By Morris Reynolds
If there's anything I love more than a living doll between my lips, it's a cigarette. All it takes is a match, some rolled Virginia tobacco, and a good inhale to send me off on a cloud of contentment. But if you want to light my fire, then shove a butt in the hot maw of some sweet thing and watch my pack go king-size.
Chicks are hot, and usually they increase in their degree of hotness by taking things off, yet when a lady adds a burning stick to her mouth she literally ignites. The only way to put her out is by using your flesh hose. I'd love to see a cigarette in every woman's mouth, and when she's done I've got a hard cigar in my pants she can smoke.
But the draconian laws against smoking don't get me mad. Why should I complain when the no-smoking ordinance empties office buildings, even in bone-chilling winter, of secretaries in mini-skirts sucking on their cigarettes? Talk about oral gratification, the sight chills my bone!
Even better are when the tarts of Tinseltown get ready for their close-ups and the camera finds a cigarette hanging out of their pretty mouths. Check out Tracy Scoggins (Picture: ) in Alien Intruder (1992) for a close encounter of the erotic kind. Deborah Harry (Picture: 1) doesn't show her Blondie in Videodrome (1983) but does get off burning her breasts with a lit cigarette. Burn, baby, burn! While there's no nipple, a topless Polly Walker (Picture: 1) gets my cracker in Dark Harbor (1998).
There's nothing foul about a habit that puckers up a meaty pair of lips. Ignore the bleeding hearts of Hollywood who would exorcize smokers from movie land. Rather, let's celebrate the art of smoking. Thanks to Mr. Skin, who never met a fetish he didn't like, I've spent a carton of Lucky Strikes worth of time exploring his wonderful site and have come up with a top ten list of the breast moments in smoking. Enjoy these lucky strikers.
10: Katrin Cartlidge (Picture:1) in 3 Steps to Heaven (1995)
Here are my three steps to heaven: Step one, Katrin topless, step two, place a lit butt in her mouth, and step three, I'm in heaven. Hell, cigarettes may cause cancer, but aren't there some things worth dying for? The English call cigarettes fags, but there's nothing gay about comely Katrin's itty-bitties.
9: Rula Lenska (Picture:1) in Undercovers Hero (1973)
Is there anything better than a post-coital smoke? Yeah, doing it while smoking! Here Rula really is a hero, but thankfully she's not completely undercover. Her soft pair peeks out while she chooses to have her smoke after smoking her man in this flick. And I'm all for a woman's right to choose.
8: Jennifer Ehle (Picture:1) in The Camomile Lawn (1992)
Jennifer exposes the superiority of British telly to the sanitized American version. No Stateside TV show has allowed a woman of Jennifer's beauty to let it all hang out as skinfully as here, where she even shows off her lush lawn. Maybe that day will come for us Yanks, but nothing makes me want to yank it more than this scene when Jennifer is topless in the bathtub with a cigarette in her mouth and her man on the toilet. That kind of kink is too extreme even for HBO!
7: Greta Scacchi (Picture:1) in White Mischief (1987)
Common sense tells us not to smoke in bed. But Greta flies in the face of convention and turns her boudoir into a den of sin. Not only are her boobs free and flowing, but she's got both a lit cigarette and a glass of bubbly. When you're this hot anything you do is a fire hazard. A girl that bad has got to be good!
6: Carol Kane (Picture:1) in The Last Detail (1973)
Early in her career Carol wasn't the cut-up she matured into on sitcoms such as Taxi. Here she plays a hooker who, after servicing serviceman Randy Quaid, unwinds with a smoke. Her long, kinky hair partially obscures Carol's cigarette-lighter-sized tits. Too bad she didn't burn off her long locks when she lit up, then we could have re-titled this movie The Lust Detail.
5: Karen Black (Picture:1) in In Praise of Older Women (1978)
Again, there must be some kind of anti-smoker's conspiracy. Everyone talks about the dangers of smoking in bed, but here I'm less concerned about Karen's burning cigarette than the hot cup of tea she shares with Tom Berenger. If he spills some of that boiling brew on his trouser beast then how is he going to make use of Karen's teacups?
4: Brigitte Lahaie (Picture:1) in Henry & June (1990)
The writer's life is clouded with smoke, but this biopic of infamously sexual scribe Henry Miller saw best to edit out the scribbler and focus instead on his better halves. They include Maria de Medeiros, as the equally erotic diarist Ana?Nin, and Brigitte, who is billed only as Henry's Whore. That whore likes a good smoke when seducing a topless Maria. Forget cigarettes and coffee--give me cigarettes and lesbians!
3: Christianne Gout (Picture:1) in Undercurrent (1999)
I'm not going to endorse the use of wacky tabbacy. I prefer the terminology of marijuana cigarette, but after watching Christianne suck on a joint completely nude in this hot scene, I can only say that it makes me wish she'd suck on my joint. Talk about getting high.
2: Francesca "Kitten" Natividad (Picture:1) in Night Patrol (1984)
Even for a freak like myself, it's nearly impossible to keep my eyes on the burning ember of Kitten's joint. Here she plays a free-loving hippie who's nude from the waist up sharing some pot with the pigs. But considering her bountiful bosom, being half nude is still more flesh than most women expose when completely naked.
1: Nicole Kidman (Picture:1) in Billy Bathgate (1991)
Drum roll, please. Ha, that's a smoker's pun. Butt seriously, folks, one Nicole, three mirrors, and her three B's gets an A in my book, especially when one notices that she's smoking a C. It doesn't get any better than this. I think I need a cigarette.
