Sybil Danning Nude

Some may wonder what advice I, Mr. Skin, the world’s foremost authority on celebrity nudity, can provide to amorously adventurous, married—and now, no doubt, harried—attempted-blackmail victim David Letterman.

Well, for one, I can tell him where to find the greatest women-in-prison shower scene of all time (29 minutes into 1983’s Chained Heat, where new fish Linda Blair gets a taste of queen jailbird Sybil Danning).

But, more practically, I can offer guidance to Dave via lessons I’ve gleaned from vital naked movie moments. In fact I can even give him:

Mr. Skin’s Top 10 Extramarital/Interoffice Nude Scenes (and What David Letterman Can Learn from Them)

10. Secretary (2002)

Time: 1 hour, 15 minutes

Nude: Maggie Gyllenhaal

Scene: Maggie leans forward on a desk for boss James Spader, who removes her undergarments and spanks that assistant.

The Lesson: Love hurts. So much, sometimes, it can leave you black and blue and read (on the very gossip sites you’ve forever struggled to avoid) all over.

See the complete list after the cut.

Mr. Skin’s DVD Pick of the Week

Deadgirl (2009)
STUDIO: Dark Sky
NUDE: Jenny Spain (breasts, butt) (Picture)
Horny high schoolers J.T. (Noah Segan) and Rickie (Shiloh Fernandez) discover a chained, naked, and evidently undead woman (Jenny Spain) in an abandoned mental asylum and decide to take advantage of the situation in the unique horror flick Deadgirl (2008). After J.T. bangs her, to Rickie’s horror, he starts inviting his friends over for gang bangs. The dead girl’s naked boobs, butt, and bush are featured prominently, so don’t be surprised if you get rigor mortis in your pants.

Hey, Los Angelenos -- Don’t Miss Tonight’s Great Linda Blair Grindhouse Double Feature at the New Beverly Theater!

Chained Heat and Savage Streets – two of Linda Blair’s most skin-during exploitation classics – will play tonight (September 30, 2008) as this month’s entry in the ongoing, mind-and-lap-blowing Grindhouse Film Festival held at the beloved New Beverly Theater.

Savage Streets starts at 7:30pm. It not only showcases Linda in the buff, but also Linnea Quigley (as her mute kid sister), Rebecca Perle, and Suzee Slater.

Chained Heat follows at 10pm. It’s Mr. Skin’s all-time favorite Women-in-Prison film and, aside from Dean Wormer as the warden with a hot tub and a home-porn studio on his office, you’ll see the following skinema icons in the raw: Linda Blair, Sybil Danning, Edy Williams, and Monique Gabrielle, along with lesser-known, but still lusty, lady-cons.

Plus, live in person, you can press the flesh with horror hottie Nekromistress! Tell them Mr. Skin sent you!

In Arapaho, Oklahoma this week, authorities arrested Custer County Sheriff Mike Burgess for a long list of crimes including forcing 12 female inmates at the county jail to compete in a wet t-shirt contest with cigarettes as the prize, having sex with a woman in his custody, making another inmate a trustee after she gave him a blowjob, 14 counts of second-degree rape, and seven counts of forcible oral sodomy. From the looks of things, first-class sleazebag Burgess was running a hellhole not unlike the grimy pits of skin and sex that are featured in some of the classic Women in Prison films we love so much. In Bad Girls Dormitory (1984), the inmates also have to deal with a sadistic and corrupt warden who forces them to wear white t-shirts that reveal the outlines of their hard-nippled knockers. Eerily similar. Likewise, Chained Heat (1983), a movie that features the formidable funbags of femmes fatale Linda Blair and Sybil Danning, features John Vernon as Warden Bacman, a dirty old man who makes a practice of sticking it to his inmates in his private hot tub. One of my all-time favorite rack-tresses, Rainbeaux Smith, appears in another great WIP flick, Caged Heat (1974), directed by Jonathan Demme and produced by Roger Corman. This time the inmates' persecutor is a wheelchair-bound lesbian played by Barbara Steele, but her tactics of intimidation are just as brutal as any man's. Maybe if Sheriff Burgess had watched some of these movies, he would have known that the slimeballs running the women's jails always get theirs in the end.

Years come, years go. So as 2007 fades into the new horizons of 2008, let's be freshly grateful, then, that flesh on film lasts forever. The past twelve months have provided a bumper crop of delectable actresses unveiling themselves on DVD.