Movie 43 (2013)

One of Hollywood's biggest mysteries revolves around how so many A-listers ended up in a flick as objectively terrible as Movie 43 (2012). Apparently, the key was that the comedy took years to make, which let them hunt down A-listers and adapt to their busy schedules, and that the short vignette structure meant actors only had to commit to filming for a couple of days. It certainly wasn't the quality of comedy bringing them all in. The twelve shorts that make up this film contain such crude delights as Anna Faris playing a coprophiliac (that's a poop fetishist, for all the non-Latin majors), Kristen Bell as a super heroine cursed with an unusually large super-snatch, Halle Berry making guacamole with her (obviously prosthetic) boobs while playing a depraved game of Truth or Dare, and Kate Winslet and Emma Stone delivering dialogue so filthy, you'll want to wash their mouths out with soap. But all that star power can't compete with the skin power of Barbie-esque blonde Cathy Cliften, who goes full frontal as the "iBabe," an Mp3 player that also happens to be a life-sized naked woman. The company upgrades to Cherina Monteniques Scott for the iBabe 2, with twice the storage power, which Richard Gere apparently appreciates. No gerbil joke, though, which is disappointing. Still, talk about the Apple of our eyes! We'd sure love to get between those thighs! We 1-4-3 those Movie 43 titties! Beth Littleford uses a body double for a scene where he son figures out he just jerked it to her work in porn. We also get to see Anna Faris straddling Chris Pratt before he gets diarrhea, which was a lot funnier before the divorce. To be clear, it was never funny, but it was funnier before. While it's more than a little disappointing that this film contains precisely zero Emma Stone nude scenes, the best thing we can say about Movie 43 is that there's nudity for you to see.