The Big Short (2015)

The Big Short (2015) may be riddled with difficult-to-understand stock market jargon, but its incredible cast somehow makes this true story work on screen. Based on Michael Lewis' tale of those who saw the 2008 stock market crash coming and cashed in on other people's misfortune, Christian Bale plays a doctor turned hedge fund manager named Michael Burry who's unparalleled in his acuity for number-crunching. He eventually comes across data that tips him off the instability of the housing bond market, largely caused by subprime loans (which Selena Gomez and Margot Robbie will explain to you, former at the casino, the latter in the bathtub). He decides to short the market by betting against the housing bond market, since he knows it will collapse, and he can set his hedge fund up to make major cash on defaulted loans. The problem is, all the other big shots think he's crazy and all his clients are pissed about what he's doing with their money. Jared Vennett (Ryan Gosling) is one of the fancy fellas at Deutsche Bank. He hears about Burry's prediction, and thinks he's right. But, he'll have to convince everyone around him first. One of his believers is Mark Baum (Steve Carrell), who just can't comprehend what's about to happen to the hardworking people of America. Meanwhile, all this chaos is great for a pair of young upstarts (John Magaro and Finn Wittrock) who see what's going on also, but need the help of retired trader Ben Rickert (Brad Pitt) to do anything about it. Burry's predictions are correct, and he makes an immense amount of money alongside the other devious outsiders as not just the housing economy but the entire global economy collapses. The dudes of Wall Street are known for doing booger sugar and going balls deep, so you knew there was going to be some form of nudity in this one. Somewhere along the way, Steve Carrell manages to snag a topless lap dance from Heighlen Boyd, meaning there's really only one number you need to focus on in this movie: two. Miss Boyd's bigums are the only ones in this movie, although we do see Margot Robbie in a bubble bath. Wish those bubbles would burst, instead of the real estate one! Still, thanks to those sexy scenes in The Big Short, you're going to have a big stain in your shorts!