Hanukkah (2019)

Although he grew up Catholic, writer/director Eben McGarr looked at all the Christmas slashers out there and decided Jewish kids deserved to be terrified during the Holiday season, too. In an attempt to rectify that situation, Eben crafted the gore filled salute to The Festival of Lights, Hanukkah (2019). Billed as "A Torah-fying new tale of Horah," the film follows a religious psycho named Obediah Lazarus (Joe Knetter). Obediah's dad was a notorious serial killer who carved "the scar of David" into anyone who he thought wasn't living a Kosher life, and thirty-six years after the cops killed dear old dad, Obediah has decided to continue pop's work. We follow a group of Jewish young adults who are in for eight horrific nights of terror when they and their Rabbi realize they are being targeted for violating Judaic laws over the years, and they need to repent or else. Actual Jews might appreciate all the in-jokes, including a wild scene where the "Hannukiller" carves a swastika tattoo off a Neo-Nazi's skull and turns it into a yarmulka. But whether you've been through the bris or you're rocking the turtleneck, your schlong will appreciate the film's insane amount of T&A. Grab your Torah because you're going to need to say a prayer or two after what you do to yourself seeing nude scenes from Caroline Williams, who lies naked in a filthy tub alongside Victoria De Mare. Louise Rosealma showed all three B's while tied up, but also got lezzy with Sadie Katz. We bet the orthodox had to use those hats to cover their cocks after watching that girl on girl! Throw in toplessness from Sarah French and Maya Kochurova, and there's plenty for you to drool over! We'd do crazy things to those ladies for eight straight nights! On a more somber note, this marks the last film for iconic character actor Dick Miller as the Rabbi and was the second to last film for epic horror star Sig Haig too! Still, there are no shortage of stars, scares, and naked scream queens in this one! Those hotties will light every man's menorah watching Hanukkah!