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Before you wrap your fish in that newspaper, take a look at those bold illustrations. Chances are they're drawn by Danny Hellman, a master of the quill who can simply and elegantly capture the likenesses of celebrities and nobodies with equal aplomb.
While working for top-shelf publications has buttered his bread, he's greased his pan by indulging in lurid and bizarre fantasies for magazines sealed in cellophane to protect the weak of heart.
Yes, Hellman is a complex individual and just the sort of morally challenged malcontent that Mr. Skin loves to bend an ear with. The New York City-based cartoonist talks about drawing monstrous penises, what kind of actresses make his member roar, and the dick who's entangled him in an expensive court battle.
Show your support for Hellman by purchasing his self-published Legal Action Comics, which can be found at his web site: www.DannyHellman.com. It'll make his lawyer very happy.
Is Hellman your real name?
If it wasn't my real name, would I tell you?
Your illustrations capture famous subjects perfectly. Do your powers of caricature come from Satan?
How nice of you to say so! To the best of my knowledge, I have never accepted powers (or any other gifts) from Satan, but thanks to Teflon, I recently acquired the power to make a perfect omelet.
How did you get into doodle work?
Like most children, I drew silly pictures for my own amusement; unlike the rest of you, I was never properly discouraged. After dropping out of college in the mid-'80s, I was faced with a grave decision: Either I could try peddling my dirty pictures to some not-too-discriminating gutter publication, or I could get a real job. I ask you, and all Mr. Skin readers: What choice would you make?
Is it true that you used to promote the infamous scum rock scene in '80s NYC?
In the late '80s, during one of several low points in my life, I drew posters for a handful of "scum" rock bands. On many nights (usually after some marijuana had changed hands) I went out under cover of darkness and slapped the Xeroxed posters onto the sides of buildings across Lower Manhattan. Postering the neighborhood would take hours, and by dawn, I would be soaked from head to toe with a film of sticky white paste; this may or may not be why the music is referred to as "scum" rock.
You have probably done more covers for Screw magazine then any other artist. Have you ever met its legendary former publisher, Al Goldstein?
I have met Al Goldstein briefly two or three times; each occasion was more forgettable than the last. Most recently I waved to a dazed Goldstein as we crossed paths on Manhattan's 14th Street; this was just after he'd been released from Riker's Island prison, a few months before Screw's near-fatal financial meltdown in 2003. I'm sure that my encounters with Goldstein would've been more memorable if only I'd had the foresight to hang a pastrami sandwich around my neck.
What's it like creating such luridly perverse art for America's most notorious sex weekly?
It's a profound joy to know that at any given moment, somewhere in the greater New York area, my artwork is being soiled with the fluids of countless reprobates. The best part of drawing for Screw is that one never lacks for lively conversation topics during holiday get-togethers with family.
Has your work appeared in more-traditional stroke books?
I've drawn for Hustler, Juggs, Genesis, High Society, and a few other stroke mags I've managed to purge from my memory. I've also done artwork for Time, Newsweek, Forbes, Fortune, The Wall Street Journal, Sports Illustrated, Mad, The Nation, New York Press, and countless other publications that don't usually have photos of naked women in them.
But your pen does not move for heterosexual periodicals alone, is that true?
It is true; for a brief, magical period I was on my way to becoming America's premier illustrator of gay short fiction. My drawings appeared with alarming frequency in the pages of Inches, Torso, Blue Boy, and one or two other fine homo mags. Most of these drawings depicted chance erotic encounters between a pair of ridiculously endowed nude men, usually in restrooms. I had a lot of laughs for a few years drawing for the gay mags; sadly, the publisher of these magazines died unexpectedly, and my ride on the gay gravy train came to a screeching halt. I drew my last gay illustration nearly a decade ago, but for some reason my friends never fail to remind me of this phase in my career, always loudly and in public.
Whereas others would use a pen name, you proudly sign your homosexual illustrations. Were you looking for a date?
It would take a special kind of man to dislodge me from the arms of my lovely wife; he would have to be the kind of ?ermenschNietzsche described in his 1887 essay Zur Geneologie der Moral (On the Genealogy of Morals). This virile, God-like male person would possess not only an incomparable physique but also superhuman mental abilities so spectacular he could effortlessly juggle thousands of cinematic nude scenes in his head, memorizing with startling accuracy a multitude of names, body parts, lighting conditions, and the like. If you know of such a man, I would be grateful for an introduction.
You're a bit of an Internet prankster. Talk about your legal problems with the "political" "cartoonist" and all-around bag-of-douche Ted Rall.
In August 1999 an ambitious, mediocre cartoonist named Ted Rall wrote a feature article for The Village Voice; the article was an extremely negative personal attack on the Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist Art Spiegelman. After reading the disgusting article, I was inspired to write a humorous email, which parodied Rall's pompous, abrasive writing style; I sent this email to thirty individuals, most of whom were my friends (Rall was also included on the CC list). Within days I received letters from Rall's attorneys demanding tens of thousands of dollars and threatening legal action if I didn't pay up. I offered a retraction and an apology but no cash; a week or so later, Rall filed a $1.5 million dollar libel suit against me in NY State Supreme Court, and we've been in litigation ever since.
To date I've spent over $17,000 defending myself from Ted Rall's nuisance lawsuit. My lawyer has succeeded in getting portions of the lawsuit thrown out, but two counts, (Libel Per Se and Injurious Falsehood) remain; we may be going to trial sometime this fall.
And you've been banned from comic-book message boards. What is it, do comics not have a sense of humor?
The average person logically assumes that all cartoonists would have senses of humor; this is a mistake. On close inspection, the typical cartoonist is revealed to be a uniquely virulent variety of nerd, an obsessive, twisted freak lacking all social graces, with the requisite monomania and delusions of grandeur found in all such wretches (I, of course, possess none of these tragic character flaws). An internet forum populated with these individuals (such as the Comics Journal message board) would be best compared to a fetid hive of angry, retarded dung beetles.
It is my belief that in this life we should perform some charitable work for the betterment of our fellow humans; by mocking these misguided, nerdly creatures, I intend to help them to break free of their psychic prisons. It is for this reason that I return to the Comics Journal message board again and again, despite all attempts by the moderators to bar my entry.
You draw exceedingly sexy ladies. So what actresses do you find hot?
I've always had a thing for Nancy Walker; it had something to do with that naughty little waitress uniform she wore in the Bounty paper towel commercials. Please ask Mr. Skin if he can dig anything up on her, preferably some outtakes from McMillan and Wife. Second place on my list of heavenly Hollywood hotties goes (of course) to the electrifying Miss Elaine Stritch.
Do you recall the first time your witnessed a sex scene in a mainstream movie?
I remember squinting very hard during the deadly skinny-dipping scene at the beginning of Jaws (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4); I also think I remember watching a very young, very nude Melanie Griffith splash around temptingly in Night Moves (Picture: 1 - 2). Both of these scenes were soon eclipsed in my mind by Jacqueline Bisset's groundbreaking wet T-shirt work in The Deep (Picture: 1 - 2). Clearly the mid-'70s were a good time for a young boy to see movies about scantily clad actresses in the water.
Are there any specific sex scenes from filmdom that twirl your mustache?
Mr. Skin readers should understand that, as a case-hardened pornographic illustrator, I don't view filmic nude scenes with the same level of base excitement experienced by ordinary male viewers. When viewing nude scenes, I strive to maintain that same state of clinical detachment your doctor exudes when he checks your nut-sack for unwanted lumps. That said, I do recall that Frida starring Salma Hayek contained several scenes that I, as an artist, deemed to be aesthetically uplifting (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4).
Finally, cartoonist Sam Henderson has created a cartoon character based on you called Dirty Danny. How dirty are you?
Not dirty at all. I bathe compulsively, sometimes as often as three times daily. In sharp contrast, Sam Henderson is a dirty fucker.
all illustrations by Danny Hellman courtesy of DannyHellman.com
While working for top-shelf publications has buttered his bread, he's greased his pan by indulging in lurid and bizarre fantasies for magazines sealed in cellophane to protect the weak of heart.
Yes, Hellman is a complex individual and just the sort of morally challenged malcontent that Mr. Skin loves to bend an ear with. The New York City-based cartoonist talks about drawing monstrous penises, what kind of actresses make his member roar, and the dick who's entangled him in an expensive court battle.
Show your support for Hellman by purchasing his self-published Legal Action Comics, which can be found at his web site: www.DannyHellman.com. It'll make his lawyer very happy.
Is Hellman your real name?
If it wasn't my real name, would I tell you?
Your illustrations capture famous subjects perfectly. Do your powers of caricature come from Satan?
How nice of you to say so! To the best of my knowledge, I have never accepted powers (or any other gifts) from Satan, but thanks to Teflon, I recently acquired the power to make a perfect omelet.
How did you get into doodle work?
Like most children, I drew silly pictures for my own amusement; unlike the rest of you, I was never properly discouraged. After dropping out of college in the mid-'80s, I was faced with a grave decision: Either I could try peddling my dirty pictures to some not-too-discriminating gutter publication, or I could get a real job. I ask you, and all Mr. Skin readers: What choice would you make?
Is it true that you used to promote the infamous scum rock scene in '80s NYC?
In the late '80s, during one of several low points in my life, I drew posters for a handful of "scum" rock bands. On many nights (usually after some marijuana had changed hands) I went out under cover of darkness and slapped the Xeroxed posters onto the sides of buildings across Lower Manhattan. Postering the neighborhood would take hours, and by dawn, I would be soaked from head to toe with a film of sticky white paste; this may or may not be why the music is referred to as "scum" rock.
You have probably done more covers for Screw magazine then any other artist. Have you ever met its legendary former publisher, Al Goldstein?
I have met Al Goldstein briefly two or three times; each occasion was more forgettable than the last. Most recently I waved to a dazed Goldstein as we crossed paths on Manhattan's 14th Street; this was just after he'd been released from Riker's Island prison, a few months before Screw's near-fatal financial meltdown in 2003. I'm sure that my encounters with Goldstein would've been more memorable if only I'd had the foresight to hang a pastrami sandwich around my neck.
What's it like creating such luridly perverse art for America's most notorious sex weekly?
It's a profound joy to know that at any given moment, somewhere in the greater New York area, my artwork is being soiled with the fluids of countless reprobates. The best part of drawing for Screw is that one never lacks for lively conversation topics during holiday get-togethers with family.
Has your work appeared in more-traditional stroke books?
I've drawn for Hustler, Juggs, Genesis, High Society, and a few other stroke mags I've managed to purge from my memory. I've also done artwork for Time, Newsweek, Forbes, Fortune, The Wall Street Journal, Sports Illustrated, Mad, The Nation, New York Press, and countless other publications that don't usually have photos of naked women in them.
But your pen does not move for heterosexual periodicals alone, is that true?
It is true; for a brief, magical period I was on my way to becoming America's premier illustrator of gay short fiction. My drawings appeared with alarming frequency in the pages of Inches, Torso, Blue Boy, and one or two other fine homo mags. Most of these drawings depicted chance erotic encounters between a pair of ridiculously endowed nude men, usually in restrooms. I had a lot of laughs for a few years drawing for the gay mags; sadly, the publisher of these magazines died unexpectedly, and my ride on the gay gravy train came to a screeching halt. I drew my last gay illustration nearly a decade ago, but for some reason my friends never fail to remind me of this phase in my career, always loudly and in public.
Whereas others would use a pen name, you proudly sign your homosexual illustrations. Were you looking for a date?
It would take a special kind of man to dislodge me from the arms of my lovely wife; he would have to be the kind of ?ermenschNietzsche described in his 1887 essay Zur Geneologie der Moral (On the Genealogy of Morals). This virile, God-like male person would possess not only an incomparable physique but also superhuman mental abilities so spectacular he could effortlessly juggle thousands of cinematic nude scenes in his head, memorizing with startling accuracy a multitude of names, body parts, lighting conditions, and the like. If you know of such a man, I would be grateful for an introduction.
You're a bit of an Internet prankster. Talk about your legal problems with the "political" "cartoonist" and all-around bag-of-douche Ted Rall.
In August 1999 an ambitious, mediocre cartoonist named Ted Rall wrote a feature article for The Village Voice; the article was an extremely negative personal attack on the Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist Art Spiegelman. After reading the disgusting article, I was inspired to write a humorous email, which parodied Rall's pompous, abrasive writing style; I sent this email to thirty individuals, most of whom were my friends (Rall was also included on the CC list). Within days I received letters from Rall's attorneys demanding tens of thousands of dollars and threatening legal action if I didn't pay up. I offered a retraction and an apology but no cash; a week or so later, Rall filed a $1.5 million dollar libel suit against me in NY State Supreme Court, and we've been in litigation ever since.
To date I've spent over $17,000 defending myself from Ted Rall's nuisance lawsuit. My lawyer has succeeded in getting portions of the lawsuit thrown out, but two counts, (Libel Per Se and Injurious Falsehood) remain; we may be going to trial sometime this fall.
And you've been banned from comic-book message boards. What is it, do comics not have a sense of humor?
The average person logically assumes that all cartoonists would have senses of humor; this is a mistake. On close inspection, the typical cartoonist is revealed to be a uniquely virulent variety of nerd, an obsessive, twisted freak lacking all social graces, with the requisite monomania and delusions of grandeur found in all such wretches (I, of course, possess none of these tragic character flaws). An internet forum populated with these individuals (such as the Comics Journal message board) would be best compared to a fetid hive of angry, retarded dung beetles.
It is my belief that in this life we should perform some charitable work for the betterment of our fellow humans; by mocking these misguided, nerdly creatures, I intend to help them to break free of their psychic prisons. It is for this reason that I return to the Comics Journal message board again and again, despite all attempts by the moderators to bar my entry.
You draw exceedingly sexy ladies. So what actresses do you find hot?
I've always had a thing for Nancy Walker; it had something to do with that naughty little waitress uniform she wore in the Bounty paper towel commercials. Please ask Mr. Skin if he can dig anything up on her, preferably some outtakes from McMillan and Wife. Second place on my list of heavenly Hollywood hotties goes (of course) to the electrifying Miss Elaine Stritch.
Do you recall the first time your witnessed a sex scene in a mainstream movie?
I remember squinting very hard during the deadly skinny-dipping scene at the beginning of Jaws (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4); I also think I remember watching a very young, very nude Melanie Griffith splash around temptingly in Night Moves (Picture: 1 - 2). Both of these scenes were soon eclipsed in my mind by Jacqueline Bisset's groundbreaking wet T-shirt work in The Deep (Picture: 1 - 2). Clearly the mid-'70s were a good time for a young boy to see movies about scantily clad actresses in the water.
Are there any specific sex scenes from filmdom that twirl your mustache?
Mr. Skin readers should understand that, as a case-hardened pornographic illustrator, I don't view filmic nude scenes with the same level of base excitement experienced by ordinary male viewers. When viewing nude scenes, I strive to maintain that same state of clinical detachment your doctor exudes when he checks your nut-sack for unwanted lumps. That said, I do recall that Frida starring Salma Hayek contained several scenes that I, as an artist, deemed to be aesthetically uplifting (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4).
Finally, cartoonist Sam Henderson has created a cartoon character based on you called Dirty Danny. How dirty are you?
Not dirty at all. I bathe compulsively, sometimes as often as three times daily. In sharp contrast, Sam Henderson is a dirty fucker.
all illustrations by Danny Hellman courtesy of DannyHellman.com
