Tail from the Darkside
Tail from the Darkside
Welcome back, my thirsty friends, to Castle Rackula. Last week, I dug deep into the catacombs of 1980s horror movies and came up with more than a few bones.
On this visit, I would like to turn your attention to the world of horror television. In the 1980s, a slew of shows popped up in the vein of old classics The Twilight Zone and Kolchak the Night Stalker.
While shows like Tales from the Crypt, The Hunger, and Masters of Horror are well known for their copious nudity, this was not the case, sadly, with these syndicated broadcast series. But they still had their share of babes, many of whom decides to flash flesh elsewhere.
Here are my four favorites.
Tales from the Darkside (1984-88)
Before it was made into a feature film featuring the funbags of Rae Dawn Chong, horror anthology series Tales from the Darkside featured episodes directed by Tom Savini, Bob Balaban, and Theodore Gershuny, director of exploitation classics Sugar Cookies and Silent Night, Bloody Night.
Buckinghamshire-born Carolyn Seymour appeared in two episodes, “Dream Girl” and “The Trouble with Mary Jane.”
In the 1970s, Carolyn had shown skin in a number of raunchy movies, including Unman, Wittering and Zigo, The Ruling Class, and Steptoe and Son, where she played a stripper and got topless.
Back then, Carolyn would really let you see-more!
Friday the 13th, The Series (1987-1990)
After producing the second, third, fourth, and fifth installments of Paramount's wildly successful Friday the 13th slasher movie franchise, Frank Mancuso, Jr. took the name and created a TV series completely unrelated to Jason Voorhees, Camp Crystal Lake, or any of the other people and places that defined the movies.
The series starred lovely redhead Louise Robey, Chris Wiggins, and John D. LeMay as the inheritors of a shop full of cursed antiques with a mission to bring back all the cursed objects that had previously been sold and put them in a vault where they could do no harm.
The show used a largely Canadian cast and recycled some actors, casting them as different parts in different episodes. One such actor was former model Monika Schnarre, who played Sandy Thomerson in an episode about a cursed compact and Lisa Caldwell in an episode about an embalming machine with the power to restore life to a corpse after the owner has used it to take another’s life.
In 1999, Monika got a recurring role on syndicated sword-and-sorcery series The Beastmaster, but her real banner year came in 2005, when she played a lesbian bombshell who showed her size 36C rack to and made out with The Practice star Marla Sokoloff in Love on the Side.
Louise Robey herself showed off her boobies two years after the show ended in Play Nice.
You won’t need a cursed embalming machine to animate the stiff in your pants.
Monsters (1988-1991)
First let me say that this movie is not related to the true crime drama Monster with Charlize Theron as serial killer Aileen Wuornos, though it did run at roughly the same time that the real Aileen Wuornos was doing her thing.
Coincidences aside, Monsters yields less naked actresses than other series of its ilk, despite the fact that it featured many a pair of monster tits.
Sharing a producer (Richard P. Rubenstein) and a writer (Theodore Gershuny)
with Tales from the Darkside, Monsters was a similar anthology series, but with a different feel.
As the name suggests, episodes of Monsters tended to focus on some sort of malevolent supernatural being and added a large helping of comedy to the horror mix.
Along with soon-to-be stars like Steve Buscemi and Lili Taylor, Monsters showcased Pennsylvania farmgirl Lisa Waltz, who would go on the show her udders in Pet Sematary Two.
Waltz? How about the horizontal hula?
Freddy’s Nightmares (1988-1990)
Unlike Friday the 13th: The Series, Freddy's Nightmares actually featured the killer from the movies, as well as the fictional town of Springwood, on its episodes.
Freddy Kreuger (Robert Englund) was a kind of Crypt Keeper-esque host who introduced the interlocking stories in bumper segments.
The series was low budget and used unknown actors but some of those actors, like Brad Pitt, John Cameron Mitchell, and Mariska Hargitay later became big stars.
And some, like Sarah Buxton and Lori Petty, went on to show skin. Soap opera babe Kim Morgan Greene, who appeared in two episodes, later had lesbian sex with softcore starlet and KISS groupie extraordinaire Shannon Tweed in Scorned and showed off boobs, butt, and bush in The Soft Kill.
And I would be amiss not to mention Sandahl Bergman, who appeared in two episodes as Ginger 'Tracker' Morgan and has bared ta in classics like She, Inner Sanctum II, Possessed by the Night, and most famously, Conan the Barbarian.
Check out these babes and their extracurricular nudity and you’ll definitely Spring Wood!
That’s all for now, my friends. Come back to Castle Rackula next week for more chills, hills, and little blue pills. Until then, fangs for the mammaries!
