Mr. Skin Has a Few Casting Ideas

According to the Hollywood rumor mill, German writer/director Marc Vorlander is at work on the follow-up to the 1995 skinstant classic Showgirls, called Showgirls: Story of Hope.

The details are sketchy at best, but blogs are reporting that the plot will have Rena Riffell's character Penny traveling to Frankfurt, Germany, to seek revenge on the people responsible for giving her brother a deadly dose of cocaine.

There is also a trippy-looking teaser video for the movie that you can watch here.

Since all the casting is still up in the air, we at have decided to take a stab at casting this flick, under the assumption that all the main characters will be returning.

With no other information to go on, we’ll do what we do in Vegas. We gamble.

For Nomi Malone, the hooker-turned-stripper-turned-showgirl played by a nude Elizabeth Berkley in the original, we have three suggestions:

AnnaLynne McCord of 90210 and Nip/Tuck fame for her trashy, bisexual, frizzy-haired sex appeal; Gossip Girl’s Blake Lively, whose ice cream photoshoot put all sorts of ideas into her fans’ heads; and recent newsmaker Taylor Swift, who would be a perfect nave ingnue.

We also have three suggestions for Crystal Connors, Nomi’s arch-rival and would-be lesbian lover. In the original, the role was played by Gina Gershon.

Our choices are: Marisa Tomei, who was one of our favorite strippers of all time in The Wrestler; Megan Fox, whose refusal to get nude would immediately disqualify her with extreme prejudice; and Rosario Dawson, who’s a little young for the part, but more than sexy enough.

The rest of the cast was easy.

Molly, Nomi’s roommate (Gina Ravera in the original) would be played by Naturi Naughton, who got naughty and nude in Notorious.

Dashing slimeball Zack “I got an MBA for this?” Carey (Kyle McLaughlin in the original) would either be Entourage poon-hound Adrien Grenier or Kyle McLaughlin himself, were he willing to reprise the role.

Sex-addicted dancer/choreographer James Smith (Glenn Plummer in the original) would be High School Musical’s Corbin Bleu.

Al Torres, the lecherous manager of Cheetah’s (Robert Davi in the original), would be action star Vin Diesel. “If you want to last longer than a week, you give me a blow job. First I get you used to the money, then I make you swallow.”

Tony Moss, the show manager who asked, “I'm erect. Why aren't you erect?” (Alan Rachin in the original), would be played by the brilliant character actor JK Simmons.

Rock star Andrew Carver (William Shockley in the original) would be former American Idol contestant and current Broadway star Constantine Maroulis.

Finally, replacing Rena Riffel as Penny/Hope would be the one and only Coco T, who is about a hundred times more curvaceous than Rena, but those are just details.

Above all, the cast of Showgirls: Story of Hope should keep in mind Nomi Malone’s immortal words:

“I just hope that I can be as good as the show.”