We're talking about White People.
And more specifically, we're talking about the low-melanin, high-pomposity strain of chronic self-congratulators that is brilliantly nailed down and sent up via the explosive online phenomenon StuffWhitePeopleLike.com.
MrSkin.com itself has boasted a White Person contributor, in the form of Rufus Liam Lipbaum who wrote the immortal Chick Flicks for Dicks.
Still, Mr. Skin wanted to probe deeper into the World of Whiteness, and Christian Landers, creator and editor of StuffWhitePeopleLike.com, was gracious enough to oblige.
How mighty White of him.
First off, what should we call you? It seems like you keep your name off the site. Is this intentional? What would be an example of a White People backlash?
You can call me Christian; I don't intentionally hide it.White People backlash is almost entirely comprised of people calling me racist. The other reaction is to declare that they do not fit into any of the items, therefore, they are not White.
In 50 words or less, who are White People?
Go to a Whole Foods at 11:00 a.m. on a Sunday. That will give you a better definition than words. Failing that, Farmers Market.Why are White People defined by the Stuff they like?
White people generally know that the history of their ancestors is filled with a lot of horrible stuff. Defining by your heritage is seen as almost offensive or at least in line with white supremacists. If you choose to define yourself by the stuff you like, I suppose you have a better chance of having some control over who you are.Describe the genesis of StuffWhitePeopleLike.com. How did you arrive at creating the site?
My friend and I were talking about [the HBO series] The Wire (Picture: 1) over IM. He said that not enough white people watch The Wire; I said, "Don't worry, they do."Then we just started talking about what white people were doing instead of watching it. We threw out ideas like "getting divorced," "eating at a vegan restaurant," or "therapy."
And it just sort of took off from there. I think the best way to describe the White People we were talking about is that they are unwavering in their belief that they are right about everything.
What have been some of the most interesting reactions to Stuff White People Like?
Being called racist. It still blows my mind that people think the site is some sort of racist document that is creating hatred and tension. I think it stems from a misguided campaign in the '80s and '90s that said everyone is exactly the same and to recognize differences is racism.It came from a good place-the desire to ensure equal treatment for all-but it was misinterpreted by a lot of people, and you can see the effects in the comments section of the site.
Are you white? In what ways are you a White Person?
I'm white. In every way listed on the site. If I didn't go after myself, I think it wouldn't be as funny.What's the opposite of White People? It can't be Black People.
I think the opposite of White People is "the wrong kind of white people," specifically, right-wing or white-trash people. There is nothing that would frighten a White Person more than being mistaken for a Republican.Who are the ultimate White People actresses and female singers?
The ultimate white female singer must be a singer songwriter. Right now, I'd say Feist, but the entire Lilith Fair tour held it down for a long time.
As for actresses, Natalie Portman (Picture: 1). No doubt. Every girl wants to be her and every White Man is obsessed with her.
What are White People's ideas of the most erotic films ever made?
This one is easy. Any film about sex made in America is pornographic, exploitative, and awful. If the film is made in Europe, it's sensual and erotic.So we can easily list The Dreamers (Picture: 1), Sex and Lucia (Picture: 1), La Vie En Rose. So long as the film features nudity, subtitles, and some laurels on the box cover, it's acceptably erotic.
What's a sexy movie that White People would be horribly offended by?
This is a tough question since white people are so easily offended. I think the best answer would be any film where the nudity is contained only to actresses with fake breasts. So any college comedy like Van Wilder (Picture: 1) or American Pie 2 (Picture: 1) would fall into this category.You would also think Showgirls (Picture: 1 - 2) would fall into this category, but it is actually classified as "camp" so it's acceptable and not offensive.
What do White People find sexy?
Foreign everything. Also, sex in old apartment buildings in Europe or Asia.What does a White Man find attractive in a White Woman?
Her snobbery.What does a White Woman find attractive in a White Man?
His knowledge of music and literature.When you ask White People to name their favorite rock or pop musicians, why do they always say Al Green and/or Prince?
Al Green was featured on Quentin Tarantino soundtracks, and virtually every white person owns the soundtrack to Pulp Fiction or Reservoir Dogs. For this reason, he is beloved.As for Prince, well, he's written some jams. It's kind of hard to get around that.
What's something about White People that's not annoying?
They are easily tricked. See herbal supplements or AirBorne for examples.What's next for StuffWhitePeopleLike.com?
We're just going to keep on trying to catalogue the behavior of White People and continue to give advice to help outsiders exploit white society for all they can.Let's talk about you now. What was the first movie nude scene you remember seeing? Is there a funny story attached to that?
This one is easy: Revenge of the Nerds (Picture: 1).When I was in grade school, it was common knowledge that the best sleepovers were held by kids with divorced, single dads. They would rent you anything, buy you multiple full-sized candy bars and as much soda as you could drink.
This one time in particular we rented Revenge of the Nerds, and when it came to the scene where they start drilling the holes to spy on the sorority girls I thought, No way! This isn't going to happen!
And then, Louis pulls back the curtain and there it was-nudity. I looked to my friend's dad in shock. He just smiled and nodded at us. It was pretty awesome.
What are your favorite sexy movies of all time?
I think my entire list comes from the 1980s and early '90s. Being a twelve-to-fourteen-year-old boy back then was not as easy as it is today.We had no Internet, so our best resource for nudity was premium cable and video rental. I mean, there was the occasional discarded Playboy that we'd find in a garbage can or in the woods, but that was not a dependable resource.
So from that era, films like Lake Consequence (Picture: 1), Snapdragon (Picture: 1), and Basic Instinct (Picture: 1 - 2) helped an entire generation get through a horribly awkward time.
Who are your three favorite sexy actresses of all time?
Joan Severance (Picture: 1). Eroto-thrillers were the lifeblood of my early teenage years, and she was the most beautiful woman in the entire genre.Phoebe Cates (Picture: 1 - 2). This is pretty self-explanatory. Fast Times at Ridgemont High is burned into the brains of every male born before 1990.
Jane March (Picture: 1). I remember when The Lover was on HBO when I was growing up, and that was pretty awesome.
