By J.R. Taylor
Pt. 2: The Poppin'-Upstarts
Summer's over, but the temperature--along with our inseams--is rising in living rooms all over America with the new fall season. Last week we probed all the hottest babes debuting in new shows on CBS, NBC, and ABC. Now it's time to take a look at what the new generation of networks is generating in our drawers.
It's another season where the folks at UPN try to get their schedule up and running--and the new slate includes some major babes that have gotten us up in the past:
2003's Miss Match couldn't save Alicia Silverstone's career, but here's another batch of matchmakers who'll fan a flare-up in our pants. Busy Philipps (Picture: 1) stars as the lead busybody, whom we're supposed to believe has her own romantic troubles--despite that busy bod she's displayed on Dawson's Creek and in the comedy White Chicks (2004). She's joined by veteran TV fox Holly Robinson Peete, with a sexy supporting cast including Ion Overman of The L Word and Reagan Gomez-Preston (Picture: 1)--who was last seen putting together a perfect pair in her bra while starring in Never Die Alone (2004).
Sex, Love & Secrets
UPN pulls out the big guns as Denise Richards's (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3) big 'uns stretch out the small screen in this new drama. She's an evil publicist horning in on Lauren German's relationship with aspiring L.A. rock star James Stevenson--who's got his hands full deciding whether to fill his hands with Denise's riches from Wild Things (1998) or Lauren's lovelies from Standing Still (2004). We've seen a lot less of new starlet Tamara Taylor, but we're hoping to see a lot more of her at work as a dashing young gynecologist.
The Fox network is sparing us another seasonal slate full of reality shows and instead offers plenty of real foxes--with some skinsational surprises that'll keep our own snouts sniffing for fresh meat all season long:
It's no surprise to see Chris O'Donnell showing up in a sitcom after his string of box-office failures. Adam Goldberg hasn't had much better luck with his hipster indie films, so they make for a natural team of sweetly psychotic lawyers. The big thrill is seeing Krista Allen showing up as O'Donnell's ex-wife. Being married to the Emmanuelle of the '90s (for a total of eight films) would drive any lawyer to both file and shred his briefs. Hopefully Krista will be around to do her usual fine job of really putting the "head" into the series's cornball title.
We've got plenty of ideas that should attract the attention of the Deviant Crime Unit of the San Francisco Police Department--and they're all inspired by this new show's cast of cops. Johnny Messner stars as the policeman who joins the specialty crime squad after the murder of his partner, with whom he was emotionally involved. But don't make assumptions just because it's Frisco. Messner's partner was a gal. Now he looks to get lucky again when he's paired up with Marguerite Moreau (Picture: 1 - 2), last seen making it hard for us all in Easy (2003). Tune in early, though, since Moreau's really a ringer who's serving as a guest star, with Kristin Lehman (Picture: 1 - 2) eventually adding to the deviancy as the series's regular darling detective. Anyone's who's seen Kristin's work--and body parts--in Dog Park (1998) and Bleeders (1997) knows that Messner's new outfit better include a bulletproof crotch.
Something's cooking in our khakis thanks to this new sitcom that resides in a restaurant. Bradley Cooper stars as a disgraced chef who gets a second shot at the big time, but he'd gladly go to work at an Olive Garden if it meant working with a hostess like Jaime King (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3). It's a career setback for the former teen model, who tried to break through in Pearl Harbor (2001) and Slackers (2002)--but it's also a return to the simple days of when she bared her happy meals in Happy Campers (2001). Bonnie Somerville (Picture: 1) also shows up as the scheming boss's daughter, although she got us steaming when she rolled out her tight top on the short-lived 2000 series Grosse Pointe.
Wentworth Miller gets himself thrown into a jail he designed so he can help brother Dominic Purcell break out of death row--which makes him the stupidest engineer ever, since he could be spending late nights with hard-working defense attorney Robin Tunney (Picture: 1 - 2 - 3). After all, Robin did a fine job springing her clothes free in films such as Supernova (2000) and Investigating Sex (2001). On the other hand, the lovely Sarah Wayne Callies is behind bars as a doctor who needs closer examination. Jessalyn Gilsig (Picture: ) also gives Purcell something to live for as the mother of his child--and we saw her own intimate inmates almost break out of her flimsy top during an appearance on The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn.
This ambitious drama follows the long story of six teenagers who are good friends in 1986--and then are narrowed down to five murder suspects in 2005. The mystery unravels slowly, but the same can't be said for the clothes of this series's three mysterious dames. Alexa Davalos (Picture: 1) bared her boobies via HBO's And Starring Pancho Villa as Himself (2003), Chyler Leigh (Picture: 1 - 2) got us committing crimes in our pants with her turn in Not Another Teen Movie (2001), and Amanda Righetti (Picture: 1 - 2) got our rod rigid with bikini-busting turns on The O.C. and North Shore.
It's actually slim pickings this year from The WB, as the channel takes a break from providing us beaucoups barely legal babes. There's a theme to this season's Winning Bods, though, and it's got us raising our antennae:
One of the creators of Friends joins with the co-author of He's Just Not That into You to bring us four sisters who sit around and bitch about their love lives. This sex in the city will get us tuning in, though, since the erotic ensemble includes Jennifer Esposito (Picture: 1 - 2)--who caused our cock to collide with our zipper while she mounted Don Cheadle in Crash (2004). Kiele Sanchez and Lizzy Caplan are still rising starlets, but Laura Breckenridge already raised a blood tie in our pants with her sexy turn in Southern Belles (2005).
Sinsational siblings continue with this sitcom about non-identical twins Sara Gilbert and Molly Stanton taking over the family lingerie business. Molly's the pretty one--as quickly proven by her underwear modeling--but let's not forget that Sara's pretty sexy as the real-life lesbian. (Her lover, incidentally, is Allison Adler, who's staying busy this season as a staff writer for ABC's Commander-in-Chief.) Anyway, the show really reins in viewers as Melanie Griffith (Picture: 1) reins in her own twin pleasures as the gals' marvelous MILF. It's her first small-screen project to make it past the pilot stage, and we know that her enhanced boobies--as proudly displayed in Nobody's Fool (1994)--will get us flying via the boob tube.