Our Staff Picks column takes you back to a time when video stores reigned supreme and the "Staff Picks" section was the place to find out what films were worthy of one's time. Of course, our version of Staff Picks has a decidedly skintillating angle, as we suss out which films from a particular subgenre are the best to find great nudity. This week let's cover one of the absolute sexiest tropes to watch in horror movies: witches!
Witches in film are either old crones are super hot babes. There is no in-between.
Let the following booby babes bewitch you!
The Little Hours
This is a bizarre little film set in a convent where the horny young nuns played by Kate Micucci,Aubrey Plaza, and Alison Brie lust over a runaway seeking refuge at the convent. He's a young man and these nuns struggle to maintain their chastity in his presence. But more than that, the nuns are also said to be practicing witchcraft in the woods. It turns out that that IS happening!
There is an amazing scene in which the girls get naked along with Jemima Kirke, Vanessa Villa, and others. They wear big merkins, but their breasts are all fully out!
Little Witches
Again, with a title that has little in it, but this film has A LOT of nudity. Seriously! This 1996 flick features hot young babes who cast spells around a cauldron to get the men they want to fall in love with them. Seriously! Clea Duvall, Zoe Alexander, Sheeri Rappaport, Melissa Taub, and more go nude as they make something double bubble toil and trouble in your pants. Honestly, I think all they have to do is take their clothes off to get those men!
The Love Witch
Anna Biller's sophomore film was a campy sendup of sexploitation films and it expertly captured the look and feel of those movies. In this comedy, Samantha Robinson plays a woman who practices love magic to seduce the men she wants. It helps that she is drop-dead gorgeous.
Her magic tends to work too well, making men go nuts over her and making her disinterested in them. That is until she meets the man who somehow doesn't fall for her charms. I don't know what his deal is! Just look at her spellbinding bod:
Suspiria
The original Dario Argento film about a ballet school with a twisted secret (they are witches sucking the life force of their student body) is gorgeous to watch, but it does not have anywhere near the amount of skin as the 2018 remake. Luca Guadagnino directed this sexy film where Dakota Johnson gets to enroll in a ballet school in Berlin because the other girl, Chloe Grace Moretz, told the school's counselor that the place is run by witches. And then, conveniently, she was never seen again. Huh, wonder what happened!
When Dakota arrives, chaos ensues. She witnesses rituals that she watches and becomes a part of. There are skimpy costumes, but there is also a lot of straight-up nudity as the women dance ritualistically. Their bouncing breasts really are magical!
