Father of the Millenium Michael Lohan Pooh-Pooh’s Lindsay and Sam’s Rumored Nuptials

According to gossip blog I’m Not Obsessed, celebrity-by-parasitic-association Michael Lohan states that he would not be down with a muff-diving marriage between his daughter Lindsay Lohan and her potential groom-with-a-gash, Samantha Ronson.

Mighty Papa Michael invokes the Highest of Holy (and Anti-Hole-y) Authorities in pooh-poohing any such all-poon union by asserting:

"I haven't heard anything (about an upcoming nude lesbian wedding) from Lindsay, but if she was marrying Sam, I don't think she'd want me to walk her down the aisle. She knows about my (Christian) faith ... she just wouldn't ask."

Is it even remotely possible that Baby-Jesus-loving, media-prostituting Michael Lohan hasn’t already pitched the pay-per-view prospect of this Sapphic ceremony as a reality TV series?

Just think of the lusty love scenes in which ultra-femme meats ultra-butch, such as the one in the clip above from French Twist, featuring Victoria Abril and Josiane Balasko.

Christ-on-a-Clitoris, Mike -- there's gold in your daughter's girl-girl hills!