Shakespeare in Love (1998)

The Bard gets the romantic comedy treatment in 1998's "Best Picture" Oscar winning drama, Shakespeare in Love (1998). Set in 1593, this fictional tale tells the story of Shakespeare (Joseph Fiennes) struggling with his newest production, Romeo and Ethel, the Pirate's Daughter. Him and his backers really need him to write the play soon, and for it to be a huge hit, but the only way William thinks that's going to happen is if he gets his willy wet in a beautiful babe who will act as his muse. His first choice Rosaline (Sandra Reinton) doesn't work out since she's getting worked out by another dude, but suddenly Will meets Viola De Lesseps (Gwyneth Paltrow), a woman with a passion for the stage who is bound to marry a noble bore, and the Bard gets super hard. Hello stiff cock, sayonara writer's block! She goes in drag to auditions for the play and lands both the lead and the playwright, who begins to edit his story to reflect their bourgeoning love affair. Star crossed lovers? Rosaline? A balcony scene? Anyone who passed ninth grade literature class should know that thanks to Gwyneth, Will's working on a different play than the pirate's daughter one. While we appreciate good lit, we're more about good tits. So, with all due respect to the many clever allusions to Shakespeare's plays sprinkled throughout the film, we much preferred seeing Will play with Viola's areolas. All the world's a stage and here that stage is a peepshow, which you'll understand after seeing Paltrow, who won the "Best Actress" for the role, flash her perky pair while in bed with William. We appreciate his writing, but Mr. Shakespeare really could have packed the Globe by showing those globes! Sandra Reinton's sandbags get a quick shot, too, but Viola is the star of the topless show. Plenty of people thought Saving Private Ryan (1998) got robbed at the Academy Awards, but with more shots of Gwyneth Paltrow's boobs than we could shake a stick at, we preferred Shakespeare in Love.