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People toss words like geek and nerd around so indiscriminately that they lose their meaning. For an etymological crash course don't bother with the library, get yourself to a video store and rent Grease (1978). Eddie Deezen's portrayal of prototypical nerd Eugene Felnic in that hit musical informs every four-eyed, greasy lisper that has come from Hollywood since.

But there is much more to Deezen than his classic comedic persona, though he managed to milk that throughout the '80s in a series of B-movies that have forever typecast him. The second half of his career finds the actor using his distinctive whine to flesh out the cartoon characters of The Polar Express (2004), Kim Possible, and What's New, Scooby-Doo? The nerd icon has even taken on the sugar-cereal icon Pop in Rice Krispies commercials. To learn more about Deezen log onto his website, EddieDeezen.com.

Deezen agreed to an interview with Mr. Skin only after a payment of $1 was deposited into his account. It's not Skin Central policy to pay for interviews, but in this case management made an exception, and it was well worth the investment. Deezen not only spoke intelligently on the history of the nerd in film, he revealed such industry secrets as the density of Morgan Fairchild's (Picture: ) breasts. That's information money can't buy.

From the beginning of your career you created a character integral to the development of the genre of the teen sex comedy, the nerd. How much of Eugene from Grease is you and how much is scripted?
I would say it's about fifty percent of me. I exaggerate a notch on camera. I'm heavily geeky, I'm really hyper, I get real excited easily--I don't dress like that, in a suit, I dress a little better. But the character is pretty much me.

Does it bother you to be renowned for being the iconic geek?
Not particularly. It's niche, everybody's got their catch. It's kind of a hook.

On what nerd shoulders do you stand to reach the great heights you've achieved?
My influences, and then I've traced the nerd. It's kind of like two different things--apples and oranges. My influences, my heroes, were not necessarily nerds. Curly, from The Three Stooges, was a huge influence on me. As a kid he did the most for me, but I wouldn't necessarily call him a nerd. He was just kind of a dumb guy.

Early Jerry Lewis, huge influence. Kind of a nerd, but he was a cool nerd. Jerry Lewis is weird to call a nerd because he was so cool, but I guess he was kind of a nerd with Dean Martin. And then Harpo Marx; I loved [Charlie] Chaplin. I'm definitely a reactionary. I love the early guys. I'm not into the modern comedians. The early guys I love: Buster Keaton, The Marx Brothers. But The Three Stooges were probably the main one for me.

Now the nerd itself I've traced back. I wasn't the first one. The first was probably, if you go back to silents, Harold Lloyd. Then the real thing started. This is what I think--this is how I dissected it. I think it was Charles Martin Smith, Toad in American Graffiti, he was the first nerd. He did it and nobody touched it. He just did it and it was there.

Then about five years later, I picked up on it. I started doing it in Grease and all those early B-movies. After that, it exploded. It just caught on--everybody put on the glasses, they got the squeaky high voice, and they started doing the character.

Is it true that you were considered too geeky for Revenge of the Nerds?
Exactly! Ted Field produced Revenge of the Nerds. I had done a terrible movie is Florida called The Whoopee Boys, with Michael O'Keefe and Paul Rodriguez, but I asked Ted: Why didn't you call me in? He goes, "The joke of the film was we wanted guys who weren't really nerds. We wanted to make them up to look like nerds. You're actually a nerd." I think I would have been good in the film and regret that I wasn't in that movie. It was a good movie.

You weren't too much of a nerd to make out with Morgan Fairchild. What's the story behind that?
We did a Fred Olen Ray film called Mob Boss, and Morgan--I loved her! She's a total doll. Morgan and I were rehearsing a make-out scene. The gag was the guy makes out with a beautiful girl and his glasses get all steamed up. So I'm sitting with Morgan. She's in a negligee. She goes, "Eddie, do you want to rehearse the scene?" Of course, yeah, yeah! I kept calm, but that's the easiest frigging question I ever got in my whole life.

We made out. She said, "I'm going to take you and turn your head like this." She kissed me. She said, "Now, when we do this, I want you to turn my head like this." She kissed me. I got to make out with her that way, and then I made out with her in the scene. By the way, she's a great kisser. I remember her soft lips to this day.

There was also another scene where I get to reach down her dress. When I reach down Morgan's dress and I go between her breasts and they show my hand reaching all the way down to the ground like Gumby. Her breasts are so soft! They were the softest thing I ever felt in my life. Both highlights, great moments. I take it where I can get it.

You continued to define the comic dimensions of the nerd in 1941, Zapped!, Attack of the Killer Bimbos, and Hollywood Boulevard II, among others. Do you have a favorite?
By far he's my favorite director, Bob Zemeckis, unequivocally, so my two favorites would be the Zemeckis films. I Want To Hold Your Hand was maybe my best performance, and Polar Express I'm very proud of. He's god to me. He's far and away the best director. Better than [Steven] Spielberg, better than anyone I've ever worked with--the finest director ever.

You mention I Want To Hold Your Hand, which was not only one of your first films, but on a subject near and dear to your heart. You're a huge Beatles fan, right?
That movie I play myself because I am that way about The Beatles. I am the world's biggest Beatles fan. I'm a Beatles nut. I had to audition nine times for that role. That was the happiest time I ever had.

As a pillar of teen sex comedies of the '80s, which of the films that you've not been in of that genre do you personally like?
I am a Porky's fan. My roommate and I disagree, but I like the first one. The rest weren't good. But Porky's was great fun. It had a good message, and I loved the movie. That's one of my favorites.

You've worked with some very sexy actresses--Nancy Allen, Ginger Lynn Allen, Olivia Newton-John, Heather Thomas, to name just a few--but who are the actresses that you most lust over?
Again, I'm a reactionary. I go back to when I was growing up. Ultimately, all my best friends know this, Barbara Eden (Picture: ) has always been my fantasy girl--I Dream of Jeannie--she's always been number one. Early Sophia Loren (Picture: ) --The Millionairess--the most beautiful women ever, she has the most perfect woman's body ever. I love her.

I'm a huge Gilligan's Island nut. I've seen every episode. I could tell you any Gilligan's Island trivia. Ginger, Mary Ann--I go back and forth with. Tom Hanks and I went to a Dodger's game. We were kibitzing, he asks: "Ginger or Mary Ann?" I go, "Well, when I was a kid Mary Ann was the first crush of my lifetime--Dawn Wells--but I then grew into Ginger [Tina Louise (Picture: ) ]." Hanks goes, "I always have the same answer to that question: It depends on the episode." And it's true! Sometimes Ginger looks hotter, sometimes Mary Ann does. That's a very astute answer.

It's said that nerds make better lovers because they think of sex all the time...
Well, every guy I know is pretty much the same. Everybody is thinking about the same thing: nerds, cool guys, handsome guys.

But my question is do you have groupies that have a geek fetish?
I've had a few over the years. There was this fat girl in 1941--she later became a friend, so I won't give her name--I was gift wrapped for her. That was kind of cool. She was a secretary and she had a crush on me. They gave me to her as a birthday present. I had lunch with her.

Do you recall the first time you saw a nude scene in a movie?
I remember going to my first porno flick as a kid. It was in Cumberland, Maryland, we were seventeen. You had to be eighteen to get in, so we had fake IDs. I clearly remembered, me and my friend, we stood on our tiptoes. This was the old days, before DVDs, we actually saw a movie on the screen. There were nude girls on the screen. I remember there was a real hot girl in a bathtub. It was one of the happiest moments of my life.

In England, I saw a woman's tits on TV. That surprised me. "Look at that! There are actually tits!" I couldn't believe that. When I grew up, to see a nude girl was a big thing. Nowadays the kids grow up with it. It's almost routine. It's all over the place.

Of late, you've been mostly doing voiceover work. Do you plan to return to live-action acting?
I'd love to. Polar Express was the closest I had, but that was animation. We did act out scenes live. I did get to act with Hanks. We'd do the scenes just like a movie. That was fun. Before that the last movie I did was Spy Hard, and I just get spit in the face. I had a cameo.

Interestingly, yesterday was the birthday of both Marilyn Monroe and Andy Griffith. They both were born June 1, 1926, so it was their eightieth birthdays. There was a scene in Spy Hard that was cut out with Andy Griffith, he's on the john, he's in the crapper, and he goes and walks off. I run up and flush the toilet. It was a funny little scene.

There's been a teen sex revival of sorts, there's even a new version of Revenge of the Nerds coming out next year. Do you have any plans to bring something of your own to the screen and show them how it's done?
I would so love to. I got into films and then started doing these B-movies in the '80s. I got kind of tired of it. Then I went into voiceovers and I caught fire. I worked like crazy and it was an easy racket. Movies are hard work. You go in at six in the morning and you're working until six at night. You put in your hours. With voiceovers, you work for a frigging half hour. They give you coffee. You read your lines from a script. That's it. I thought, this is the greatest racket ever!

I got a lot of money in the bank, but now the truth is I regret my decision. I wish I hadn't left movies. But I'm being honest with you, in Hollywood it's hard to turn back. Everyone always says, "Why don't you get back in movies?" But it's kind of hard for me. Polar Express was out of the blue because Zemeckis remembered me. I lucked out with that, but to get back in the movies is very hard.

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