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The revolution will not be televised, that is unless Frank Kelly Rich, editor of Modern Drunkard magazine, gets the movie and TV tie-in he's working on. Then the revolution will be televised, but fans will be too soused to see it.
Rich views the world in 3-B: bars, booze, and broads. He's the voice of a generation too inebriated to speak for itself. He's an advocate for alcohol too blotto to take one step, let alone twelve. But Modern Drunkard comes out six times a year and subscriptions are available at his website, Drunkard.com, for a reasonable $24. That's less than a night's bar tab. While you're there, why not pick up a T-shirt, flask, or a fez for "the height of drinking sophistication."
The recently published The Modern Drunkard: A Handbook for Drinking in the 21st Century (Riverhead Books) is no mere bar bible. It is a tome of unbridled hilarity, slurred silliness, and pie-eyed philosophy. Teetotalers beware, but serious slurrealists rejoice. Rich is in negotiations for a follow-up book, tentatively titled Adventures in Alcohol.
It was high time that the Bard of Booze met with the Sultan of Skin, and so Mr. Skin spoke with Rich at his Denver, Colorado, headquarters to discuss matters of great import, such as what the drinks of the future may look like, if alcoholics are breast or leg men, and what his happiest happy hour was like.
What's the genesis of Modern Drunkard?
Ten years ago in Austin, Texas, I decided to start a 'zine called The Modern Nihilist (I was reading a lot of Nietzsche at the time). I started writing for it, and it struck me I was doing all my writing in bars. It struck me then--I should publish a magazine I actually knew something about: drinking. I moved to Denver and launched it six months later. It started as a crude 'zine, then, a lot of bar tabs later, blossomed into the sophisticated glossy it is today.
How does the modern drunkard compare to the historical drunk of the past?
Favorably, I think. We take a helluva lot of our cues from the past, particularly from the Rat Pack/Jackie Gleason era. It was a golden time, when men were men, and men drank like fish.
Is it true that besides editing and founding the great Modern Drunkard you're a science-fiction writer?
I wrote four futuristic action-adventure novels in the early to mid-'90s. The Jake Strait Bogeyman series. As you might expect, the protagonist, a sort of hit man for hire, gets loaded constantly.
What do you think the drinks of the future will be like?
If the trends continue, they'll all taste like candy. We labor mightily to impose the idea that liquor should taste like liquor, but the kids these days--they want stuff that goes down like Kool-Aid.
Your website is Drunkard.com, but if surfers type in the URL ModernDrunkard.com, they get a porno site. Are you a closet Larry Flynt?
Naw, some asshole hijacked the name early in our history then tried to sell it back for a lot of money. Eventually we'll sue him.
Your ranks swell with diversity--published novelists, filmmakers, barflies, punks, comedians, et al. What makes a modern drunkard?
A desire to have a good time, to take a break from that long gray lockstep toward the prison of death. Too many people are so worried about extending their life spans they forget to make their lives worth living. Which is ironic, because drinkers generally outlive non-drinkers.
Relate your happiest Happy Hour, especially if there are naked women involved.
The last one. It's always the last one, I enjoy them that much. They usually don't involve naked women, but there's always the next one.
Speaking of naked women, what's your preference--legs, ass, or boobs?
I'm a breast man, and I like them in all sizes.
I have a friend who printed business cards with the title Drunk Girl at the Bar. What's your best drunk-girl-at-the-bar story?
I met my wife at a bar. She was cocktailing and I was cockeyed. She wasn't drunk, but I was drunk enough for the both of us. We were engaged six weeks later.
Are you familiar with Mr. Skin?
Yes, but don't tell my wife.
Do you recall the first time you saw nudity in a mainstream movie growing up?
Oh yeah. My older brother illegally rigged up Cinemax when I was ten and it was a goldmine of nudity. I believe the first movie with blatant nudity I ever watched was Big Bad Mama with Angie Dickinson (Picture: 1 - 2). I still have a thing for her.
What's your favorite drinking scene from a movie?
There are two that come to mind. The famous "To all my friends!" scene in Barfly, and the less famous bar scene in The Sin of Harold Diddlebock where he drinks for the first time. Absolutely classic.
What actresses do you find hot?
I'm a sucker for actresses from the earlier days of Hollywood-Lauren Bacall (Picture: ), Ingrid Bergman (Picture: ), that stripe. They seemed to possess a certain class and mystery that contemporary actresses lack. If I had to pick a contemporary actress though, I'd lean toward Angelina Jolie (Picture: 1 - ) or Sean Young (Picture: ) in Blade Runner.
Who's your favorite soused actress?
Sadly, the actresses of today won't admit being drunk unless they're checking out of Betty Ford. So I'm going to say Mae West (Picture: ).
Do any Hollywood types subscribe to Modern Drunkard and its philosophy?
I lived in Hollywood for two years, and I can tell you there are a lot of Modern Drunkards in the dives of Tinseltown. I'm sure the celebrities are still there, but you'd have to hold a gun to their publicists head to get most of them to admit it. Colin Farrell is pretty upfront about it, but he's an exception to the rule.
Are you drunk right now?
Good God, man, it's 11 a.m. So I'm just half drunk.
Rich views the world in 3-B: bars, booze, and broads. He's the voice of a generation too inebriated to speak for itself. He's an advocate for alcohol too blotto to take one step, let alone twelve. But Modern Drunkard comes out six times a year and subscriptions are available at his website, Drunkard.com, for a reasonable $24. That's less than a night's bar tab. While you're there, why not pick up a T-shirt, flask, or a fez for "the height of drinking sophistication."
The recently published The Modern Drunkard: A Handbook for Drinking in the 21st Century (Riverhead Books) is no mere bar bible. It is a tome of unbridled hilarity, slurred silliness, and pie-eyed philosophy. Teetotalers beware, but serious slurrealists rejoice. Rich is in negotiations for a follow-up book, tentatively titled Adventures in Alcohol.
It was high time that the Bard of Booze met with the Sultan of Skin, and so Mr. Skin spoke with Rich at his Denver, Colorado, headquarters to discuss matters of great import, such as what the drinks of the future may look like, if alcoholics are breast or leg men, and what his happiest happy hour was like.
What's the genesis of Modern Drunkard?
Ten years ago in Austin, Texas, I decided to start a 'zine called The Modern Nihilist (I was reading a lot of Nietzsche at the time). I started writing for it, and it struck me I was doing all my writing in bars. It struck me then--I should publish a magazine I actually knew something about: drinking. I moved to Denver and launched it six months later. It started as a crude 'zine, then, a lot of bar tabs later, blossomed into the sophisticated glossy it is today.
How does the modern drunkard compare to the historical drunk of the past?
Favorably, I think. We take a helluva lot of our cues from the past, particularly from the Rat Pack/Jackie Gleason era. It was a golden time, when men were men, and men drank like fish.
Is it true that besides editing and founding the great Modern Drunkard you're a science-fiction writer?
I wrote four futuristic action-adventure novels in the early to mid-'90s. The Jake Strait Bogeyman series. As you might expect, the protagonist, a sort of hit man for hire, gets loaded constantly.
What do you think the drinks of the future will be like?
If the trends continue, they'll all taste like candy. We labor mightily to impose the idea that liquor should taste like liquor, but the kids these days--they want stuff that goes down like Kool-Aid.
Your website is Drunkard.com, but if surfers type in the URL ModernDrunkard.com, they get a porno site. Are you a closet Larry Flynt?
Naw, some asshole hijacked the name early in our history then tried to sell it back for a lot of money. Eventually we'll sue him.
Your ranks swell with diversity--published novelists, filmmakers, barflies, punks, comedians, et al. What makes a modern drunkard?
A desire to have a good time, to take a break from that long gray lockstep toward the prison of death. Too many people are so worried about extending their life spans they forget to make their lives worth living. Which is ironic, because drinkers generally outlive non-drinkers.
Relate your happiest Happy Hour, especially if there are naked women involved.
The last one. It's always the last one, I enjoy them that much. They usually don't involve naked women, but there's always the next one.
Speaking of naked women, what's your preference--legs, ass, or boobs?
I'm a breast man, and I like them in all sizes.
I have a friend who printed business cards with the title Drunk Girl at the Bar. What's your best drunk-girl-at-the-bar story?
I met my wife at a bar. She was cocktailing and I was cockeyed. She wasn't drunk, but I was drunk enough for the both of us. We were engaged six weeks later.
Are you familiar with Mr. Skin?
Yes, but don't tell my wife.
Do you recall the first time you saw nudity in a mainstream movie growing up?
Oh yeah. My older brother illegally rigged up Cinemax when I was ten and it was a goldmine of nudity. I believe the first movie with blatant nudity I ever watched was Big Bad Mama with Angie Dickinson (Picture: 1 - 2). I still have a thing for her.
What's your favorite drinking scene from a movie?
There are two that come to mind. The famous "To all my friends!" scene in Barfly, and the less famous bar scene in The Sin of Harold Diddlebock where he drinks for the first time. Absolutely classic.
What actresses do you find hot?
I'm a sucker for actresses from the earlier days of Hollywood-Lauren Bacall (Picture: ), Ingrid Bergman (Picture: ), that stripe. They seemed to possess a certain class and mystery that contemporary actresses lack. If I had to pick a contemporary actress though, I'd lean toward Angelina Jolie (Picture: 1 - ) or Sean Young (Picture: ) in Blade Runner.
Who's your favorite soused actress?
Sadly, the actresses of today won't admit being drunk unless they're checking out of Betty Ford. So I'm going to say Mae West (Picture: ).
Do any Hollywood types subscribe to Modern Drunkard and its philosophy?
I lived in Hollywood for two years, and I can tell you there are a lot of Modern Drunkards in the dives of Tinseltown. I'm sure the celebrities are still there, but you'd have to hold a gun to their publicists head to get most of them to admit it. Colin Farrell is pretty upfront about it, but he's an exception to the rule.
Are you drunk right now?
Good God, man, it's 11 a.m. So I'm just half drunk.
