Saint Francis (2007)

With a cast that includes legendary softcore director and producer Zalman King, pin-up and fetish babe Dita Von Teese, and naturally delicious porn starlet Stephanie Swift, the horror flick Saint Francis (2007) definitely has more sinners than saints! The plot revolves around a despondent addict named Francis (Charles Koutris) whose mother committed suicide in front of him when he was six years old. His father Dr. P (Zalman King) is the leader of an evangelical cult who can't keep it in his pants, his sister Soul (Dita von Teese) is a madam for high-class hookers, and his brother Sid (Casey Anderson) is a drug dealer in debt to a ruthless gangster. But Francis has the worst issues in the family. He can't sleep, is struggling to determine reality from the dream world, and just might be strapped to a hospital bed getting worked on by surgeons with no idea why. Eventually we flashback to see how he ended up in this predicament, including a possible deal with the devil. Things are confusing and super trippy, but also good and nippy, since there's a ton of nudity in the film. We get to see Dita’s naked knockers when she’s dead in a car trunk, full frontal from the porcelain twins Zen and Zero during a dizzying dream sequence, and all three B’s from Roxanne Arvizu as she strips down in the bathtub. And to top it all off, there’s topless lesbian action featuring adult actresses Kaylani Lei, Julia Ann, Stormy Daniels, and Stephanie Swift in the bonus features. More like Boner-us features! Saints be praised, you'll be fiddling with your Frank watching Saint Francis!