (1996)

Anyone who dares to explore the depths of the evil that lurks in men’s souls or the sinfulness within the immortal essence of women, sooner or later has to take a trip to Louisiana. The bayou country of Heaven’s Prisoners (1996) is a landscape of moral quicksand populated by lapsed cops, dried-out boozers, tin-hearted strippers, erotically taunting gangster’s wives, serial slaughterers, dopers, narcs, and all the spooky sexy ambiance of the French Quarter. In our Cajun morality tale, Alec Baldwin is Dave Robicheaux, a former cop and former alcoholic who is minding his own business at home when a drug smuggler's plane crashes on the lake where he lives. Him and his wife (Kelly Lynch) manage to pull a little girl (Samantha Lagpacan) out of the wreckage, then adopt her since she has nowhere to go. Robicheaux decides to investigate the accident himself, which ends up being a huge mistake. His wife is killed, he gets beat up, he returns to hitting the bottle, and he sets out on a quest for revenge against local kingpin Bubba Rocque (Eric Roberts) that sure looks like a suicide mission. Life's not easy in The Big Easy, but it's full of ladies who are very easy on the eyes. Kelly Lynch gives us a nice look at her hanging hooters as she dives into the water in her bikini before hunching over to administer some mouth to mouth. Dangling those doubles in our face would sure spring us back to life! Connie Whittemore shows even more, taking her top off and doing some dirty dancing as a stripper that used to date Dave. But by far the best scene in the film is when Teri Hatcher goes for a full frontal stroll on her balcony, showing all three B's. We don't even have to throw beads for her to fulfill our needs! They're real, and they're spectacular! After watching Heaven's Prisoners, our version of Heaven is being a sex slave locked up for Teri!