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Marie Antoinette

Marie Antoinette (2006)

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Teen Queen Marie Antoinette (2006) gets the biopic treatment from Hollywood royalty Sofia Coppola. Starring Kirsten Dunst as the infamous "Madame Deficit", this isn’t your parents’ historical drama. Opening up with a post-punk soundtrack from Gang of Four, this film is a modern take on the old “Let them eat cake” story, while remaining a period piece at the same time. Marie is just fourteen years old when she's sent from Prussia to marry Louis XVI (Jason Schwartzmann). But even though they get married, the dude won't do her! Not even any head! (That's called foreshadowing). So for a ton of time Marie spends her days hanging out, spending money on random trinkets, gambling, and occasionally trying to seduce her hubby. Eventually, she makes it happen, has a couple kids, and starts an affair with Swedish sex machine Axel von Fersen (Jamie Dornan). But soon enough, her party girl lifestyle catches the ire of the French citizenry, and it's revolution time. We don't have to give you a spoiler alert to mention that in the end, the former teen queen meets the guillotine. Speaking of awesome execution, Kirsten provides all the film's sexy stuff, though that shot of her rear at the beginning of the flick is actually a body double. The upper crack a bit later while being dressed by her handmaidens is definitely Kirsten’s keister. Use your handmaidens to express your appreciation! There's also some good Madame Deficit tit when she gets disrobed an dressed by the dimepieces working for her. We'd grab any of those ladies for our Versaill-ed piece, but there's no doubt Marie Antoinette is the French fox we'd most like to get! Let them eat cake, then break them off a piece of that! Viva la France but this movie ruined our pants since Marie Antoinette will have you royally horny!