Blue Velvet (1986)

What evil lurks in the grasslands of American suburbia? A severed ear crawling with ants, drug-sniffing Dennis Hopper, and a full-frontal Isabella Rossellini, that's what, at least in the world conjured by loon director David Lynch in Blue Velvet (1986). Teen sleuth Jeffrey Beaumont (Kyle MacLachlan) stumbles upon a human ear while walking home, only to hear from one of the cop's daughters (Laura Dern) that the sultry singer Dorothy Vallens (Isabella Rossellini) is somehow involved. Trying to solve the mystery, Jeffrey hides in Dorothys apartment only to see her getting beaten by Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper). Figuring that Frank's trying to force Dorothy into sex slavery, Jeffrey is too scared the cops are in on it to rely on them to help her. Suddenly, Jeffrey finds himself deep in the criminal underworld, as well as under the covers with Dorothy, as he tries to figure out whose ear was lopped off and exactly what's going on in his hometown. Since it's a Lynch flick, things get very weird, with a tight zoom on the bugs in the grass, a few dreamlike lip synching performances, and even a Dennis Hopper-Kyle MacLachlan lip lock! But even for such a bizarre dude, Lynch loves titties as much as any other auteur! No, Laura's large hooters don't make an appearance in this one, but it's not like Blue Velvet will leave you with blue balls. The Hardy Boys never got hard like Jeffrey did when he saw Isabella's body. Miss Rossellini will please your weenie with all sorts of three B baring scenes as she wanders outside, naked, meets Laura Dern, naked, and has all sorts of aggressive, violent sex with MacLachlan. Sure, she wore blue velvet, but we preferred when she wore nothing at all! You'll spew to Blue Velvet!