Vatel (2000)

Vatel (2000) is rated PG-13, but before you click off this page, we’re happy to note that there’s plenty of nudity considering its family-friendly-ish rating. The period piece from France takes place in 1671, with war brewing with Holland, a penniless prince invites Louis XIV to three days of festivities at a chateau in Chantilly. Gerard Depardieu is the guy put in charge of the shindig. He’s a man of honor, talent, but low birth and finds himself smitten by the king’s new mistress, played with alluring charm by Uma Thurman. So, now we have a plot and some conflict, but how’s the movie? We get to see how the coming revolution of the next century was seeded in these decadent times, but how decadent were they? Pretty goddamn decadent it turns out. Uma’s big top nearly escapes the tent of her low-cut dress when she’s seen running out of the king’s quarters, and though it’s only rock-and-rolling cleavage, we like it. She does appear topless in a dark scene, seen only in silhouette, but our hairy eyeballs detect a body double. There are, however, four water nymphs dancing with their breasts clearly visible through their costumes and sometimes even a nipple pops out. You’ll pop out, too.