In Cold Mountain (2003), wounded confederate soldier Inman (Jude Law) struggles to escape from the Civil War and return intact to his beloved belle Ada (Nicole Kidman). His lover girl spends her days wanting and waiting while trying to save her family's farm with the help of “There ain't no man better than me” ranch hand Ruby, played by ruddy-faced, plumply packed Renée Zellweger. Distracted by horny hillbillies like Katherine Durio, who flashes her perked peeks and back valleys, the soldier’s trek to Cold Mountain stays at a comfy, nerf-perking ninety-eight degrees. “You are all that keeps me from sliding into some dark place,” Inman tells his wanton woman in letters. Mr. Skin would welcome a slide into a dark place, as long as it’s attached to the strawberry-patched Nicole. Do what you can to come back and dive Inman, before Ruby teaches your gal to be more skindependent! No Kidman.