Bad Santa (2003)

In Bad Santa (2003), con man Willie (Billy Bob Thornton) and his pint-sized pal Marcus (Tony Cox) have been making a living for years by going to malls across the country pretending to be Santa and his faithful elf during Christmas time, then robbing the store after they've learned its ins and outs. After casing the latest mall for a week, they plan their annual heist for Christmas Eve. The holidays are less than holy with this demented duo in toe. Not your average Chris Cringle, slick Willie counts on the tingle in his dingle (fueled mostly by boomingly hot bartendress Lauren Graham and hot butt sex with strangers in changing rooms) and whatever alcohol he can get his paws on, to give him his rosy glow. Meanwhile, his little person friend Marcus is unhappily enslaved by his materialistic mail-order bride Lois (Lauren Tom) who needs his constant presence and presents to make her happy.

When the scamming Santa winds up caring about a bullied fat kid named Thurman (Brett Kelly) with nobody but a gaga grandma to look after him, and the director of department-store security (Bernie Mac) catches wise to the pair’s disguise, will their Grinchly ways lead them to the jingling bells of maximum-security prison? Regardless, in this festive farce you’ll find yourself snorting and saying, “God bless them, every one.” If Mr. Skin knew pretending to be St. Nick had so many women lusting for your dick, he'd have pursued an entirely different career! Bad Santa porn, maybe?

Lisa Ross does some dancing in a bra and panties as our Mall Santa hangs out as a strip club, enjoying some great toplessness from an uncredited black stripper. No free lapdance? Don't they want to tell him what they want this year? Thanks to that body we have a sore wrist, and a new spot on the naughty list! What we wanted was a hot MILF, so we're happy to inform you it's Lauren Graham who will really have you dreaming of putting on the red suit and letting her go down on you after you come down the chimney. We see Lauren's bare back as she's letting Willie put his willy in her in the hot tub and get a good look at her perky presents as she lies down in a black bra before Thurman catches mommy kissing Santa Claus and ruins the whole thing. Nothing's less merry than a blue twig and berries! Still, those scenes in Bad Santa will have you emptying your sack!