NOVEMBER 13, 2007 NOVEMBER 20, 2007 NOVEMBER 27, 2007
By Mike McPadden
Leaves fall from branches, footballs sail through the air, and, as autumn chills set in, the girls of November don wooly sweaters and the season's first heavy jacketsthe removal of which only makes it more fun to get them naked.
Still full from Halloween candy and casting a hungry eye toward Thanksgiving's bounty, let us contemplate the heady harvest of hotties arriving in newd releases on DVD.
NOVEMBER 6, 2007Buried Alive (2007)
STUDIO: Weinstein Co.
NUDES: Erin Lokitz (butt) (Picture: ), Lindsey Scott (breasts) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: In real life, college pranks occasionally result in horrific loss of life. In fright flicks like Buried Alive, could they possibly turn out any other way? Here we have a gaggle of university adventurers running wild in a cabin so sufficiently creepy that its caretaker is played by Tobin Bell, a.k.a. "Jigsaw" of the Saw movies. As expected, scheduled shenanigans do not play out as planned, albeit with a nifty twist: not only does a ghost show up, but he's got an axe! Even more satisfying is the exposed flesh of a couple of comely coeds.
A Feast of Flesh (2007)
STUDIO: Camp Motion Pictures
NUDES: Amy Lynn Best (breasts) (Picture: ), Zoe Hunter (breasts) (Picture: ), Lesley Vernot (breasts) (Picture: ), Rachelle Williams (breasts) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Born from the passion of star Amy Lynn Best for The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982), the 2007 vampire-hooker hybrid A Feast of Flesh casts the busty brunette as a bloodsucking madam. Amy's real-life husband, Mike Watt (not the punk musician), directs and stars in Feast as a mercenary hooked up with the Irish Republican Army. Instead of battling British forces, though, Watt's men must contend here with a brothel full of plasma-hungry undead prostitutes. Raunchy, rollicking, packed with female nudity, and unquestionably one of a kind, A Feast of Flesh is just that and even more.
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry (2007)
STUDIO: Universal Home Video
NUDE: Jessica Biel (butt) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Adam Sandler and Kevin James play loutish New York City fireman who fake gay marriage to collect employment benefits in the hit comedy I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Severely straining their ruse is Jessica Biel as the pair's attorney, who, believing her clients are homosexual, repeatedly parades about in slinky get-ups and teeny bikinis, even letting some upper butt crack peek out on camera. Ms. Biel really knows how to make a guy feel.
In My Father's Den (2004)
STUDIO: Tartan Video
NUDE: Emily Barclay (breasts) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: The New Zealand drama In My Father's Den casts Matthew Macfadyen as an acclaimed war photographer who returns home to visit his ostrich-farmer brother. Since he hasn't been in town since age seventeen, much is revealed, including the munchable mammaries of Emily Barclay (Picture: ) as she relaxes in the bath. That scene with a tub will give you a rub-a-dub-chub.
STUDIO: Maverick Entertainment
NUDES: Cristina Chirila (butt) (Picture: ), Jenna Harrison (breasts) (Picture: ), Algina Lipskis (breasts)
THE SKINNY: The title character of the unique, sexy thriller Natasha is a beautiful young woman rubbed out by the mob in St. Petersburg along with a strip-club owner. The action picks up when Natasha's cousin Anna (Cristina Chirila), who worked for the dead man, swipes her relative's passport and flees Russia for a small town in England, where she poses as an exchange student staying with a vicar's family. The faux Natasha profoundly effects everyone in the village, not the least of whom is Christine (Jenna Harrison), the gorgeous daughter of the vicar who develops an intense lesbian crush on the visitor. When Russian gangsters spot Anna on the Internet, they hightail it to Britain, where a raging pursuit ensues. Natasha serves up slam-bang action peppered with luscious Euro babes baring their best parts.
Pretty Things (2001)
NUDE: Marion Cotillard (FFN) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: In Pretty Things, Marion Cotillard plays two characters, twin sisters Marie and Lucie, whose radically different lifestyles overlap when one of the sisters dies. The surviving sister decides to investigate her late sister's world and is plunged into a hothouse of sex, drugs, and power-hungry megalomaniacs. Cotillard takes it doggy-style and later, lying in bed, gives us a nice long view of the butterballs.
Stage Fright (1987)
NUDE: Mary Sellers (breasts) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: A traveling troupe of actors rehearses in a small-town theater for their next productiona play about a homicidal maniac who wears an owl mask. Suddenly one performer turns up gorily murdered. Then another thesp bites the dust. The players panic and try to escape, only to discover that they're locked in the auditorium with a lurking killer. No wonder these people have stage fright. A high-tension, deep-impact flesh-and-blood giallo directed by cult favorite Michael Soavi, Stage Fright is one horror flick you should not be afraid to stand up and cheer about.
She-Wolves of the Wasteland (1987)
STUDIO: Echo Bridge Home Entertainment
NUDES: Roxanne Kernohan (breasts), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: The post-apocalypse B-movie rip-roarer She-Wolves of the Wasteland takes place in a future devoid of men. It's good, then, that we can watch it now, because that means nothing but ladies to eyeball end to end. Persis Khambatta, the bald babe from the first Star Trek movie, plays a wicked villainess out to enslave the world full of lovelies. Kathleen Kinmont is the heroine. At stake, as in Children of Men (2006), is a woman who has miraculously become pregnant. With crazy action, radioactive mutants, and sword-wielding '80s bikini babes gone berserk, She-Wolves is howlingly hot. Ah-whooo!
Cannibal Man (1972)
NUDE: Emma Cohen (left breast)
THE SKINNY: A much-sought-after bootleg among horror fans, the Spanish-made outrage Cannibal Man hits DVD in such pristine condition from Blue Underground that it's nauseatingand that's intended as high praise! Vicente Parra plays Marcos, a slaughterhouse worker who, at the end of a bad week, accidentally kills a cab driver with a brick. Then he has to kill his fiance because she wants to blab to the police. And from there it's an ongoing bloodbath, with bodies piling up and gore running red as Marcos loses his mind and almost loses something else to a gay neighbor who's been eyeballing him. Although no human flesh is consumed on camera, Cannibal Man makes more than a mouthful for fright freaks.
NUDES: Lina Romay (breasts) (Picture: ), Sabrina Siani (left breast) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Sabrina Siani plays a European lass raised as a white goddess by cannibals in Cannibals, a.k.a. Mondo cannibale, a film by gore auteur Jesus Franco, who even makes a cameo in the film. That Hitchcockian turn is nothing compared to the cock hitch of Sabrina, who equates godliness with toplessness. Spanish hall of flasher Lina Romay also adds her talents to the production.
Creature from the Hillbilly Lagoon (2005)
STUDIO: Pop Cinema
NUDES: Heather Christine (right breast, butt) (Picture: ), Tanith Fiedler (breasts) (Picture: ), Leigh Radziwon (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Originally titled Seepage!, Creature from the Hillbilly Lagoon dumps a cadre of college-age city slickers into the boggy backwater of the title, then lets various inbred yokels and a half-fish, half-hayseed mutant run amuck with them. As the poster proclaims of its slimy protagonist, "It turns rednecks into deadnecks!" The female talent on display will turn you anything but dead, and it won't be your neck where you feel it most. Parts of you will become red, though.
Un da sin sexo (2005)
NUDE: Vanessa Saba (breasts) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: The Peruvian comedy Un Da Sin Sexo chronicles one day in the life of four couples who have, collectively, got copulation on their minds. The players range from teenaged to middle-aged, but they all share a common obstaclemiscommunication, misunderstanding, and oftentimes hilarious mishaps when it comes to intermingling between the sheets.
Mountain of the Cannibal God (1978)
NUDES: Ursula Andress (FFN, butt) (Picture: ), Luigina Rocchi (breasts) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: It's a jungle out there in Mountain of the Cannibal God. Ursula Andress is a slave, and the cannibals are half-naked nubiles who live to strip our heroine and paint her orange. It's easier to pick her out from the foliage that way, as if even a savage would have a difficult time identifying the charming markings of the buxom Swiss miss. Ursula is searching the bush for her missing husband. But the natives are restless and more interested in her bush, displayed when she's bound and massaged by a pair of juggy bunnies. The gods are happy, and you'll be slaphappy.
Almost Brothers (2004)
STUDIO: First Run Features
NUDE: Maria Flor (breasts) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Miguel (Werner Schnemann) is an upstanding senator. Jorghino (Antnio Pompo) is a dope peddler doing life behind bars. In this 2004 Brazilian drama, the two lifelong friends are Almost Brothers. The plot spans from the central characters' divergent paths from their initial meeting as youngsters in the 1950s to their shared prison time in the '70s (Miguel for political dissidence, Jorghino for selling drugs), right until their present-day circumstances. Adding spice is Maria Flor, who busts out her mouth-watering mangoes. Oh, Brothers!
NUDE: Rie Rasmussen (left breast)
THE SKINNY: Supermodel Rie Rasmussen plays the title character in the black-and-white, Paris-set drama Angel-A. She's a top-franc hooker who attempts to off herself by leaping into the Seine River, only to be foiled when another would-be suicide named Andre (Jamel Debbouze) dives in after the self-destructive tall drink of water and drags her back to shore. This second chance prompts Angel-A to help her sudden savior, who's faced with gambling debts that hover on the brink of becoming lethal. Angel-A is a moving, gripping romance that becomes positively spellbinding when Rie lets fly with her left Angel A-cup.
STUDIO: First Look
NUDE: Heather Graham (breasts) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: The David Lynch-esque indie drama Broken casts heavenly Heather Graham as Hope, an aspiring songbird who's suffering through the hell of heroin addiction. Will (Jeremy Sisto) is her equally bedeviled boyfriend. Together they while away their existence at the diner where Hope waits tables to customers who suspiciously (and artfully) seem to represent her own inner torments. Broken is a heady exercise, to be sure, and never more so than when Heather breaks those Golden Grahams out of her shirt and makes us all feel (w)hole again.
The Insurgents (2006)
NUDE: Juliette Marquis (breasts)
THE SKINNY: A quartet of homegrown U.S. terrorists gathers and constructs a bomb to detonate on American soil in the twisty political thriller The Insurgents. Told out of chronological order but leading up to the moment of the attack, The Insurgents asks questions, shares ideas, and provokes thought in a world where no one can be sure of whom to trust or which cause might be the most worthy. Juliette Marquis portrays the main squeeze of one wannabe bomber. When she unveils her luscious lacto launchers, prepare to feel a thermonuclear meltdown in your lap.
The Killing Kind (1973)
NUDE: Sue Bernard (breasts)
THE SKINNY: The Killing Kind begins with serial-killer-to-be Terry (John Savage) on a beach with a chick played by Sue Bernard. We then pick up with him two years later after he's out of prison and living with his creepy mother, Thelma (Ann Sothern, who runs a boarding house. Cindy Williams plays a hot model who rents a room, and Terry wants to get a womb with her view. But Savage's mama says no-no and madness ensues. The real reason to be angry is that Cindy never shows her Laverne and Shirleys.
The Man of My Life (2006)
STUDIO: Strand Releasing
NUDE: La Drucker (FFN)
THE SKINNY: You loved her as pert-nerped Beth in the Tawny Kitaen kink classic Gwendoline (1984), and now French dish Zabou steps behind the camera to direct the guy-crush drama The Man of My Life. Married man Frdric (Bernard Campan) and his wife, Frdrique (La Drucker), invite their gay neighbor, Hugo (Charles Berling), over for dinner. Soon the dudes are the best of buds and Frdrique worries that the boys' time together might blossom into something more. All she need do, however, is look at her own topless loveliness, which she displays here most deliciously. That lass has got nothing to worry about.
No Mercy for the Rude (2006)
STUDIO: Weinstein Co.
NUDE: Ji-hye Yun (breasts, butt) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: The shoot-'em-up No Mercy for the Rude chronicles the slam-bang doings of severely speech-impaired hitman Killa (Ha-kyun Shin), who vows to only bump off targets who prove to be impolite. When he makes enough money from all this murder-for-hire, Killa plans to pay for an operation that will restore his voice. Wild action erupts end to end, pausing only when Killa romances a bar girl named She (Ji-hye Yun) who bares her North and South Korean knockers. Have Mercy!
Queer as Folk: The Complete Series
STUDIO: Paramount Home Video
NUDES: Angela Asher, Michelle Clunie (FFN, butt) (Picture: - ), Thea Gill (breasts) (Picture: ), Natalie Harvalik (FFN) (Picture: ), Tracy Waterhouse (FFN) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Don't fall for the conventional wisdom; homosexuals are different than the rest of us. For one thing, they have much more sex, at least if we're to believe Showtime's Queer as Folk. These folks are queer and they don't care who knows it. The soap opera follows the young and the hung as they take drugs, swap partners, and go clubbing into the night. But if watching a pair of guys get razor-stubble burns on their cheeks as they wetly kiss one another is not your cup of tease, fear not. Queer in this case also means lesbian, and the show offers more than enough rug munchers to satisfy the non-limp-wristed. Michelle Clunie loves Thea Gill, and audiences love watching them squeeze and lick. When the guys go out clubbing to bang a gonad, just go to the fridge and get a snack. When you return to your TV, there will be tasty morsels to drool over.
Bad Boys: Uncut and Uncensored (1983)
STUDIO: Anchor Bay
NUDE: Ally Sheedy (left breast) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Before it was the stoned reggae chorus of Fox TV's proto-reality show, Bad Boys was an early Sean Penn vehicle. Penn plays the bad boy of the title who's in love with the good girl, played by Ally Sheedy. The other bad boy of the title is Esai Morales, who's pissed when Penn runs over his baby brother during a botched drug deal. Penn goes to jail, and Morale gets intentionally thrown in jail to seek even more revenge on Penn. These kinds of stories never end well, what with the futility of violence and all that, but along the way there're some Ally oops, as she very briefly flashes a bit of her left boob. And for those into Penn-manship, there's even a shot of his hard ass and bad-boy love gun. Bad Boys means good times for the rest of us boys.
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES: Agostina Belli (breasts) (Picture: ), Sybil Danning (breasts) (Picture: ), Nathalie Delon (breasts) (Picture: ), Joey Heatherton (breasts) (Picture: ), Karin Schubert (breasts, butt) (Picture: ), Maril Tolo (breasts, butt) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: We'd have plenty of wives too, if we could get the selection that Richard Burton stars with in the kinky thriller Bluebeard. His trophies include the likes of Raquel Welch, Joey Heatherton, Nathalie Delon, and more. Of course, Burton's character is kind of cheating, since he racks up the honeymoons by killing off his unlucky spouses. You can't be envious of his sex life, either. He isn't really capable of having onewhich is the main reason that he keeps burying his brides. Anyway, this amazing oddity features an incredible cast of naked beauties. Welch doesn't shed her clothes (or, more accurately, her nun's habit), and neither does Virna Lisi. Still, there are plenty of stellar turns by Heatherton, Delon, Agostina Belli, Sybil Danning, Karin Schubert, and Maril Tolo.
NUDES: Trine Dyrholm (breasts) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: A teenager in the German army slinks off during a pit stop at a fast-food restaurant and hits up his parents' vacation home for some RR in the laconic German drama Bungalow. With his moody arthouse hit, director Ulrich Khler weaves a bittersweet tale of teen torpor in which the grind of military service can't hold a candle to a long, lazy summer of skateboarding, watching TV, and getting laid. Beautiful blonde Trine Dyrholm stars as a Danish actress who becomes the object of ex-soldier boy Paul's (Lennie Burmeister) affections. The hottie proves she's well worth abandoning the barracks for in a couple of ravishing scenes.
I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
NUDES: Uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: The Lindsay Lohan vehicle I Know Who Killed Me hit theaters at the height of its star's tabloid misadventures and sort of got lost between all the DUIs and bad daddy shenanigans and shaved-vagina-lips paparazzi exposure. The movie is a twisted, twisty thriller concerning Lohan in a dual role (of sorts) as Aubrey Fleming, an aspiring writer who may or may not also be a stripper (albeit one who does not take her clothes off on screen). After Aubrey vanishes for a spell and then turns up maimed and dazed, it seems as though she escaped from a sadist's underground lair. Too bad, then, that Aubrey can't remember how she got that way. I Know Who Killed Me then pieces the puzzle together in highly engaging fashion, with nude strippers sprinkled about to keep viewers' laps popping while the mystery has their pulses pounding.
In the Winter Dark (1998)
STUDIO: BFS Entertainment
NUDE: Miranda Otto (breasts) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: The acclaimed Australian drama In the Winter Dark depicts the lives of residents living in a remote village, where something has been attacking the livestockand then a woman turns up dead in the woods. The troubled townsfolk come together to deal with the outside predator, all the while confronting their own inner torments. Miranda Otto plays a pregnant hippie whose lover leaves her, and then, in a moment of liberation for her character and viewers' libidos alike, she loses her shirt. Miranda makes this Winter melt.
Winter Kills (1979)
STUDIO: Anchor Bay
NUDES: Belinda Bauer (FFN, butt) (Picture: ), Helen Curry (breasts) (Picture: )
THE SKINNY: Director William Richert's Winter Kills, adapted from a novel by Richard Condon (The Manchurian Candidate), is a wild, kaleidoscopic phantasmagoria of conspiracy theories piled on top of (and inside and all around) one another with ferocious black comedy and unflinching ambition. That the movie was ultimately buried for years by its studio only adds cachet to its story of Nick Keegan (Jeff Bridges), the brother of a none-too-subtly-JFK-like murdered president, who investigates the assassination and finds one cover-up after another, leading to more puzzles, dead-ends, and open questions than he could have imagined. Winter Kills's astonishing cast includes John Huston (in the pseudo-Joe Kennedy part), Anthony Perkins, Elizabeth Taylor, Toshir Mifune, and, in her very last screen appearance before completely disappearing from public view, Candice Rialson. There's also sufficiently impressive nudity to render the mind-blower Winter Kills into some genuinely hot stuff.
NOVEMBER 13, 2007 NOVEMBER 20, 2007 NOVEMBER 27, 2007
NOVEMBER 20, 2007 NOVEMBER 27, 2007