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House of the Dead

House of the Dead (2003)

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The first Uwe Boll video game adaptation ever, House of the Dead (2003) convinced the world he was a terrible director who made god awful films. But real skinema fans know no movie can be that bad if it shows that many baddies taking their tops off. Based on Sega's arcade shoot-em up of the same name, in the film some partying young people go to an island off the coast of Washington where there's supposed to be a big rave. But when they get there, the ravers discover the place is overrun by vacant-eyed, drooling maniacs—oh, and there are also a bunch of zombies on the loose. Still better than being stuck at Fyre Festival. It ends up, the island was once home to a murderous Catholic priest who invented a potion to keep himself immortal, and he is now somehow controlling a group of evil zombies. Walking dead, aim for the head, time to fight, don't hide the bite, by now you know all the zombie movie tropes and this one's chock full of them. But even if it's not very original, this one deserves credit for finding a feasible reason why the female victims would be dressed in incredibly hot clothing. Erica Durance, Sonya Salomaa, Mashiah Vaughn-Hulbert, and Penny Phang are all cheerfully chompable as they dance their way out of their tight tops and show off some mighty meaty treaties. Mashiah flashes her funbags for the guy holding a video camera during the rave, Sonya's topless while washing dishes on the boat, Penny bounces her boobies onstage at the rave, and Erica shows all three B's while skinnydipping on the island. Say what you will about Mr. Boll, those are some well crafted tituatations. We want every girl from House of the Dead in our bed!