By Peter Landau
Who says Friday the 13th is unlucky? Not Paramount, which has just released a five-DVD collection called Friday the 13th: From Crystal Lake to Manhattan. The studio made a killing with the series about the hockey-mask-wearing, machete-slicing psycho Jason Voorhees and generously offers this treat just in time for Halloween.
Not everyone is happy to receive this horror of plenty. Some hardcore fans are screaming bloody murder as if they've gotten a razorblade in their apple. Where are the uncut versions? What about the allegedly X-rated parts 6 & 7 in the series? And why no 3-D edition of part 3?
Valid questions, one and all. But while the frenzied fanatics' blood lust demands the extended scenes of gory carnage that were left on the cutting-room floor, the breast bits that make both heads reel reward skin watchers.
So let us put the controversy behind us and concentrate on the cunt-roversy. In seven of the eight films amassed in the box set there is nudity, and those are the kind of numbers Mr. Skin can really play with. Well into the series run, Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986) dropped the nude ball, despite starring Jennifer Cooke, who flashed patriotic pasties over her American wet dreams in Gimme an "F" (1984), and Drive-In Diva Darcy DeMoss, who is known for showing off her hard body in Hardbodies (1984) and Forbidden Zone: Alien Abduction (1996).
But seven out of eight means that the chance of catching a naked lady in the Friday the 13th movies is very high. Those are some good odds. And since Mr. Skin is a master-better, here are the odds-on favorites to win the preakness in your pants. By focusing on the girls of Friday the 13th, everyone's a winner. TGIF!
FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980)
This was Hollywood's first attempt to cash in on the independent success of slice-'em-uppers such as Halloween (1978), but pre-hockey-mask Jason was just getting his knife wet. For the most part he neglected the skin that needs to precede being skinned. Not, however, in the case of Jeannine Taylor, who flashes some dark breast meat while she's getting porked by Kevin Bacon. This new transfer makes seeing Jeannine's sole skin onscreen that much easier, as her exposure was murky in earlier releases of the film on VHS. It may not qualify as skintacular, but the sight of never naked Laurie Bartram and Adrienne King--who has not been nude onscreen either but did flash a quarter moon in Bush League (2003)--bouncing around in tight, nearly see-through T-shirts deserves an honorable mention.
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 (1981)
It was still early in the series, so forgive Kirsten Baker for not understanding the dangers of stripping naked for a midnight dip in Crystal Lake. Having already shown her talents in such one-hand classics as Teen Lust (1978) and Gas Pump Girls (1979), Kirsten was ready for her muff close-up, and she delivers in this, her last and lustiest onscreen nudity. Adrienne King, returning from the original, and Amy Steel were too afraid to take off their clothes. Let's hope Jason didn't scare Kirsten away from an encore perv-formance.
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3 (1982)
Now we feel the pain of the Friday the 13th-lovers who bemoan the lack of 3-D for this release. Tracie Savage's boobs are simply too big for 2-D and need the extra dimension to fully realize their rotund realness. Her shower scene may be an homage to the original Psycho (1960), but Alfred Hitchcock never let his camera linger over the wet sacks of Janet Leigh with the same booby-eyed enthusiasm as director Steve Miner does here. Sadly, Tracie has turned her back on her skinful career and now works as a TV newscaster for Channel 4 in Los Angeles. But she's never gotten a scoop like the ones she showed in this flick!
FRIDAY THE 13TH - PART IV: THE FINAL CHAPTER (1984)
The skin ante was upped in this title, with Judie Aronson, Barbara Howard, and tiny-topped twins Camilla and Carey More offering a full house of nudity. Kimberly Beck, no stranger to nudity as seen in Massacre at Central High (1976), may have been skingy, but Judie joins the More twins in a skinny-dipping scene that shows more, more, more. Judie even goes for a solo skinny dip after sunset, never learning from Kirsten's lesson of Friday the 13th Part 2. Meanwhile, Barbara is putting them on the glass in a steamy shower sex scene. This was Judie's nude debut, but she went on to bare all in Cool Blue (1988) and The Sleeping Car (1990). It also marks the first skin for Barbara and Cary, but they were never seen nude again. Cary's saucier sister Camilla, though, enjoyed flashing her (now fake) finery in The Serpent of Death (1989) and Dead Tides (1997). Thankfully, this was not the final chapter for her.
FRIDAY THE 13TH, PART 5: A NEW BEGINNING (1985)
Jason comes back from the dead yet again, but he was still stiff watching comely cadavers-to-be Juliette Cummins and Rebecca Wood proving even sexier than their family names. Juliette's boobs look hot even when they're covered in her blood. And Rebecca gives everyone wood flashing her rack in the mirror. Debi Sue Voorhees could have been Jason's sister, so no wonder he gouged out her eyes after catching her nude in the woods getting nasty with her man. Not officially naked, Melanie Kinnamon still manages to raise Mr. Skin's machete when her boobs pop through a wet shirt. That same year, in Thunder Alley (1985), she caused a tempest in audiences' pants when she at last took off her top. Debi Sue's big boobs came a-knocking only one more time in Appointment with Fear (1988), but Rebecca never gave viewers a woody again. For former U.S. national gymnast Juliette, this pole-vaulted her career as a Scream Queen, making viewers' poles happy in Psycho III (1986), Slumber Party Massacre II (1987), and Click: The Calendar Girl Killer (1990). That tantalizing track record makes this movie more like a nude beginning!
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD (1988)
Mr. Skin isn't superstitious, but lucky number 7 actually wasn't as fortunate as past Friday the 13th fare for skin seekers, as only Elizabeth Kaitan and Heidi Kozak exposed their lucky charms. Elizabeth let her large and natural Mrs. Softies out in a dark sex scene, but she's no stranger to skin. This Hungarian honey has been sharing her sweet stuff since Violated (1984) and up to Vice Academy 5 (1996)--up being the operative word here, as she never lets her fans down when it comes to releasing her mouth-watering whoppers. For horny Heidi this was her one time up at the skin plate, but she hit it out of the park. Her fully nude skinny-dipping scene must have pleased the director, because he kept her in the cold water for hours. She reportedly came down with a case of hyperthermia. It sure would have been nice to play doctor with her.
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN (1989)
Paramount ended its stranglehold on the series with the least-naked outing outside of the original and the totally skinless part 6. Obviously it was time for a change. But the producers did throw audiences a bone in the boner-inducing charms of Tiffany Paulsen's T&A. She smooches with her beau topless as he pulls down her tighty-whities, which is a red flag for Jason. You know what happens next. This was Tiffany's first time onscreen, and she hasn't taken it off since. Don't be fooled by Sharlene Martin's brief nude scene; it's a body double, but it's still the closest she's gotten to skin in her less-than-carnal career. So much for the seen-tit-all Manhattanites; they send Jason off with a whimper, not a bang.
Jason aficionados know this box is not the complete run of the scary series. Paramount sold the franchise to New Line, which went on to produce three more movies in the sexy fright cycle. And while not collected in this box set, these films are filled with too many fine females to ignore. Mr. Skin would be neglecting his obligation to nudity not to provide this arousing addendum.
JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY (1993)
If the title doesn't get your attention, then watch what happens to horror 'ho Michelle Clunie at the thirty-three-minute mark. Michelle proved booty-licious in her previous nude screen time as a stripper in Sunset Strip (1992) and gets equally skinny with her beau here for some outdoor loving. Only Jason didn't read the bumper sticker on the tent flap: "If this tent's a-rocking, then don't come knocking." Well, he doesn't actually knock. Just as a naked Michelle is reaching the Big O riding her camping companion, she gets a big ow when Jason impales her. No wonder she became a lesbian in the Showtime skin-series Queer as Folk, where her female lover is decidedly less aggressive in the sack. Anyway, she already had the les-be-friends bit down after a steamy topless make-out session in Erotique (1994). Other mam-worthy appearances are by Kathryn Atwood, who lets her little marshmallows warm by the fire at a roast, and Julie Michaels flashing some side-tit and ass. Julie also works as the stunt double for equally erotic actresses such as Pamela Anderson and Jaime Pressly. When she's in a film someone's going to get hurt, and it's likely to be your crotch.
JASON X (2001)
It's the tenth outing for this powerhouse, and the Roman numeral could use a couple extras X's to prepare the viewer for the skintopia to come. Only the skin is all of the cyber or skinthetic type. To explain: First Jason ends up in virtual reality, where first-time nudies Tania Maro and Kaye Penaflor play drunken teens out in the woods and out of their shirts teasing Jason, whose mighty machete chops don't harm the computer-generated cuties. Lisa Ryder is a cyborg that likes to show off her boobs and their detachable nipples. For another ride with Lisa, check out Blackheart (2001); she's not naked but locks lips in a hot lesbo scene with Maria Conchita Alonso. Non-nude but still sexy are Melissa Ade and Melody Johnson, who are pretty skingy in their careers. For instance, the closest Melody came to making Johnsons sing was in Jailbait! (2000) taming a wild bikini. Lexa Doig doesn't flaunt her stuff here, but she has gone on to do the Doig in The Tracker (2000) and No Alibi (2000). That bitch is fine.
FREDDY VS. JASON (2003)
It had to happen; two of terror's greatest titans together for the first time. And in this, the eleventh film in the series, the action starts off with the familiar nighttime skinny dip. Mr. Skin wouldn't have it any other way, especially since Odessa Munroe, the topless table-tennis tramp from Saving Silverman (2001), offers up the wet T&A. Odessa just keeps on giving, like when she flashes her plastic fantastic from the backseat of a speeding motorcycle in Final Destination 2 (2003). But she definitely saves the breast for this flick. You'll also be keen on Monica Keena, whose cleavage is almost as good as most women's naked chests. Sadly, Monica's never bared those big girls, though Freddy does his best to undress her with his bloodshot eyes in one scene. There's a nude debut from Laura Boddington, whose Boddington deserves closer inspection, and it appears that Katherine Isabelle is naked in the shower, but in fact it's body double Tammy Morris. In Freddy vs. Jason the winner is clear: the hairy-palmed viewer. Let's hope these two live to fright again.
Who says Friday the 13th is unlucky? Not Paramount, which has just released a five-DVD collection called Friday the 13th: From Crystal Lake to Manhattan. The studio made a killing with the series about the hockey-mask-wearing, machete-slicing psycho Jason Voorhees and generously offers this treat just in time for Halloween.
Not everyone is happy to receive this horror of plenty. Some hardcore fans are screaming bloody murder as if they've gotten a razorblade in their apple. Where are the uncut versions? What about the allegedly X-rated parts 6 & 7 in the series? And why no 3-D edition of part 3?
Valid questions, one and all. But while the frenzied fanatics' blood lust demands the extended scenes of gory carnage that were left on the cutting-room floor, the breast bits that make both heads reel reward skin watchers.
So let us put the controversy behind us and concentrate on the cunt-roversy. In seven of the eight films amassed in the box set there is nudity, and those are the kind of numbers Mr. Skin can really play with. Well into the series run, Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986) dropped the nude ball, despite starring Jennifer Cooke, who flashed patriotic pasties over her American wet dreams in Gimme an "F" (1984), and Drive-In Diva Darcy DeMoss, who is known for showing off her hard body in Hardbodies (1984) and Forbidden Zone: Alien Abduction (1996).
But seven out of eight means that the chance of catching a naked lady in the Friday the 13th movies is very high. Those are some good odds. And since Mr. Skin is a master-better, here are the odds-on favorites to win the preakness in your pants. By focusing on the girls of Friday the 13th, everyone's a winner. TGIF!
FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980)
This was Hollywood's first attempt to cash in on the independent success of slice-'em-uppers such as Halloween (1978), but pre-hockey-mask Jason was just getting his knife wet. For the most part he neglected the skin that needs to precede being skinned. Not, however, in the case of Jeannine Taylor, who flashes some dark breast meat while she's getting porked by Kevin Bacon. This new transfer makes seeing Jeannine's sole skin onscreen that much easier, as her exposure was murky in earlier releases of the film on VHS. It may not qualify as skintacular, but the sight of never naked Laurie Bartram and Adrienne King--who has not been nude onscreen either but did flash a quarter moon in Bush League (2003)--bouncing around in tight, nearly see-through T-shirts deserves an honorable mention.
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 (1981)
It was still early in the series, so forgive Kirsten Baker for not understanding the dangers of stripping naked for a midnight dip in Crystal Lake. Having already shown her talents in such one-hand classics as Teen Lust (1978) and Gas Pump Girls (1979), Kirsten was ready for her muff close-up, and she delivers in this, her last and lustiest onscreen nudity. Adrienne King, returning from the original, and Amy Steel were too afraid to take off their clothes. Let's hope Jason didn't scare Kirsten away from an encore perv-formance.
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 3 (1982)
Now we feel the pain of the Friday the 13th-lovers who bemoan the lack of 3-D for this release. Tracie Savage's boobs are simply too big for 2-D and need the extra dimension to fully realize their rotund realness. Her shower scene may be an homage to the original Psycho (1960), but Alfred Hitchcock never let his camera linger over the wet sacks of Janet Leigh with the same booby-eyed enthusiasm as director Steve Miner does here. Sadly, Tracie has turned her back on her skinful career and now works as a TV newscaster for Channel 4 in Los Angeles. But she's never gotten a scoop like the ones she showed in this flick!
FRIDAY THE 13TH - PART IV: THE FINAL CHAPTER (1984)
The skin ante was upped in this title, with Judie Aronson, Barbara Howard, and tiny-topped twins Camilla and Carey More offering a full house of nudity. Kimberly Beck, no stranger to nudity as seen in Massacre at Central High (1976), may have been skingy, but Judie joins the More twins in a skinny-dipping scene that shows more, more, more. Judie even goes for a solo skinny dip after sunset, never learning from Kirsten's lesson of Friday the 13th Part 2. Meanwhile, Barbara is putting them on the glass in a steamy shower sex scene. This was Judie's nude debut, but she went on to bare all in Cool Blue (1988) and The Sleeping Car (1990). It also marks the first skin for Barbara and Cary, but they were never seen nude again. Cary's saucier sister Camilla, though, enjoyed flashing her (now fake) finery in The Serpent of Death (1989) and Dead Tides (1997). Thankfully, this was not the final chapter for her.
FRIDAY THE 13TH, PART 5: A NEW BEGINNING (1985)
Jason comes back from the dead yet again, but he was still stiff watching comely cadavers-to-be Juliette Cummins and Rebecca Wood proving even sexier than their family names. Juliette's boobs look hot even when they're covered in her blood. And Rebecca gives everyone wood flashing her rack in the mirror. Debi Sue Voorhees could have been Jason's sister, so no wonder he gouged out her eyes after catching her nude in the woods getting nasty with her man. Not officially naked, Melanie Kinnamon still manages to raise Mr. Skin's machete when her boobs pop through a wet shirt. That same year, in Thunder Alley (1985), she caused a tempest in audiences' pants when she at last took off her top. Debi Sue's big boobs came a-knocking only one more time in Appointment with Fear (1988), but Rebecca never gave viewers a woody again. For former U.S. national gymnast Juliette, this pole-vaulted her career as a Scream Queen, making viewers' poles happy in Psycho III (1986), Slumber Party Massacre II (1987), and Click: The Calendar Girl Killer (1990). That tantalizing track record makes this movie more like a nude beginning!
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD (1988)
Mr. Skin isn't superstitious, but lucky number 7 actually wasn't as fortunate as past Friday the 13th fare for skin seekers, as only Elizabeth Kaitan and Heidi Kozak exposed their lucky charms. Elizabeth let her large and natural Mrs. Softies out in a dark sex scene, but she's no stranger to skin. This Hungarian honey has been sharing her sweet stuff since Violated (1984) and up to Vice Academy 5 (1996)--up being the operative word here, as she never lets her fans down when it comes to releasing her mouth-watering whoppers. For horny Heidi this was her one time up at the skin plate, but she hit it out of the park. Her fully nude skinny-dipping scene must have pleased the director, because he kept her in the cold water for hours. She reportedly came down with a case of hyperthermia. It sure would have been nice to play doctor with her.
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART VIII: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN (1989)
Paramount ended its stranglehold on the series with the least-naked outing outside of the original and the totally skinless part 6. Obviously it was time for a change. But the producers did throw audiences a bone in the boner-inducing charms of Tiffany Paulsen's T&A. She smooches with her beau topless as he pulls down her tighty-whities, which is a red flag for Jason. You know what happens next. This was Tiffany's first time onscreen, and she hasn't taken it off since. Don't be fooled by Sharlene Martin's brief nude scene; it's a body double, but it's still the closest she's gotten to skin in her less-than-carnal career. So much for the seen-tit-all Manhattanites; they send Jason off with a whimper, not a bang.
Jason aficionados know this box is not the complete run of the scary series. Paramount sold the franchise to New Line, which went on to produce three more movies in the sexy fright cycle. And while not collected in this box set, these films are filled with too many fine females to ignore. Mr. Skin would be neglecting his obligation to nudity not to provide this arousing addendum.
JASON GOES TO HELL: THE FINAL FRIDAY (1993)
If the title doesn't get your attention, then watch what happens to horror 'ho Michelle Clunie at the thirty-three-minute mark. Michelle proved booty-licious in her previous nude screen time as a stripper in Sunset Strip (1992) and gets equally skinny with her beau here for some outdoor loving. Only Jason didn't read the bumper sticker on the tent flap: "If this tent's a-rocking, then don't come knocking." Well, he doesn't actually knock. Just as a naked Michelle is reaching the Big O riding her camping companion, she gets a big ow when Jason impales her. No wonder she became a lesbian in the Showtime skin-series Queer as Folk, where her female lover is decidedly less aggressive in the sack. Anyway, she already had the les-be-friends bit down after a steamy topless make-out session in Erotique (1994). Other mam-worthy appearances are by Kathryn Atwood, who lets her little marshmallows warm by the fire at a roast, and Julie Michaels flashing some side-tit and ass. Julie also works as the stunt double for equally erotic actresses such as Pamela Anderson and Jaime Pressly. When she's in a film someone's going to get hurt, and it's likely to be your crotch.
JASON X (2001)
It's the tenth outing for this powerhouse, and the Roman numeral could use a couple extras X's to prepare the viewer for the skintopia to come. Only the skin is all of the cyber or skinthetic type. To explain: First Jason ends up in virtual reality, where first-time nudies Tania Maro and Kaye Penaflor play drunken teens out in the woods and out of their shirts teasing Jason, whose mighty machete chops don't harm the computer-generated cuties. Lisa Ryder is a cyborg that likes to show off her boobs and their detachable nipples. For another ride with Lisa, check out Blackheart (2001); she's not naked but locks lips in a hot lesbo scene with Maria Conchita Alonso. Non-nude but still sexy are Melissa Ade and Melody Johnson, who are pretty skingy in their careers. For instance, the closest Melody came to making Johnsons sing was in Jailbait! (2000) taming a wild bikini. Lexa Doig doesn't flaunt her stuff here, but she has gone on to do the Doig in The Tracker (2000) and No Alibi (2000). That bitch is fine.
FREDDY VS. JASON (2003)
It had to happen; two of terror's greatest titans together for the first time. And in this, the eleventh film in the series, the action starts off with the familiar nighttime skinny dip. Mr. Skin wouldn't have it any other way, especially since Odessa Munroe, the topless table-tennis tramp from Saving Silverman (2001), offers up the wet T&A. Odessa just keeps on giving, like when she flashes her plastic fantastic from the backseat of a speeding motorcycle in Final Destination 2 (2003). But she definitely saves the breast for this flick. You'll also be keen on Monica Keena, whose cleavage is almost as good as most women's naked chests. Sadly, Monica's never bared those big girls, though Freddy does his best to undress her with his bloodshot eyes in one scene. There's a nude debut from Laura Boddington, whose Boddington deserves closer inspection, and it appears that Katherine Isabelle is naked in the shower, but in fact it's body double Tammy Morris. In Freddy vs. Jason the winner is clear: the hairy-palmed viewer. Let's hope these two live to fright again.
