Troy (2004)

Troy (2004) is the quintessential Greek tale of warriors fighting the good fight for tail. Loosely based on the poem “Iliad” by Homer, the big screen adaptation undergoes the Hollywood treatment with American heartthrobs (Brad Pitt, Garrett Hedlund), Australian performers (Eric Bana, Nathan Jones), and British thespians (Sean Bean, Peter O’Toole) playing the parts of Ancient Greeks. The story gets underway when Helen, the Queen of Sparta (German actress Diane Kruger) falls for Prince Paris of Troy (English actor Orlando Bloom). The two make a beautiful couple — as seen in a sex scene where they shed their threads to make love. The skintastic act affords us views of Ms. Kruger’s nude booty. If that’s not hot enough, the historic hottie also bares her beautiful breasts. The only problem is this naked lady is married to Menelaus (Irish actor Brendan Gleeson). As the King of Sparta, Gleeson gets the competing kingdoms go to war over his wife’s whoring. Of course, if you paid attention in school you’ll know how the picture ends. The film scored an Oscar nomination for Best Costumes despite the fact that the best parts take place when Diane is naked. This sword and sandal epic also includes Julie Christie, Saffron Burrows, and Rose Byrne flashing her flesh in bed! Although the movie received mixed reviews, it was a hit at the box office and in Mr. Skin’s spank bank. While Helen of Troy was launching a thousand ships, we’re guessing millions of audience members were launching something else!