Lindsay Lohan: Thank you for keeping me guessing, For turning into a pseudohippie not wearing a bra. And mostly, for making me think there's a chance we could be together since you can't figure out if you're gay, straight, or just a bit of a racist. You truly are an inspiration to young, sexually confused, budding breasted ladies everywhere. Love you.
Britney Spears: Thank you for finally hitting rock bottom and putting your alleged "Circus" on display for everyone to see. For remembering you still have a bit of a career left and making a decent comeback (so far). I'll give you credit for putting out an album, laying off the Frappys, and getting your shit together enough to see your kids again. But you've still got daddy on the payroll? 26 years old and you can't go out- that's got to suck. Sneak some guys (or gals) into that crazy sex room of yours! And then videotape it- you must keep the roller coaster going!
Kim Kardashian's ass: Just her ass. It's amazing, and I don't know how she handles it. I see pictures from the back and think, ok, she's got a big butt. But then I see a picture from the side and I'm wondering what it must be like to have that round of a rump, sitting down must be uncomfortable when your literally trying to balance on basketballs. That ass is out to cause trouble, or just get her thrown off a beach (sometimes there's just not enough room for both!).
Then there are the new mothers with some serious boobage:
Christina Aguilera: For having a baby, and flaunting your enormous milk jugs all over the place. I mean-WOW-I've seen some swollen sweater meat, but I'm looking at pictures of you from way back when and it is like night and day. I'm surprised that your top-heavy highness doesn't slip on all the drool from the paparazzi...
Angelina Jolie: Honey, getting pregnant and packing on the baby pounds isn't going to make anyone think you're less attractive, so you can come up for some fresh poop-stench-less air anytime now. And while you don't have to go flashing your breasts on the porch of your bazillion dollar Parisian castle, we won't complain if you do it again. We love babies at MrSkin.com, because we know that they love your boobs as much as we do!
Salma Hayek: Thank youthank youthank you. You make beautiful children and you look fantastic while doing it. We all know she looks amazing- pregnant boobs or not- but these milk fountains take on a personality all their own. She's addicted to breast feeding-I think I can name about 30 people (myself included) who would love to help you with your addiction. Just breast feed forever.
And of course the boobiest ladies on TV-
House Bunnies: Here's a show that only gets better when you're watching it on DVD-no more fuzzy blur marks and LOTS of Loblollies! Holly, I hate to be the one to tell you this but your pussy has been tricked out of the best life you could have. And then you magically replaced yourself with two younger versions of you-destroying any chance of going back, and all for one of the top 5 D-Bags on the planet. Kendra, you're a very sexy, classy girl but I'm pretty sure I can go the rest of my life without hearing you laugh again. And then there's Bridget, princess oblivious, keep taking your top off girl-you look good.
Boobwatch 2008 continues with just a month left in the year, I am so very thankful for all the twin peaks I have had the pleasure of seeing. I hope that you all have a fantastic Thanksgiving and that you eat all the yams you can get your hands on!
Many thanks to Chris Roo for his amazing photography, for more of his work visit: www.chrisroo.com
