Conan the Barbarian (2011)

A heavy metal action classic gets a nu-metal update with Conan The Barbarian (2011). While rumors about Arnie returning as an old version of the character that made him famous kicked around Hollywood for years, that never happened. Instead, we got a reboot where Game of Thrones’ Jason Momoa stepped into Ah-nold’s heavily muscled shoes as the titular Cimmerian warrior, who sets out on a mission of vengeance after the massacre of his people. Khalar Zym (Stephen Lang) is after the Mask of Acheron, a necromancer crafted mask that allows the wearer to bring back the dead, but has been broken into a bunch of pieces and scattered across the globe. He slaughters everyone in Conan's village but our titular Barbarian, then bounces, leaving young Conan to pursue a life of piracy. As a pirate he finds out that in order to make the mask's magic work, Zym needs a girl descended from the women who made it. Ends up, that girl's Tamara (Rachel Nichols), who Conan just happens to rescue. He's got the girl Zym needs, so it's not long before we get the showdown we've all been waiting for. The BOOB-barian skinvasion begins a mere 1 minute into this flick when Aysun Aptulova bares her pair as she’s tied up for a human rack-rifice. They're nice! Alina Puscau and Zlatka Raikova both show snookers as the leaders of a colony of topless slave women that Conan rescues, and Rachel Nichols appears to reveal rackage in bed with Conan, but beware the black magic of a body double. It was a box office bomb that most people didn't think came close to the original, but one thing it does have going for it is the nudity. Yes, Conan will give you a bone, man.