By Mr. Skin
Ah, April, when a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of baseball, bratwurst, and boozing outdoors, on top of his normal year-round fixation on boobs, butts, and bushish. Mr. Skin greets the thaw with a red-hot round-up of the very breast new releases on DVD.
April 1, 2008
The Cook (2008)
STUDIO: Anchor Bay
NUDES:Nina Fehren (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1), Brooke Lenzi (breasts) (Picture: 1), Kit Paquin (butt)
THE SKINNY:Mark Hengst stars as the titular culinary maniac in the sorority-house-set horror comedy The Cook. When a gaggle of hungry coed hotties hires a master European chef to liven up their campus menu, they could never imagine that he might be a cannibal who's eyeballing their fine forms as potential skin-gredients! Fortunately The Cook enables us to inspect the master baker's raw materials in the form of nude scenes from Nina Fehren, Brooke Lenzi, and Kit Paquin before they end up dished out for consumption.
Fear House (2008)
STUDIO: Lifesize Entertainment
NUDES:Meredith Barnett (left breast) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The fright flick Fear House casts strawberry-blonde dream-baby Aleece Jones as horror novelist Samantha Ballard, who checks herself into a spooky castleand doesn't check out. Alone and in groups, Samantha's family descends on the ominous dwelling to search her out and, in relentless procession, they succumb to deaths that arise from their worst fears. Meredith Barnett plays a character who lives in terror of having her shirt ripped open by a ghostly hand, thereby exposing her left breast. She dies that way too.
Fiorile (1993)
STUDIO: Koch Entertainment
NUDES:Chiara Caselli (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: For two centuries, Italy's Benedetti clan has been known as the "Maledettis," due to their relentless bad luck. Where did this bum trip begin? That question is answered by the sprawling historical drama Fiorile. As Napoleon's army storms Italy, French soldier Jean (Michael Vartan) goes ga-ga for local hottie Elisabetta (Galatea Ranzi). Unfortunately the shipment of gold that Jean is supposed to protect gets swiped by Elisabetta's brother, which leads to execution, death during childbirth, and 200 years of bummers visited upon the pair's descendants. On the upside, Bolognese beauty Chiara Caselli does bust out her Italian Alps. That will make you Fiorile good.
The Good Night (2007)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDES:Sonia Doubell (breasts) (Picture: 1), Penlope Cruz (butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: While he's asleep, floundering Englishman-in-New-York Gary (Martin Freeman) repeatedly has visions of a mystery beauty played by Penlope Cruz. Then he meets the literal woman of his dreams in real life. No wonder they call this movie The Good Night. Gary seems to have it pretty great to begin with, as his live-in girlfriend is portrayed by Gwyneth Paltrow. Still, he's consumed by Cruz, whom he chases after getting lucid-dreaming lessons from an expert in the field (Danny DeVito), but not so much that he can turn down a lapdance from nipple-flashing Sonia Doubell. Her two turn this into one great night.
Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)
STUDIO: MGM
NUDES:Wendy Lyon (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1), Beverley Hendry (butt)
THE SKINNY:Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II begins in the late '50s with a high-school prank. Mary Lou is about to be crowned prom queen, but her jealous ex-boyfriend throws a stink bomb at her, which proceeds to incinerate her dress and the lovely beauty within it. Cut to present time, Wendy Lyon finds Mary Lou's charred sash and tiara and is possessed by the vengeful spirit of the dead girl. Murder ensues, but so does a little girl-girl action when the fully nude Wendy interrupts a classmate in the shower for a lesbian rub down. Hello, Mary Lou . . . goodbye heart-on!
John from Cincinnati (2007)
STUDIO: HBO
NUDE:Keala Kennelly (left breast) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY:David Milch, creator of Deadwood, returned to HBO with John from Cincinnati, a "surf noir" series about a seriously screwed up Southern California clan whose lives are changed by a newbie to the community: mysterious, mystical Austin Nichols, a surfer with a strange manner and even stranger powers. Canceled after its first-season finale due to disappointing ratings, the show still has plenty of fans, probably due in part to Rebecca De Mornay, Chandra West, and Keala Kennelly's bra-free cans.
Kaos (1984)
STUDIO: Koch Lorber Films
NUDE:Enrica Maria Modugno (breasts) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY:Kaos is the Greek word for "chaos" and the title of this four-part anthology film centered on the comings-and-goings of everyday life in Sicily. Directed by the acclaimed brother team of Paolo and Vittorio Taviani (The Night of the Shooting Stars, Padre padrone), the quartet of tales in Kaos each feature bravura performances, profound writing, and exquisite cinematography that highlights the natural beauty of the movie's Mediterranean locations. Among the most breathtaking sights are the bare Italian Alps of topless starlet Enrica Maria Modugno.
Sole Survivor (1983)
STUDIO: BCI Eclipse
NUDES:Anita Skinner (Breasts) (Picture: 1), Brinke Stevens (breasts) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: After a disastrous plane crash, Denise Watson (Anita Skinner) is the Sole Survivor. Soon she is haunted not only by memories of the tragedy, but by the specter of Death itself, who definitely seems to be under the impression that Denise was supposed to go down with her fellow passengers. Rather than collect our heroine first-hand, the Grim Reaper sends his minions in the form of the recently deceased. One live wire is Brinke Stevens, who will bring even the most dormant libidos back from the dead in a killer nude scene.
APRIL 8, 2008
The Adventures of Baron Munchausen: 20th Anniversary Edition (1988)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDE:Uma Thurman (right breast) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The product of former Monty Python funnyman Terry Gilliam's fried and twisted brainpan, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen is a fantastical costume epic that ventures deep into the absurdly delightful land of whimsical make believe. In his campaign to save a besieged town from marauding Turks, a valiant nobleman of the 1600s extricates himself from the belly of a hungry sea monster, takes a side trip to the moon, waltzes Venus around a room, and outfoxes the grim reaper himself. Replete with stunning sets, magical encounters between history and fantasy, and exuberant dialogue rich in enchanting word play, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen is a delightful thrill ride.
Alien Agent (2007)
STUDIO: Allumination
NUDES:Emma Lahana (butt)
THE SKINNY: The title character of the sci-fi film Alien Agent is Rykker (Mark Dacascos). He's a galaxy-hopping warrior staking out The Syndicatea secret society of space tyrants in disguise as ordinary men and women who aim to rise up and decimate the human race. Rykker stomps all manner of invader ass throughout the action-packed Alien Agent, and, appropriately, heavenly bodied Emma Lahana flashes her moon in the shower.
Magus (2007)
STUDIO: MTI Home Video
NUDES:Allesandra Assad (breasts) (Picture: 1), Eva Derrek (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Through the ages, humanity has been mesmerized, helped, and healed by practitioners of magic. Sorcerers and other spell-casters routinely practice under a veil of secrecy, governed by The Wizard's Code. Alas, when one wizard lusts for power and seeks to rule over the whole universe, he is known as the Magus. Ron Fitzgerald plays the Magus Fernos, who disrupts the magic world with his mad appetites. It's up to a rumpled, retired healer named Felix (Bill Steele), then, to come forth and battle the mighty master so that balance may be restored. Allesandra Assad portrays Beth, who is later transformed into Demon Beth. She also gets naked, as does Eva Derrek as Sen.
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDES:Serria Tawan (right breast) (Picture: 1), Debbie Yeh (right breast) (Picture: 1), Nicola Helwig (left) (Picture: 1), Uncredited Actresses
THE SKINNY: "Life made him tough. Love made him strong. Music made him hard." So goes the tagline for the musical biopic parody Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. John C. Reilly strums, croons, and boogies his way through the title role, and the movie traces his rise from adverse beginnings to superstardom and all its trappingsand that includes a trio of topless groupies played by Madison Cruz, Monica Ford, and Danielle Merrill. Before finally settling down with backup songbird Darlene (played by Jenna Fischer of TV's The Office), Dewey has sex with 411 women (including three wives), fathers 22 children, and confronts addiction to every drug ever created in the history of the world. The sexy ladies of Walk Hard will make your Cox Dewey.
APRIL 15, 2008
The Backwoods (2006)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES:Virginie Ledoyen (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1), Aitana Snchez-Gijn (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Young marrieds Lucy (Virginie Ledoyen) and Norman (Paddy Considine) make a terrible discovery in the 1970s-set fright film The Backwoods. When visiting their friend Paul (Gary Oldman) and his new wife, Isabel (Aitana Snchez-Gijn), in the Basque region of Spain, Lucy and Norman come across a feral young girl named Nerea (Yaiza Esteve) being held prisoner in a cabin. Their attempts to bring Nerea to safety lead to nightmarish suspense, leavened with deliriously arousing nudity from Virginie and Aitana. The Backwoods will give you woodin the front!
Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (2007)
STUDIO: Velocity / THINKFilm
NUDES:Marisa Tomei (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: When Sidney Lumet is behind the camera, as he is in the thriller Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, you expect class. What's unusual about this flick is that he also delivers the ass. And not just any ass, but the often skingy one of Marisa Tomei, whom many may recall used a body double to show off her (well, somebody else's) body's doubles in Slums of Beverly Hills (1998). She's since redeemed herself in Loverboy (2005) (Picture: 1) and Factotum (2005) (Picture: 1), but it's here that her devilishly good looks are breast observed. The plot tells of two brothers, played by Philip Seymour Hoffman and Ethan Hawke, who rip off their parents' jewelry store. It's a dark film where nothing works out quite right. Nothing but one thing: Marisa's mams. Are you starting to feel like a horny little devil?
Border Lost (2008)
STUDIO: Allumination
NUDES:Marian Zapico (right breast)
THE SKINNY: Set along the inflammatory dividing line between California and Mexico, Border Lost tells the saga of three U.S. patrolmen who protect vulnerable workers, only to fall prey to vicious outlaws. When these "border bandits" kidnap one of the officers, his compadres take the law into their own hands by sneaking into Mexico, kicking ass, and taking nomens. Along the way, Marian Zapico flashes her left breast, and we see a spicy parade of topless peelers in a strip club. Ay, caramba!
Corporate Affairs (2007)
STUDIO: Anchor Bay
NUDE: Trish Cleveland (breasts)
THE SKINNY:Breckin Meyer (Inside Schwartz) plays Ted, a tech-department lackey promoted to middle management in the big-business comedy Corporate Affairs. Out of his element and in over his head, Ted soon enough finds himself out of his clothes too, as a series of sexy temptresses suddenly finds him irresistible. Corporate Affairs charmingly goes from boardroom to bedroom (and then more bedrooms), bolstered by a female cast that includes Tisha Tinsaman as Seductive Lady and a naked Trish Cleveland as Credit Card Girl.
Divine Emanuelle: Love Cult (1981)
STUDIO: Exploitation
NUDES:Laura Gemser (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY:Divine Emanuelle: Love Cult just about says it all. Those four words create an infinite text of unspeakable perversion in the minds of the hairy palms at Skin Central. Only two other words could add to our immoral delight, and those would have to be Laura Gemser, the star of many Black Emanuelle features, who here plays The Divine One, and we don't mean Bette Midler.
Lady Emanuelle (1989)
STUDIO: Exploitation Digital
NUDES:Mal (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Single-monikered Brazilian bombshell Mal takes on the title role in Lady Emanuelle, and, in doing so, she takes off every stitch of her clothing repeatedly. Unsatisfied in her sexless marriage, Emanuelle hurls herself into the open armsand legsof her lezzy friend. At one point, Emmy also develops feelings for a transsexual hooker and, to win the he-she's freedom, beats a pimp at a game of pool. Lady Emanuelle will have you wielding your own stick quite masterfully as well.
National Lampoon's One, Two, Many (2008)
STUDIO: Hart Sharp Video
NUDES: Uncredited Actresses
THE SKINNY: For Howard Stern fans like Mr. Skin, the National Lampoon production One, Two, Many may as well be known as The Stuttering John Movie. Here, the former mumble-mouthed man-on-the-street and current Tonight Show announcer plays Thomas, a ne'er-do-well lothario with more women interested in him than he can handle. Among them are stacked hottie Hudson Leick (who played Callisto on Xena: Warrior Princess) and Stern show favorite Sandra Taylor. Add in a gaggle of topless strippers and One, Two, Many is the perfect formula for a skintastic blast.
La Sorpresa (2007)
STUDIO: Laguna Films
NUDES:Gabriela Barajas (breasts), Maya Zapata (right breast)
THE SKINNY: At the start of the Mexican drama La Sorpresa, a businessman hops in a cab on his way home from a trip. He talks to the driver about how much he's looking forward to seeing his wife. The cabbie, in turn, talks about the woman whom he is heavily involved with. As fate would have, the men's lives are more intertwined than they could have ever expected, and Latina bombshells Maya Zapata and Gabriela Barajas, both of whom bare flesh, are even hotter than you could have ever imagined.
Yellow Emanuelle (1976)
STUDIO: Exploitation Digital
NUDES:Ilona (Cicciolina) Staller (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1), Chai Lee (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: During a layover in Asia, a handsome playboy pilot from Britain goes out for an unforgettable night on the town. On his way back to his hotel, he is savagely beaten by a group of thugs and ends up in the hospital. While recuperating, he comes under the gentle and sensuous care of a female doctor at the hospital. All in all, Yellow Emanuelle is a stirring and romantic melodrama. Better yet, Chai Lee is incredibly open with the three B's, giving our pilot hero the sexiest health care available. 
