18th Annual Nude Anatomy Awards!

Breast Picture
White Girl

While there were a lot of skinsational films released in 2016, none doled out the sex and nudity with as much vigor as White Girl. Morgan Saylor, formerly of Homeland, not only does knockout nude scenes in this film, she also shows off her oral skills, giving the year’s best onscreen blowjob! Add in some bonus boobage from India Salvor Menuez and Annabelle Dexter-Jones, and you’ve got the makings of a skinstant classic!

Best TV Show
Westworld

From the moment we first heard about the extras having to agree to full nudity and genital contact, we knew HBO was going to push the envelope with this one! Not only was that legendary orgy scene one for the ages, but the week-in and week-out nudity from the likes of Thandie Newton, Angela Sarafyan, Tessa Thompson, and Evan Rachel Wood made this series’ first season the cream of the crop!

Best Breasts
Eline Powell in Game of Thrones

A lot of amazing breasts were put on film this year, but my favorite pair belongs to Game of Thrones star Eline Powell! As an actress playing Sansa Stark in a traveling show, Eline goes topless twice on Season 6, Episode 5, showing off her spectacular rack-ular, which is nothing short of the best of 2016!

Best Butt
Keri Russell in The Americans

After getting bumped off her perch by Demi Lovato last year, Keri Russell re-emerges with her unbelievable backside on The Americans. While lying in bed with a guy she’s attempting to frame, Keri gives us a 90-second, uninterrupted look at her gorgeous glutes! Has Keri got the best ass around? You butt she does!

Best Full Frontal
Olivia Wilde in Vinyl

No matter how high her star rises, Olivia Wilde is never shy about showing some skin when the role calls for it! Her leading role on the first and only season of this rock and roll HBO drama saw her go nude a number of times, including this three minute long scene where she shows off every inch of her fantastic front!

Best Lesbian Scene
Rooney Mara & Cate Blanchett in Carol

Very rarely do I agree with the Academy, but this awards favorite also featured the best lesbian scene of 2016! Rooney Mara and Cate Blanchett were rewarded with Oscar nominations for their performances in Carol, but I’m more interested in their sensational sapphic scene that finds both beauties going topless! The only Carol you’ll be singing is “O Come All Ye Faithful!”

Nude Debut
Ashley Greene in Rogue

In a year full of some incredible nude debuts, the one that continues to stand out comes to us from Twilight star Ashley Greene! Ashley went from being one of the skingiest actresses around to baring her breasts twice during the third season of this hit Audience Network series! Ashley Greene will give you a purple peen!

Best Nudecomer
Taylor Marie Frey in Roadies

Daughter of the late, great Eagles co-founder Glenn Frey, Taylor Marie Frey exploded onto the scene with her amazing full frontal nude debut on this short-lived Showtime series. Even better, we’re the only place you can find her original, uncut nude scene as the Blu-ray version eliminated her bush shot! Talk about a Witchy Woman!

Best Threesome
Malin Åkerman & Kate Micucci in Easy  

This Netflix original series brought some sensational skin to the dog days of summer, but no scene in the entire first season topped this tantalizing threesome. Funny lady Kate Micucci makes an amazing nude debut, doffing her top to lezz out with a similarly topless Malin Akerman, before Orlando Bloom makes it a threesome!

Best Flame-Broiled Whoppers
Emilia Clarke in Game of Thrones

When going back on your word, it’s best to do it in the biggest, most amazing way possible, which is exactly what Emilia Clarke did on Game of Thrones this past season! Proving she’s the mother of dragons, Emilia walks fully nude through the fire, showing off her fantastically flame broiled whoppers that look every bit as tasty as the first time we laid eyes on them!

Best A-Cup All-Star
Ellen Page in Into the Forest

In early August, Ellen Page made a dual nude debut in the Netflix original Tallulah and this intense drama! Seeing Page’s pert peepers was more than worth the wait and her sex scene at the forty minute mark of Into the Forest gives us plenty of great looks at her perfectly petite pair!

Best Butt Dimples
Hannah Murray in Bridgend

Despite appearing on two of the most skinsational TV shows of all time—Game of Thrones and Skins—Hannah had yet to doff her duds on screen before 2016! Thankfully her role in Bridgend changed all of that, and we got to finally gaze upon her amazing ass, complete with a pair of delicious dimples perched just above it! That’s a great ass, pure and dimpled!

Best Barnyard Plow
Aubrey Plaza in Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates

This outrageous comedy ends on one of the more outrageous things we’ve seen in a major Hollywood movie in quite some time! Aubrey Plaza goes ass out in a barn while pegging Adam Devine just before the credits start rolling! One look at the ass on Aubrey and you’ll drop your jaw-brey!

Best Rearleader
Emily Meade in Nerve

It takes Nerve to go nude on film, but in a film about having to do crazy things for the pleasure of internet perverts, it should come as no surprise that there’s a nude scene! Emily Meade shows off her best Ass-ets while flashing her fanny as a daring and dangerous cheerleader! Give me an A! Give me an S! Give me another S! What’s that spell?

Most Niptastic Nips
Marina Foïs in Faultless

Like the delicacy her name conjures up, Marina Foïs’ numerous topless scenes from this French thriller gave us a chance to gaze upon her niptastic nips! The light dances off her pert pencil erasers as she lays on the ground and shows off those amazing areolas!

Best Doggystyle
Lisa Bonet in Ray Donovan

In recent years it seemed that Lisa Bonet was leaving the nude scenes to her daughter Zoë Kravitz, but she came back with a bang on the fourth season of Ray Donovan! Lisa bared her beautiful butt while getting banged from behind on a bed, reminding us that even twenty plus years after her last nude scene, Lisa will always give us a Bonet!

Best Carpet Munch
Ruby Modine in Shameless

Another contender for this year’s nudecomer, Matthew’s daughter Ruby Modine made quite a splash as Lip’s latest lover. It looks like they might be in it for the long haul as Lip puts his lips on her lips and gives us the year’s best cunnilingus scene! Like a glorious bonus, Ruby’s boobies are nicely positioned in the shot, making it the best of all possible worlds!

Best Skinny Dipping
Minka Kelly in Papa Hemingway in Cuba

Whether you know her best from Friday Night Lights or as Derek Jeter’s ex, there’s no denying that Minka had to be at or near the top of anyone’s nude wish list! Therefore, we went over the moon for Minka’s nude debut in this literary biopic, showing off her tight and toned tush as she ran for the ocean!

Most Acrobatic Sex Scene
Michelle Derstine in The Bronze

Not every movie has an acrobatic sex scene, but then again The Bronze isn’t just any movie. Though we thought the film’s star Melissa Rauch was going to make her nude debut, body double Michelle Derstine gladly showed off every inch of her body while performing the most gym-nasty sex scene of the year!

Best Close-Up Clam
India Hair in Staying Vertical

If there were another award for best actress whose name matches her category, we’d have to give it to the aptly named India Hair! India shows off her furry foxhole in close-up in the French film Staying Vertical, before a dude goes down on her in an unsimulated scene! Hey India, nice Vertical smile!

Best Bush Only
Vail Bloom in Too Late

The gimmicky drama Too Late consists of five twenty minute scenes, each shot in one continuous take. This led to one of the best bush only scenes this side of Short Cuts, as the gorgeous Vail Bloom spends the better part of two minutes walking around her house and showing off her amazing bush and butt! You’ll love Vail when she’s in full Bloom!

Best Ink by the Stink
Kelen Coleman in Flock of Dudes

They say that men love assertive women, but Kelen Coleman’s character in this crazy comedy pushes that conceit to the breaking point! The beauty shows off her amazing ass, emblazoned with a tattoo of a tiger’s face, giving off some less than subtle hints as to what awaits any man attempting to claim ownership of that ass!

Most Shocking Nudity
Lena Dunham in Girls

There’s been no shortage of shocking moments over the course of this boundary pushing show’s first five seasons. Series star and creator Lena Dunham’s always got an ace up her skirt, though, as she showed by mimicking Sharon Stone’s infamous commando interrogation from Basic Instinct!

Best Nude with Fruit Loops
Kether Donohue in You’re the Worst

In the best use of food to cover up someone’s naughty bits since Austin Powers, the gorgeous Kether Donohue turned a bowl of Fruit Loops into the sexiest prop ever! In a series of increasingly ridiculous cover-ups, the busty beauty looks smashing while wearing nothing but a sugary bowl of cereal!

Best Swingers
Alexandra Daddario in Baked in Brooklyn

Swing low, sweetest of chariots! Alexandra’s enormous double-D-darios make a cameo appearance in this weed-fueled comedy! As Alexandra sits topless on a bed, the shot of her from behind allows us to see both her right and left breast swinging out from behind her bed! Hence, swingers! She’s so money and she doesn’t even know it!

Best Ass Backwards
Grace Calder in Outlander

The second season of Outlander had some great moments, none more so than the bizarre performance art piece from Grace Calder. Using body paint to make it look like her front is her back, the artists painted a gorgeous looking ass right where her crotch is, and frankly, it’s the sexiest fake ass we’ve seen in quite some time!

Best Leaky Faucet
Emma de Caunes in The Idyll

This short film set on board a train gave us an amazing sequence where Emma de Caunes whips out her engorged breasts and allows a dude to relieve her pain by sucking the milk out. As they say, it’s good to the last drop, and this close-up shot of her leaky faucet proves it!

Best 69
Tae-ri Kim & Min-hee Kim in The Handmaiden

Korean director Park Chan-wook’s adaptation of the notoriously titillating novel “Fingersmith” gave us this sublimely sexy lesbian sex scene! Not only do Kim Tae-ri and Kim Min-Hie get down to plenty of fingerbanging and scissoring, they also give us the sexiest 69 scene of the year! And just think, you didn’t even have to wine ‘em or dine ‘em!

Best Cameltoe
Kelly Gale in The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2016

Strutting down the runway in a sparkly silver and white Victoria’s Secret angel get-up, Kelly Gale was blissfully unaware that her tight bikini bottoms were hugging her lower lips in such a way as to make them visible through the fabric!

Best Titty Twister
Shanola Hampton in Shameless

Polyamory got a big boost thanks to the threeway relationship between Shanola Hampton, Isidora Goreshter, and Steve Howey on Showtime’s sexy comedy! Shanola’s nipples look good enough to tweak, which is exactly what Steve does as Isidora goes down on her! Talk about a loving family!

Best Over 50
Monica Bellucci in Mozart in the Jungle

One of the most gorgeous goddesses to ever grace the silver screen, Monica Bellucci proved that she looks great at any age on this Amazon original comedy! While banging series star Gael Garcia Bernal, Monica showed off her absolutely ageless breasts and reminded us all that age ain’t nothing but a number! And Monica’s still got our number!

Best Double Lip Slip
Emmy Rossum in Shameless

Having aired two seasons in 2016, Shameless gave us a lot of great material this year. Some might say that this double lip slip by Emmy Rossum was the best nude scene of the bunch, and we’d be hard pressed to argue as her lower lips hug her panties and give us that rarest of lip slips!

Best DP
Rayna Tharani in The Young Pope

Who would have thought that papacy was so sexy? Rayna Tharani goes the extra mile in this Italian miniseries, showing off her big, beautiful, all-natural breasts while allowing a Cardinal and his pal to enter her at the same time! That will have you beating the bishop!

Best Washed by Gérard Depardieu
Audrey Bonnet in The End

Talk about a category with some fierce competition, Audrey Bonnett beat all comers with her amazing scene going full frontal to allow French oaf Gérard Depardieu to bathe her! Audrey’s naked body shares prime real estate in the frame with Gérard’s super-sized gut, so be sure to keep a sharp eye peeled for the beauty in such a trying and emotionally draining scene!

Best Land of the Giant Bush
Zoi Gorman in Beyond Sleep

The Norwegians are nothing if not innovative, and this drama features one of the best dream sequences in recent memory! The film’s star drifts off to sleep while climbing a mountain and dreams of being only three inches tall and exploring Zoi Gorman’s naked body! One look at her very full bush and you’ll know why he’s perfectly content to stay lost in the wilderness!

Best Public Nudity
Chelsea Handler in Chelsea Does

Netflix has been a great venue for Chelsea Handler because unlike her show on basic cable, she can go topless any old time she wants! Chelsea did just that on only her second episode, going topless to stroll down the streets of San Francisco and show off her perfect pair in broad daylight! Whatever Chelsea does next, we wanna be there!

Best Squirting Scene
Jennifer Krukowski in Total Frat Movie

Brunette beauty Jennifer Krukowski made her nude debut in this college comedy, showing off her powerful squirting orgasm for some poindexter! Luckily he brought a rain slicker and manages to stay dry when she showers the room in her love juice in what is both a sexy and hilarious scene!

Most Mufftastic Merkin
Sugar Lyn Beard in Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates

You’d be forgiven for thinking that seeing Aubrey Plaza’s ass meant you’d seen everything this flick had to offer. Well, allow the aptly named Sugar Lyn Beard to show off one of the most magnificent merkins ever put on film. And let’s also not forget that while her bush may be fake, her breasts are real and they’re spectacular!

Coldest Lesbian Scene
Jena Malone & Cody Renee Cameron in The Neon Demon

Too often, we celebrate the “hottest” scenes, but we’re happy to recognize a cold scene when we see a great one! Jena Malone gets cozy with the on-screen corpse of Cody Renee Cameron, who shows off her boobs and bush while getting a post-mortem smooch from Jena! It looks like rigor mortis is setting in… in your pants!

Best Cleveland Streamer
Svenja Jung in Fucking Berlin

While we don’t know anyone who’s actually done one, we all know what a Cleveland Steamer is? It’s lesser known cousin, The Cleveland Streamer, showed up in this German drama courtesy of the lovely Svenja Jung! Svenja shows off her ass while squatting and peeing on a glass table while a dude lays underneath it and jerks off!

Best Money Shot
Riley Keough in The Girlfriend Experience

Elvis’ granddaughter Riley Keough exploded in 2016 thanks to her leading role in this Starz! Series spun off from the 2009 film of the same name! In episode ten, Riley allows some hound dog to drop some blue suede splooge on her stomach before throwing her a box of tissues to clean up! Riley, you need to return him to sender!

Best Foreign Film
Summertime

Belgium and France, two of the sexiest countries around, got together for this one of a kind lesbian love story set in the early 1970s! French foxes Cécile De France and Izïa Higelin dare to bare every inch of their amazing bodies while lezzing out in a number of scenes, including an afternoon delight of a romp in the tall grass!

Lifetime Skinchievement
Penélope Cruz

Also known as “The Madonna of Madrid,” Oscar-winning beauty Penélope Cruz has one of the most impressive bodies (of work) we’ve ever seen! Twenty-five years ago, Penélope first doffed her duds on screen in the appropriately titled Jamón, jamón—where she worked with future husband Javier Bardem. Her most fruitful partnership, professionally, however has been with Spanish director Pedro Almodóvar, who directed her to an Oscar nomination for Volver and shot one of her best nude scenes of all time in Broken Embraces. Penélope first gained notoriety here in the states when she began dating her Vanilla Sky (2001) co-star Tom Cruise. While the relationship didn’t last, her nude scene from the film—and the 1997 original Open Your Eyes on which is was based—live on forever. 2008 found the brunette beauty going nude in Elegy and locking lips with Scarlett Johansson in Vicky Christina Barcelona, for which she would also win an Oscar! Her amazing body looks every bit as good in 2016’s Ma Ma as it did way back in 1992, making Penélope a no-brainer for the Lifetime Skinchievement award. We’d happily stare at her Cruz missiles any day of the week!