Each Tuesday, be sure to check in with Mr. Skin to get the complete skinny right here on the hottest DVD releases. Here is the randy round-up for the week of March 17, 2009.
BLITZKRIEG: ESCAPE FROM STALAG 69 (2008)
STUDIO: Wild Eye Releasing
NUDES: Tatyana Kot (FFN) (Picture-1), Steph Van Vlack (FFN) (Picture-1), Marjie Kelley (FFN) (Picture-1)
THE SKINNY: Underground publisher of the Exploitation Journal and B-movie madman Keith J. Crocker follows up his hairy-and-scary directorial debut The Bloody Ape (1997) with the Nazisploitation epic Blitzkrieg: Escape from Stalag 69 (2008). Charles Esser stars as cruel commandant Helmut Schultz, who oversees a secret Third Reich prison camp, where female inmates are tortured and degraded for sexual pleasure. An American GI intends to liberate the compound before the Gestapo arrives to eliminate everyone and everything in it. Blitzkrieg hails from the wicked tradition of the Ilsa films, Salon Kitty, and The Beast in Heat, with Crocker bringing a fresh madness to the proceedings and luscious Tatyana Kot, as Russian agent Natasha, leading a naked-lady battalion that will make your little soldier give a “Sieg, heil!” salute.
CROWLEY (2008)
STUDIO: Starz/Anchor Bay
NUDES: Esme Bianco (breasts) (Picture-1), Helen Millar (FFN, butt) (Picture-1), Natasha Ford (breasts, butt) (Picture-1), Gemma Hiles (breasts) (Picture-1), Nicola Rockhill (breasts) (Picture-1), Andrea Sadler (right breast) (Picture-1)
THE SKINNY: Famed early-twentieth-century occultist Aleister Crowley, also known as “The Wickedest Man in Britain” and “The Beast 666,” is the subject of the British horror flick Crowley (2008). The plot concerns Dr. Joshua Mathers (Kal Weber), who uses a supercomputer to cause Crowley’s spirit to possess the body of Simon Callow. Back on earth for four days, Crowley begins to conduct all the magickal rituals necessary to return in a permanent form. Necessarily, these rituals all involve tons of naked women, including Esme Bianco, Natasha Ford, Gemma Hiles, Helen Millar, and Nicola Rockhill, who plays the violin topless.
DEAD IN 3 DAYS (2006)
STUDIO: Dimension Extreme
NUDES: Julia Rosa Stockl (left breast) (Picture-1), Nadja Vogel (breasts) (Picture-1)
THE SKINNY: With a plot borrowed from I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997), the Austrian fright flick Dead in 3 Days (2006) stars Sabrina Reiter, Julia Rosa Stockl, Michael Steinocher, Laurence Rupp, and Nadja Vogel as childhood friends who all receive an anonymous text message telling them that they will each die in three days. At first it seems like a joke, but when one of their number turns up dead, the teens link the message to a tragic accident years before to which they had all been a party. If you’re going to be dead in three days, be sure to get a look at Nadja’s knockers when she takes them out for her boyfriend.
ELEGY (2008)
STUDIO: MGM
NUDES: Penelope Cruz (breasts, butt) (Picture-), Patricia Clarkson (breasts) (Picture-1)
THE SKINNY: Ben Kingsley and Penelope Cruz are respected academic David Kepesh and his beautiful student Consuela Castillo in the drama Elegy (2008), based on the 2001 novel The Dying Animal by Phillip Roth. When David meets Consuela for the first time, he understandably becomes fixated on her maracas, and his lust for her leads to a secret sexual relationship. Unable to bring their affair into the open, David loses Consuela but sees her again after a few years when she asks him to take some nude photos of her before she loses one of her breasts to a mastectomy. Not surprisingly since they’re major plot point(ie)s, Penelope’s cantaloupes get some good screen time. When she launches her silos, Penelope will have you working your Cruz missile!
THE GEISHA (1983)
STUDIO: AnimEigo
NUDES: Akiko Kana (breasts, butt) (Picture-1), Atsuko Asano (breasts) (Picture-1)
THE SKINNY: Set in pre-war Japan, The Geisha (1983) stars Ken Ogata as Katsuzo, a pimp who provides girls to the largest geisha house in southern Japan. His former mistress Osode (Mitsuko Baisho) runs the house, and Momowaka (Kimiko Ikegami), his 20-year-old daughter by another geisha, is one of the girls working there. Katsuzo soon finds himself in hot water when the local yakuza makes a bid to take over his business. We don’t see any gash-a, but geisha girls Atsuko Asano and Akiko Kana both get topless, and that's plenty of wasabi to roll your sushi with.
MAN WALKING ON SNOW (2001)
STUDIO: Facets
NUDE: Sayoko Ishii (breasts) (Picture-1)
THE SKINNY: Directed by Masahiro Kobayashi, former assistant director of Francois Truffaut, the Japanese drama Man Walking on Snow (2001) stars Ken Ogata as Nobuo Honma, a 63-year-old widower who has turned over his saki-making business to his younger son, Yasuo (Yasufumi Hayashi), and spends his time observing the fish at a local fish farm. When the anniversary of his wife’s death comes around, Nobuo invites his estranged older son, Ryoichi (Teruyuki Kagawa), to visit, and soon the family squabbles start. Along the way the much younger Michiko the salmon girl (Sayoko Ishii) bares her boobs to Nobuo in an attempt to seduce him. There’s something fishy here.
A POLICEWOMAN IN NEW YORK (1981)
STUDIO: Mya Communication
NUDE: Edwige Fenech (breasts) (Picture-1)
THE SKINNY: A statuesque cinema babe pulls a saucy bait-and-switch in the sexy cop comedy A Policewoman in New York (1981), a hit entry in a popular Italian franchise. Bombshell Edwige Fenech stars as Gianna, a special operative who just happens to resemble a mob kingpin’s girlfriend. Together with her partner Alvaro (Alvaro Vitali), who resembles the thug’s personal bodyguard, Gianna slips undercover to take down the crime syndicate from the inside. Fortunately all that role-playing necessitates frequent costume changes, which Fenech handles skillfully by taking her sweet, sweet time.
SEVEN SERVANTS (1996)
STUDIO: Pathfinder Home Entertainment
NUDE: Alexandra Stewart (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Mightily macho screen legend Anthony Quinn rips up the screen in Seven Servants (1996). He plays Archie, an eccentric patriarch who attempts to absorb youthful vibrations by hiring the titular employees to hand-wash and plug up his ears, nostrils and other head holes. Once the workers have their fingers stuffed into Archie, they all remain connected for ten days. Alexandra Stewart eventually brightens the proceedings by taking a bath with Sonja Kirchberger. Alexandra’s boobs turn Seven Servants into a labor of lust.
STORMFORCE (2006)
STUDIO: MTI Home Video
NUDES: Veerle Baetens (FFN, butt) (Picture-1)
THE SKINNY: The Belgian adventure movie Stormforce (2006) is the story of Rick Symons (Kevin Janssens), a Coast Guard diver with a reputation as a maverick who endangers his co-workers. Together with pretty no-nonsense nurse Alex (Veerle Baetens) and his colleagues Marleen (Tine Reymer) and her wheelchair-bound husband Koen (Axel Daeseleire), Rick launches daring rescue missions for a capsized sailboat and a cargo ship that has caught fire. You’ll be raising your mast when you see a fully nude Veerle Baetens in the shower. Mam overboard!
