Bacterium (2006)

The grade-A B-flick Bacterium (2006) finds schlockster director extraordinaire Brett Piper in top form, going The Blob (1958) on the twenty-somethings in terror genre. Beth (Alison Whitney), Jiggs (Benjamin Kanes), Brook (Miya Sagara), and Chandler (Andrew Kranz) are your typical fun-seeking youngsters planning an adventure in the woods. They’re looking forward to a weekend playing with paintball guns, even if it will be a tad messy. Little do they know that things will end up becoming a real mess — especially when they happen upon a fancy abandoned house. Of course, it’s not so much abandoned as it is infested by a flesh-eating alien bacterium slime creature which was part of a military experiment to develop the ultimate biological weapon. Oopsie! It also turns out that there’s an AWOL government scientist in the basement trying his darnedest to defeat the blob. Did we mention the house is surrounded by commandos under orders to take out anyone or anything that tries to leave? Will our poor paintballers survive, or will they lose to the ooze? Speaking of, Ms. Sagara oozes onscreen appeal when she shows off her cleavage in a black brassiere. In other words, her bra-clad peaks will pique your interest! If that’s not titillating enough, Ms. Whitney sheds her threads for a gas-masked no-goodnik who locks her in a room with no one to keep her company, save for her nude boobs and booty. Suffice it to say, the comely cast of Bacterium will leave your spine and your pants tingling!