Deadly Family Secrets (1995) is a drama, a TV drama, which doesn’t bode well for the drama of nudity. Our favorite type of drama. But more on that later (we write moron). Anyway, Loni Anderson, who took away many a boy’s masturbation virginity, returns to her Texas home after 15 years and what do you think happens? Yeah, that’s right, she witnesses the murder of a man. What a homecoming. It gets worse. There killer may have a connection to her. It gets worser. There’s possibly a look at Loni’s bush in a fleeting scene. Worstest. It’s not her bush. Our conclusion: these family secrets are deadly to our boner.