Apocalypto (2006)

Madman moviemaker Mel Gibson's Apocalypto (2006) chronicles the final days of Mexico's Mayan empire, as reflected by the brutal experiences of a young hunter named Jaguar Paw (Rudy Youngblood). After a wild-boar hunt, Jaguar Paw's peaceful village is ransacked by Mayan marauders who take him into captivity. The ensuing action--all of it brutal, gory, and electrifying--centers on Jaguar Paw's escape from and subsequent slaughter of his tormentors, as he races to rescue his wife and son who are hidden in an underground cave. Along the revenge trail, there's a Mayan girl predicting the end of the Empire, and by the time the human sacrifices, slave auctions, and human target practice is over, she might just be right. See, the ships of Spanish Conquistadors open the door for Jaguar Paw to run off with his family, but he's running headfirst into a hugely uncertain future. Speaking of pulling out the Jag rag and pawing at yourself, this one's set in a time and climate wherein tops on women weren't even considered, Apocalypto is packed with National Geographic-style nudity. And that means a lot of tits-o. Lazua Larios plays Sky Flower, who we'd love to deflower after seeing her lovely body. At one point, her man is tied up and she's kidnapped. Amidst all the fighting and the biting her jugs are jiggling all over the place! But the Mayan we want to make all mine is Seven, played by Dalia Hernandez. She's pregnant, and her swollen sacks of love will have you saucing all over the place. You'll feel yourself up to scenes of her fleeing, as well as messing around with her husband and kids. The Mayans might have botched that 2012 end of the world prediction, but who could focus on continuing the calendar with cans like those in your face? Forget the apocalypse and focus on the nips in Apocalypto!