Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)

 A sequel that ignores every movie in the Texas Chainsaw franchise except the original The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974), Leatherface is straight up in your face in Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013). Just after the events of the original movie, a mob of enraged locals came along and burned the Sawyer house to the ground in anger over that other Lone Star State chainsaw massacre. The only survivor was a little baby. Flash forward a few decades and we meet the mysteriously burn scar covered Heather (Alexandra Daddario), who has inherited the Sawyer estate. She travels with her friends down to Texas to check out the place and cash in on her new financial windfall. When she arrives, however, she discovers that she's not the last surviving Sawyer after all. The Sawyer with the saw is still alive, kickin, and really pissed off! Since it's a slasher flick, it'd be pretty reasonable to think we'd be getting some double D's in 3d. However, this one disappoints in a major way by being nudity free. We do get some sexy stuff, though which is worth a third dimension mention. Malcolm in the Middle and LOST star Tania Raymonde plays the slutty character, as evidenced by her constant cleavage. At various points, she strips down to a pink bra, then tries to seduce a dude in a thong. That'll rev your engine! But the real missed opportunititty comes from having Alexandra Daddario, whose names sounds like a dude stuttering while staring at her humongous hooters, never flashing her stupndous set. While we do see her lying around in a black bra as she makes out with her boyfriend, at one point she's stripped down and tied up by the bad guy, with her shirt wide open. Somehow, her tore open shirt still manages to block most of her boobs, though we do get some sexy side action. Seem farfetched? Ends up, Alexandra was willing to let those things breathe, but the director decided against it. What a fool. Texas Chainsaw 3D would be a whole lot more watchable if we chain-saw those!