By Kent Nostrand
With March comes the promise of drunken Irishmen, the first hints of spring, and, (robin red) breast of all, new stacks of nude-heavy DVDs to carry you through from February's final chills to the first drops of April's showers.
MARCH 4, 2008
Automaton Transfusion: Unrated and Undead (2006)
STUDIO: Weinstein Co.
NUDE:Juliet Reeves (left breast) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: A trio of teenagers tumbles into a town overrun with legions of the stumbling undead and, rather than volunteer to become Zombie Chow, they fight back-hard, nastily, and with spectacularly splattery results. Such is the premise of Automaton Transfusion. During a break from all the cascading gore, flying limbs, and unraveling entrails, cheerleader hottie Juliet Reeves slips out of her uniform and gives a sweet peek at her left pompom. Sis-boob-bah!
Carver: Unrated Edition (2008)
STUDIO: Allumination
NUDE:Savannah Costello (FFN) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The non-stop, blood-sopped festival of carnage titled Carver claims, as many of the most enjoyably depraved horror movies do, to be based on a true story. If Carver is actually based in real-life events, that means that at some point, somewhere, a group of backpackers accepted work from a guy in a cabin, stumbled on a pile of film canisters, viewed the footage contained therein, and got freaked the fuck out when they discovered it was a stash of snuff movies. Believable? Perhaps. Does it make for a rip-roaring, stunningly gory festival of shocks? Absolutely. In addition to stupefyingly horrific kill scenes, scary-hot Savannah Costello gets naked and Kristyn Green gets sexy, making Carver a deep-impact hit on all manner of viewers' senses. Arising from the twenty-first-century school of savage fright fare on the order of the Saw and Hostel film franchises, Carver is a marvel of modest-budgeted filmmaking that produces maximum impact . . . and skin-pact.
En la cama (2005)
STUDIO: Koch Lorber Films
NUDE:Blanca Lewin (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Do you want to see En la cama? Wait, before you answer that question, let the hairy palms at Skin Central translate the title of this Chilean-German-produced comedy: In Bed. Now that we've got your attention there's no need to go into detail. The movie is shot entirely with handheld cameras and filmed exclusively in a single motel room. Less is definitely more in this case thanks to Blanca Lewin, who takes a bath-naked, of course-and reveals all there is to love about this dark-haired sexport. Some may rate this movie A-plus, but not Mr. Skin. It gets a 3-B in my book!
Experiment (2005)
STUDIO: MTI Home Video
NUDE:Molly Ewins (breasts) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The psychological thriller Experiment is the story of a man and a woman wandering a strange city with no idea who they are or how they got there, only to find out they are the subjects of a nightmarish game. This little experiment becomes really skinstructive when Molly Ewins breaks out her chest tubes. The results are in: Molly's Mams minus Boring Bra = Flawless Funbags! That's one Experiment that Mr. Skin would like to try again and again.
Human Desires (1997)
STUDIO: Koch International
NUDES:Shannon Tweed (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1), Peggy Trentini (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1), J.J. Mantia (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1), Dawn Ann Billings (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1), Lisa Nohea (FFN, breasts)
THE SKINNY: It's the Pajama Party of Death as fashionista Shannon Tweed hosts a get-together to launch a new clothing line in Human Desires. Aspiring spokesmodel Peggy Trentini follows up some muff diving with what looks to be a bad dive into a swimming pool. Dawn Ann Billings doesn't buy the official verdict of suicide-and who can blame her? She was the lucky gal enjoying Peggy's attention, which means the dead dame had at least two big reasons to keep living. Private eye Christian Noble gets on the case and joins us in getting a private eyeful of Peggy, Dawn Ann, J.J. Mantia, and Shannon herself.
Into the Wild (2007)
STUDIO: Paramount Home Video
NUDES:Signe Egholm Olsen (breasts) (Picture: 1), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: In Sean Penn's adaptation of Jon Krakauer's popular nonfiction book, richie rich Emile Hirsch gives up his friends and family (and family scratch) to venture Into the Wild in search of himself. Taking on the name "Alexander Supertramp," the post-grad hobo heads out in his beat-up car, then abandons it to thumb-and slum-around the nation. After adventuring around in the great outdoors, setting his greenbacks aflame in the desert, kayaking, working in a grain mill, and kicking it with a whole host of kooky characters, Emile decides to do some mettle-testing in Alaska. Meanwhile, sis Jena Malone joins ma Marcia Gay Harden and pa William Hurt in being awful hurt by Emile's unannounced vision quest, and their own mettle is put to the test the longer he's gone. Critics loved Eddie Vedder's evocative score, especially the award-winning song "Guaranteed." Mr. Skin doesn't think Eddie is sexy, though. Sorry.
Pistol Whipped (2008)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDE:Fast Ali (breasts) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The action flick Pistol Whipped stars Steven Seagal as Matt, a disgraced former cop who is trying to clear his gambling debts by working as an underworld enforcer. Meanwhile, Matt becomes romantically involved with a woman named Drea (Renee Goldsberry) and tries to give up the bottle for his young daughter Kate. Check out the fullness of Fast Ali's funbags as she rides an older Asian man in bed before a gun-toting Seagal's entrance makes her put her top back on. Not so fast, Ali!
Things We Lost in the Fire (2007)
STUDIO: Paramount Home Video
NUDE:Halle Berry (butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Remember when Halle Berry was skingy? Thank God she gave up that career suicide. She's been showing off her berries since Introducing Dorothy Dandridge (1999) (Picture:1) and most recently in Gothika (2003), which was actually the work of a body double. That disturbing news plays into Things We Lost in the Fire, where Halle plays a recent widow who invites her husband's troubled best friend Jerry (Benicio Del Toro) to live with her and her two kids. This acclaimed character study charts rough emotional territory but ends up a feel-good movie-especially when Halle adjusts her bikini bottoms and we get a flash of magnificent ass crack. That's one dirt road Mr. Skin would like to go down-Berry much!
MARCH 11, 2008
Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation (2008)
STUDIO: 20th Century Fox
NUDES:Paula LaBaredas (breasts), Arianna Coltellacci (breasts) (Picture: 1), Erika Smith (breasts), Claudia Costa (breasts) (Picture: ), Diana Vilskaya (breasts), Mariann Gavelo (breasts), Dena Carman (breasts), Ashley Totin (breasts), La Trice Perry (breasts) (Picture: 1), Jennifer Steele (breasts) (Picture: ), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Rare is the film that spawns its first sequel twenty-four years later, but the Tom Hanks-Tawny Kitaen-Adrian Zmed rip-roarer Bachelor Party (1984) is just that kind of cultural phenomenon. That's what brings us to Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation, which is not a continuation of the original story but plays like a twenty-first-century re-imagining, and it unquestionably beats its predecessor on one key count: there are nearly three times as many nude women on screen. Our regular-Joe potential-groom hero is played by Josh Cooke, while his upper-crust spouse-to-be is embodied by fantastically sexy Sara Foster (The Big Bounce). Raunchy revelers include Greg Pitts, Harland Williams, and Danny Jacobs. Watch for topless golf caddies, a cameo by Audrey Landers as the mother of the bride, and a funny subplot involving Hitler's granddaughter Eva (Emmanuelle Vaugier). A non-stop onslaught of knockouts bare their topless Bachelor Party twosomes.
Bobby Deerfield (1977)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDE:Marthe Keller (breasts) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY:Sydney Pollack's car-racing drama Bobby Deerfield stars Al Pacino as an American Formula One driver competing in Europe. The high-octane hero falls in love (hard) with a mysterious, terminally ill socialite ('70s chanteuse Marthe Keller). This movie, based on a novel by All Quiet on the Western Front author Erich Maria Remarque, features racing action with real-life drivers like Mario Andretti, as well as the prominent and pointy-tipped hood ornaments of Marthe Keller. With Ms. Keller's fantastically luminous headlights, this miracle worker can see in the dark!
Hitman: Unrated (2007)
STUDIO: 20th Century Fox
NUDE:Olga Kurylenko (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Based on a popular video-game series of the same name, Hitman stars Timothy Olyphant as Agent 47, the genetically engineered hitster with a barcode tattoo inked on the back of his bald bean. As graceful as he is lethal, Agent Tim takes pride in his life-taking work at the behest of "The Organization," a mysterious outfit that raises cast-off kiddoes to be killers for hire. Interpol po-po Dougray Scott is always tailing his behind, but he's always just a little too slow to 86 47. Things are about to change, though-Tim's been set up! A Russian job has left him on the run, retracing his steps, combing through clues, and trying to put together an escape plan. Into this mess slinks a sexy minx by the name of Olga Kurylenko. She's a sex slave at the mercy of Tim's newest enemies, but will she make Tim a slave to her heart? Ogle Olga's ayoooga bazooms and beauteous butt and just try to answer "No." 47's new squeeze is a perfect 10!
Sisters (2006)
STUDIO: Image Entertainment
NUDES:Chlo?evigny (breasts) (Picture: 1), Lou Doillon (breasts, butt)
THE SKINNY: In Sisters, a reworking of Brian De Palma's 1973 movie of the same name, Chlo?evigny stars as a journalist whose investigation into a controversial noggin doctor leads her to a spooky secret about a pair of siblings. Chlo? subject is Stephen Rea, a psychiatrist who seems to be embroiled in an unethical relationship with disturbed patient Lou Doillon. In fact, he keeps her completely under his control! But that's just the beginning-the more she digs, the more Chlo?nderstands the depths of depravity surrounding this doc. Soon she's unearthed a conspiracy chockfull of meaty morsels like human experimentation, strange operations, and, or course, murder. Soon Chlo? not feeling very right in the head herself . . . but she's still got the wherewithal to bear her sweater sisters for all the adoring fans of Chlo?ans.
Summer Palace (2006)
STUDIO: Palm Pictures
NUDES:Ling Hu (breasts, bush) (Picture: 1), Lei Hao (FFN butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The Chinese drama Summer Palace serves up a heady brew of sexuality and skinternational politics. Yu Hong (Lei Hao) is a village girl living in Beijing who strikes up a complicated romance with fellow student Zhou Wei (Xiaodong Guo) in the midst of the political unrest of the 1980s. Zhou leaves China for Berlin, where he witnesses the end of communism and returns home to reunite with Yu in the small town where she now lives. Amidst all this sweeping political drama, it's all too easy to lose sight of the true political prisoners: the cans and cantaloupes of the constrictively clothed Chinese women.
Wrestlemaniac (2006)
STUDIO: Anchor Bay
NUDES:Margaret Scarborough (breasts) (Picture: 1), Catherine Wreford (left breast, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The cast and crew of a low-budget flick get lost on their way to Cabo San Lucas and find themselves the victims of a mad matman in Wrestlemaniac. This unlucky bunch has the bad sense to get lost near La Sangre De Dios, a Mexican ghost town that's rumored to be the haunting grounds of an insane wrestler with a taste for blood. The crew's guru, director Adam Huss, takes a shine to the grime and grit of the place and decides that spooky La Sangre De Dios is el perfecto shooting location. But when they're all set to roll and Adam calls "Action," monstro matster "El Mascarado" (The Masked Man) takes it as an order! He's Rey Misterio Sr., and he's about to kidnap cast and crew alike and then put them down for a nice dirtnap. Can those left standing figure out a way to pin crazy Rey for good?
MARCH 18, 2008
G.I. Jesus (2006)
STUDIO: Westlake Entertainment
NUDE:Patricia Mota (butt, bush) (Picture: 1), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY:Joe Arquette plays Jesus Feliciano, a.k.a. G.I. Jesus , a Mexican national who enlists in the U.S. army to secure north-of-the-border citizenship. After a stint fighting in Iraq, Jesus returns home all kinds of rattled and begins to believe that his family's lives are in danger. Despite (or because of) the heavy subject matter, G.I. Jesus is a satire played for dark laughs, except for when co-star Patricia Mota bares her butt. That level of heat is serious. G.I. Jesus will get you to rise again.
Lake Dead (2007)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDE:Malea Richardson (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The fright flick Lake Dead follows a group of sisters who, accompanied by a gaggle of their hot-to-trot girlfriends, goes to their recently deceased grandfather's creepy old cabin to hear his will, only to find it overrun by a gang of murderous psychos. Sexy brunette Malea Richardson brings her chest canoes to this lake trip and isn't afraid to whip them out when she's on the business end of a backwoods boning. When it comes to lusty ladies, Lake Dead is a live one.
The Lost (2005)
STUDIO: Anchor Bay
NUDES:Misty Mundae (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1), Ruby Larocca (breasts), Shay Astar (breasts) (Picture: 1), Robin Sydney (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY:The Lost tells the sadistic story of psycho thrill killer Ray Pye (Marc Senter), who has already gotten away with two brutal murders and is now stalking a young woman (Megan Henning). Megan happens to be the girlfriend of one of the cops who suspected Ray but was never able to prove his guilt in the earlier murders. Seductive scream queen Robin Sydney plays Ray's partner in crime, Katherine Wallace. Don't accuse us of robin the cradle if we want to see Ms. Sydney's privates made public!
Love in the Time of Cholera (2007)
STUDIO: New Line
NUDES:Marcela Mar (breasts) (Picture: 1), Giovanna Mezzogiorno (breasts) (Picture: ), Laura Harring (breasts) (Picture: 1), Ana Claudia Talanc?a (breasts) (Picture:1)
THE SKINNY: Based on the beloved Gabriel Garcia M?uez's novel, Love in the Time of Cholera tells the story of a man who waits fifty years for his true love. He's Unax Ugalde, a poesy-scribbling telegraph monkey who spots Giovanna Mezzogiorno through a window while out making his rounds. Immediately smitten, he begins kiting off passionate letters to the young beauty, and eventually a few of them get through to her heart. Ma Fernanda Montenegro is cool with their coupling, but daddy John Leguizamo is furious over their affections and vows to put the brakes on the relationship no matter what it takes. Years pass, leaving the love-struck lad still yearning and Giovanna coming down with a burning case of cholera. In fact, cholera mania is sweeping the whole town! Doc Benjamin Bratt comes to Gio's rescue, sweeping her off her feet while her poor former suitor-now played by Javier Bardem-can only wait and hope for her to come to her senses. Five decades pass as Javier amasses some moolah, scores some hoo-hoo, and waits and waits (and waits and waits).
Nightmare Man (2006)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES:Tiffany Shepis (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1), Blythe Metz (breasts, butt)
THE SKINNY: The voodoo-themed fright flick Nightmare Man stars Blythe Metz as Ellen, a young wife who uses an ancient tribal fertility mask to try to spice up her sex life with her husband. But using the mask has released a demonic force that chases Ellen out into the woods, where she leads the evil of the mask to a cabin in which Tiffany Shepis and a group of her friends are partying. Check out Blythe's butt in a shower scene three minutes into the movie. Nightmare Man will put a voodoo doll in your pants.
Revolver (2005)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDES: Uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Recently sprung Jason Statham is out for revenge-as all recently sprung movie baddies must be-in Guy Ritchie's Revolver. He's spent seven years studying at the feet of the chessmaster con man who had the cell next door, and now it's time to serve up some vengeance in a most stylish, Ritchie-rich way. His target is Ray Liotta, the crime-boss casino owner who killed his sister-in-law and sent him up the river, and his first step is to totally humiliate Ray on his own turf. Having shown Ray who's who at his own casino, Jason naturally finds himself the subject of a murder plot. But he's saved from Ray's thugs by Andre Benjamin and Vincent Pastore, a pair of underworlders with big plans of their own. Can he trust these two, or are they also bad news? Growing ever greedier to get his revenge on Ray, Jason might also be going insane.
Southland Tales (2006)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDE:Bai Ling (right breast) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Director Richard Kelly of Donnie Darko (2001) fame is back with his second effort, Southland Tales, a dystopic potpourri of politics, comedy, drama, and apocalyptic despair. It's election season 2008, and the world is still wrecked from a nuclear attack that took out part of Texas and put everybody into a police-state state of mind. The government's got its grubby hand in everything under the sun, and the German firm that's uncovered a way to turn seawater into fuel is getting strongarmed by the long arm of the law and its peeps in the private sector who want to keep everybody scrambling for scratch to buy gas. Amidst all this mess, amnesiac movie star Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson tries to figure out why fiction and reality keep colliding, cop Seann William Scott tries to figure out how his identity has suddenly split in half, Iraq War vet Justin Timberlake is trying to narrate all this nuttery, and porn star Sarah Michelle Gellar is looking hellar good as she recreates herself as a talking head on the boob tube.
MARCH 25, 2008
The Haunting of Rebecca Verlaine (2003)
STUDIO: MTI Home Video
NUDE:Andrea Losleben (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The title character in the German scare-fest The Haunting of Rebecca Verlaine is played by Anika Julien. She's the sole survivor of a Christmas Eve bloodbath that wiped out the rest of her family when she was very young and opens the movie with an amazing onslaught of gore. Years later, Rebecca is curious as to how she came to be adopted by an aunt and uncle, and the ghost of her murdered father materializes to supply some answers. Our heroine is then plagued by increasingly violent visions until, finally, her mind can stand no more and, once again, it's time to get ready for a plasma party. Adding flesh to the blood is Andrea Losleben, who opens the movie with a TA flash.
Naked and Lustful (1975)
STUDIO: Halo Park
NUDES:Willeke van Ammelrooy (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1), Beba Loncar
THE SKINNY:Jean-Marie Pallardy directs and stars in Naked and Lustful, the story of a man who tracks down and begins an affair with the anonymous surrogate (Willeke van Ammelrooy) who is carrying his child. Willeke or won't he? You know he will! Though this one's called La Donneuse ("The Donor") in French, the UK title sums up our philosophy at Mr. Skin perfectly. We're lustful, they're naked, and everyone's happy.
Pineapple (2006)
STUDIO: Maverick Entertainment Group
NUDES:Eliza Swenson (breasts), Gabriela Ostos-Tamez (right breast), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY:Pineapple stars Steven Chester Prince as a man with a problem or two. His cuckoldy missus has filed for divorce and custody of their daughter, so he's got nothing to do but seesaw between sobriety and addiction, clutching his stripper girlfriend like a life raft. The closer they get, the more she drags him into the wild world of total drug addiction and sexual pleasure-gettin', leaving Steven battling demon after demon after demon. It's not all bad to be sinking into the underworld, though-Eliza Swenson bares her bouncy buoys, Gabriela Ostos-Tamez shows her right jombler, and a whole host of unnamed strippers bare butts and nippers.
Serenades (2001)
STUDIO: BFS Entertainment
NUDES:Franchesca Cubillo (breasts)
THE SKINNY: The 2001 drama Serenades stars Alice Haines as Jila, the dark-skinned, green-eyed illegitimate daughter of an Aboriginal mother and an Afghani father born in central Australia. Forever trapped between two worlds, she falls in love with a European (Aden Young). Alice doesn't show any skin, but Franchesca Cubillo, as the aptly named Wanga, will make you want to wank-a!
The Sister of Ursula (1978)
STUDIO: Severin-Films.com
NUDES:Barbara Magnolfi (right breast), Stefania D'Amario (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1), Antiniska Nemour (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1), Anna Zinnemann (breasts, bush) (Picture: 1), Yvonne Harlow (breasts, butt, bush) (Picture: 1), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: In the deliciously sordid sexploitation film The Sister of Ursula, a pair of beautiful sisters settles in for a lovely vacation by the seaside but finds their holiday interrupted by a psychopathic killer. Barbara Magnolfi and Stefania D'Amario play vacationing beauties who grow alarmed when a number of their fellow guests turn up dead. Director Enzo Milioni gets right at the sexual subtext by changing the murder weapon from a knife into a giant dildo. Magnolfi and D'Amario do their best to avoid laceration, but they give the killer plenty to aim for in copious scenes in which they shed their threads for some irresistible pillow talk.
Wristcutters: A Love Story (2006)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDE:Bridget "The Midget" Powers (breasts) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The twisted comedy Wristcutters: A Love Story takes place in an afterlife for suicides that is a slightly more dismal version of their lives on earth. Patrick Fugit plays a young man who learns that his ex-girlfriend has also killed herself and hits the road to search for her. Along the way he meets and befriends punk rocker Eugene (Shea Whigham), confused hitchhiker Mikal (Shannyn Sossamon), and an undercover angel (Tom Waits). Filling out the cast of characters is pint-sized porno princess Bridget Powers, who shows off the pierced nipples on her tiny towers.
With March comes the promise of drunken Irishmen, the first hints of spring, and, (robin red) breast of all, new stacks of nude-heavy DVDs to carry you through from February's final chills to the first drops of April's showers.
MARCH 4, 2008
Automaton Transfusion: Unrated and Undead (2006)
STUDIO: Weinstein Co.
NUDE:Juliet Reeves (left breast) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: A trio of teenagers tumbles into a town overrun with legions of the stumbling undead and, rather than volunteer to become Zombie Chow, they fight back-hard, nastily, and with spectacularly splattery results. Such is the premise of Automaton Transfusion. During a break from all the cascading gore, flying limbs, and unraveling entrails, cheerleader hottie Juliet Reeves slips out of her uniform and gives a sweet peek at her left pompom. Sis-boob-bah!
Carver: Unrated Edition (2008)
STUDIO: Allumination
NUDE:Savannah Costello (FFN) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The non-stop, blood-sopped festival of carnage titled Carver claims, as many of the most enjoyably depraved horror movies do, to be based on a true story. If Carver is actually based in real-life events, that means that at some point, somewhere, a group of backpackers accepted work from a guy in a cabin, stumbled on a pile of film canisters, viewed the footage contained therein, and got freaked the fuck out when they discovered it was a stash of snuff movies. Believable? Perhaps. Does it make for a rip-roaring, stunningly gory festival of shocks? Absolutely. In addition to stupefyingly horrific kill scenes, scary-hot Savannah Costello gets naked and Kristyn Green gets sexy, making Carver a deep-impact hit on all manner of viewers' senses. Arising from the twenty-first-century school of savage fright fare on the order of the Saw and Hostel film franchises, Carver is a marvel of modest-budgeted filmmaking that produces maximum impact . . . and skin-pact.
En la cama (2005)
STUDIO: Koch Lorber Films
NUDE:Blanca Lewin (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Do you want to see En la cama? Wait, before you answer that question, let the hairy palms at Skin Central translate the title of this Chilean-German-produced comedy: In Bed. Now that we've got your attention there's no need to go into detail. The movie is shot entirely with handheld cameras and filmed exclusively in a single motel room. Less is definitely more in this case thanks to Blanca Lewin, who takes a bath-naked, of course-and reveals all there is to love about this dark-haired sexport. Some may rate this movie A-plus, but not Mr. Skin. It gets a 3-B in my book!
Experiment (2005)
STUDIO: MTI Home Video
NUDE:Molly Ewins (breasts) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The psychological thriller Experiment is the story of a man and a woman wandering a strange city with no idea who they are or how they got there, only to find out they are the subjects of a nightmarish game. This little experiment becomes really skinstructive when Molly Ewins breaks out her chest tubes. The results are in: Molly's Mams minus Boring Bra = Flawless Funbags! That's one Experiment that Mr. Skin would like to try again and again.
Human Desires (1997)
STUDIO: Koch International
NUDES:Shannon Tweed (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1), Peggy Trentini (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1), J.J. Mantia (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1), Dawn Ann Billings (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1), Lisa Nohea (FFN, breasts)
THE SKINNY: It's the Pajama Party of Death as fashionista Shannon Tweed hosts a get-together to launch a new clothing line in Human Desires. Aspiring spokesmodel Peggy Trentini follows up some muff diving with what looks to be a bad dive into a swimming pool. Dawn Ann Billings doesn't buy the official verdict of suicide-and who can blame her? She was the lucky gal enjoying Peggy's attention, which means the dead dame had at least two big reasons to keep living. Private eye Christian Noble gets on the case and joins us in getting a private eyeful of Peggy, Dawn Ann, J.J. Mantia, and Shannon herself.
Into the Wild (2007)
STUDIO: Paramount Home Video
NUDES:Signe Egholm Olsen (breasts) (Picture: 1), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: In Sean Penn's adaptation of Jon Krakauer's popular nonfiction book, richie rich Emile Hirsch gives up his friends and family (and family scratch) to venture Into the Wild in search of himself. Taking on the name "Alexander Supertramp," the post-grad hobo heads out in his beat-up car, then abandons it to thumb-and slum-around the nation. After adventuring around in the great outdoors, setting his greenbacks aflame in the desert, kayaking, working in a grain mill, and kicking it with a whole host of kooky characters, Emile decides to do some mettle-testing in Alaska. Meanwhile, sis Jena Malone joins ma Marcia Gay Harden and pa William Hurt in being awful hurt by Emile's unannounced vision quest, and their own mettle is put to the test the longer he's gone. Critics loved Eddie Vedder's evocative score, especially the award-winning song "Guaranteed." Mr. Skin doesn't think Eddie is sexy, though. Sorry.
Pistol Whipped (2008)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDE:Fast Ali (breasts) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The action flick Pistol Whipped stars Steven Seagal as Matt, a disgraced former cop who is trying to clear his gambling debts by working as an underworld enforcer. Meanwhile, Matt becomes romantically involved with a woman named Drea (Renee Goldsberry) and tries to give up the bottle for his young daughter Kate. Check out the fullness of Fast Ali's funbags as she rides an older Asian man in bed before a gun-toting Seagal's entrance makes her put her top back on. Not so fast, Ali!
Things We Lost in the Fire (2007)
STUDIO: Paramount Home Video
NUDE:Halle Berry (butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Remember when Halle Berry was skingy? Thank God she gave up that career suicide. She's been showing off her berries since Introducing Dorothy Dandridge (1999) (Picture:1) and most recently in Gothika (2003), which was actually the work of a body double. That disturbing news plays into Things We Lost in the Fire, where Halle plays a recent widow who invites her husband's troubled best friend Jerry (Benicio Del Toro) to live with her and her two kids. This acclaimed character study charts rough emotional territory but ends up a feel-good movie-especially when Halle adjusts her bikini bottoms and we get a flash of magnificent ass crack. That's one dirt road Mr. Skin would like to go down-Berry much!
MARCH 11, 2008
Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation (2008)
STUDIO: 20th Century Fox
NUDES:Paula LaBaredas (breasts), Arianna Coltellacci (breasts) (Picture: 1), Erika Smith (breasts), Claudia Costa (breasts) (Picture: ), Diana Vilskaya (breasts), Mariann Gavelo (breasts), Dena Carman (breasts), Ashley Totin (breasts), La Trice Perry (breasts) (Picture: 1), Jennifer Steele (breasts) (Picture: ), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Rare is the film that spawns its first sequel twenty-four years later, but the Tom Hanks-Tawny Kitaen-Adrian Zmed rip-roarer Bachelor Party (1984) is just that kind of cultural phenomenon. That's what brings us to Bachelor Party 2: The Last Temptation, which is not a continuation of the original story but plays like a twenty-first-century re-imagining, and it unquestionably beats its predecessor on one key count: there are nearly three times as many nude women on screen. Our regular-Joe potential-groom hero is played by Josh Cooke, while his upper-crust spouse-to-be is embodied by fantastically sexy Sara Foster (The Big Bounce). Raunchy revelers include Greg Pitts, Harland Williams, and Danny Jacobs. Watch for topless golf caddies, a cameo by Audrey Landers as the mother of the bride, and a funny subplot involving Hitler's granddaughter Eva (Emmanuelle Vaugier). A non-stop onslaught of knockouts bare their topless Bachelor Party twosomes.
Bobby Deerfield (1977)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDE:Marthe Keller (breasts) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY:Sydney Pollack's car-racing drama Bobby Deerfield stars Al Pacino as an American Formula One driver competing in Europe. The high-octane hero falls in love (hard) with a mysterious, terminally ill socialite ('70s chanteuse Marthe Keller). This movie, based on a novel by All Quiet on the Western Front author Erich Maria Remarque, features racing action with real-life drivers like Mario Andretti, as well as the prominent and pointy-tipped hood ornaments of Marthe Keller. With Ms. Keller's fantastically luminous headlights, this miracle worker can see in the dark!
Hitman: Unrated (2007)
STUDIO: 20th Century Fox
NUDE:Olga Kurylenko (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Based on a popular video-game series of the same name, Hitman stars Timothy Olyphant as Agent 47, the genetically engineered hitster with a barcode tattoo inked on the back of his bald bean. As graceful as he is lethal, Agent Tim takes pride in his life-taking work at the behest of "The Organization," a mysterious outfit that raises cast-off kiddoes to be killers for hire. Interpol po-po Dougray Scott is always tailing his behind, but he's always just a little too slow to 86 47. Things are about to change, though-Tim's been set up! A Russian job has left him on the run, retracing his steps, combing through clues, and trying to put together an escape plan. Into this mess slinks a sexy minx by the name of Olga Kurylenko. She's a sex slave at the mercy of Tim's newest enemies, but will she make Tim a slave to her heart? Ogle Olga's ayoooga bazooms and beauteous butt and just try to answer "No." 47's new squeeze is a perfect 10!
Sisters (2006)
STUDIO: Image Entertainment
NUDES:Chlo?evigny (breasts) (Picture: 1), Lou Doillon (breasts, butt)
THE SKINNY: In Sisters, a reworking of Brian De Palma's 1973 movie of the same name, Chlo?evigny stars as a journalist whose investigation into a controversial noggin doctor leads her to a spooky secret about a pair of siblings. Chlo? subject is Stephen Rea, a psychiatrist who seems to be embroiled in an unethical relationship with disturbed patient Lou Doillon. In fact, he keeps her completely under his control! But that's just the beginning-the more she digs, the more Chlo?nderstands the depths of depravity surrounding this doc. Soon she's unearthed a conspiracy chockfull of meaty morsels like human experimentation, strange operations, and, or course, murder. Soon Chlo? not feeling very right in the head herself . . . but she's still got the wherewithal to bear her sweater sisters for all the adoring fans of Chlo?ans.
Summer Palace (2006)
STUDIO: Palm Pictures
NUDES:Ling Hu (breasts, bush) (Picture: 1), Lei Hao (FFN butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The Chinese drama Summer Palace serves up a heady brew of sexuality and skinternational politics. Yu Hong (Lei Hao) is a village girl living in Beijing who strikes up a complicated romance with fellow student Zhou Wei (Xiaodong Guo) in the midst of the political unrest of the 1980s. Zhou leaves China for Berlin, where he witnesses the end of communism and returns home to reunite with Yu in the small town where she now lives. Amidst all this sweeping political drama, it's all too easy to lose sight of the true political prisoners: the cans and cantaloupes of the constrictively clothed Chinese women.
Wrestlemaniac (2006)
STUDIO: Anchor Bay
NUDES:Margaret Scarborough (breasts) (Picture: 1), Catherine Wreford (left breast, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The cast and crew of a low-budget flick get lost on their way to Cabo San Lucas and find themselves the victims of a mad matman in Wrestlemaniac. This unlucky bunch has the bad sense to get lost near La Sangre De Dios, a Mexican ghost town that's rumored to be the haunting grounds of an insane wrestler with a taste for blood. The crew's guru, director Adam Huss, takes a shine to the grime and grit of the place and decides that spooky La Sangre De Dios is el perfecto shooting location. But when they're all set to roll and Adam calls "Action," monstro matster "El Mascarado" (The Masked Man) takes it as an order! He's Rey Misterio Sr., and he's about to kidnap cast and crew alike and then put them down for a nice dirtnap. Can those left standing figure out a way to pin crazy Rey for good?
MARCH 18, 2008
G.I. Jesus (2006)
STUDIO: Westlake Entertainment
NUDE:Patricia Mota (butt, bush) (Picture: 1), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY:Joe Arquette plays Jesus Feliciano, a.k.a. G.I. Jesus , a Mexican national who enlists in the U.S. army to secure north-of-the-border citizenship. After a stint fighting in Iraq, Jesus returns home all kinds of rattled and begins to believe that his family's lives are in danger. Despite (or because of) the heavy subject matter, G.I. Jesus is a satire played for dark laughs, except for when co-star Patricia Mota bares her butt. That level of heat is serious. G.I. Jesus will get you to rise again.
Lake Dead (2007)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDE:Malea Richardson (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The fright flick Lake Dead follows a group of sisters who, accompanied by a gaggle of their hot-to-trot girlfriends, goes to their recently deceased grandfather's creepy old cabin to hear his will, only to find it overrun by a gang of murderous psychos. Sexy brunette Malea Richardson brings her chest canoes to this lake trip and isn't afraid to whip them out when she's on the business end of a backwoods boning. When it comes to lusty ladies, Lake Dead is a live one.
The Lost (2005)
STUDIO: Anchor Bay
NUDES:Misty Mundae (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1), Ruby Larocca (breasts), Shay Astar (breasts) (Picture: 1), Robin Sydney (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY:The Lost tells the sadistic story of psycho thrill killer Ray Pye (Marc Senter), who has already gotten away with two brutal murders and is now stalking a young woman (Megan Henning). Megan happens to be the girlfriend of one of the cops who suspected Ray but was never able to prove his guilt in the earlier murders. Seductive scream queen Robin Sydney plays Ray's partner in crime, Katherine Wallace. Don't accuse us of robin the cradle if we want to see Ms. Sydney's privates made public!
Love in the Time of Cholera (2007)
STUDIO: New Line
NUDES:Marcela Mar (breasts) (Picture: 1), Giovanna Mezzogiorno (breasts) (Picture: ), Laura Harring (breasts) (Picture: 1), Ana Claudia Talanc?a (breasts) (Picture:1)
THE SKINNY: Based on the beloved Gabriel Garcia M?uez's novel, Love in the Time of Cholera tells the story of a man who waits fifty years for his true love. He's Unax Ugalde, a poesy-scribbling telegraph monkey who spots Giovanna Mezzogiorno through a window while out making his rounds. Immediately smitten, he begins kiting off passionate letters to the young beauty, and eventually a few of them get through to her heart. Ma Fernanda Montenegro is cool with their coupling, but daddy John Leguizamo is furious over their affections and vows to put the brakes on the relationship no matter what it takes. Years pass, leaving the love-struck lad still yearning and Giovanna coming down with a burning case of cholera. In fact, cholera mania is sweeping the whole town! Doc Benjamin Bratt comes to Gio's rescue, sweeping her off her feet while her poor former suitor-now played by Javier Bardem-can only wait and hope for her to come to her senses. Five decades pass as Javier amasses some moolah, scores some hoo-hoo, and waits and waits (and waits and waits).
Nightmare Man (2006)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES:Tiffany Shepis (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1), Blythe Metz (breasts, butt)
THE SKINNY: The voodoo-themed fright flick Nightmare Man stars Blythe Metz as Ellen, a young wife who uses an ancient tribal fertility mask to try to spice up her sex life with her husband. But using the mask has released a demonic force that chases Ellen out into the woods, where she leads the evil of the mask to a cabin in which Tiffany Shepis and a group of her friends are partying. Check out Blythe's butt in a shower scene three minutes into the movie. Nightmare Man will put a voodoo doll in your pants.
Revolver (2005)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDES: Uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: Recently sprung Jason Statham is out for revenge-as all recently sprung movie baddies must be-in Guy Ritchie's Revolver. He's spent seven years studying at the feet of the chessmaster con man who had the cell next door, and now it's time to serve up some vengeance in a most stylish, Ritchie-rich way. His target is Ray Liotta, the crime-boss casino owner who killed his sister-in-law and sent him up the river, and his first step is to totally humiliate Ray on his own turf. Having shown Ray who's who at his own casino, Jason naturally finds himself the subject of a murder plot. But he's saved from Ray's thugs by Andre Benjamin and Vincent Pastore, a pair of underworlders with big plans of their own. Can he trust these two, or are they also bad news? Growing ever greedier to get his revenge on Ray, Jason might also be going insane.
Southland Tales (2006)
STUDIO: Sony
NUDE:Bai Ling (right breast) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: Director Richard Kelly of Donnie Darko (2001) fame is back with his second effort, Southland Tales, a dystopic potpourri of politics, comedy, drama, and apocalyptic despair. It's election season 2008, and the world is still wrecked from a nuclear attack that took out part of Texas and put everybody into a police-state state of mind. The government's got its grubby hand in everything under the sun, and the German firm that's uncovered a way to turn seawater into fuel is getting strongarmed by the long arm of the law and its peeps in the private sector who want to keep everybody scrambling for scratch to buy gas. Amidst all this mess, amnesiac movie star Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson tries to figure out why fiction and reality keep colliding, cop Seann William Scott tries to figure out how his identity has suddenly split in half, Iraq War vet Justin Timberlake is trying to narrate all this nuttery, and porn star Sarah Michelle Gellar is looking hellar good as she recreates herself as a talking head on the boob tube.
MARCH 25, 2008
The Haunting of Rebecca Verlaine (2003)
STUDIO: MTI Home Video
NUDE:Andrea Losleben (breasts, butt) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The title character in the German scare-fest The Haunting of Rebecca Verlaine is played by Anika Julien. She's the sole survivor of a Christmas Eve bloodbath that wiped out the rest of her family when she was very young and opens the movie with an amazing onslaught of gore. Years later, Rebecca is curious as to how she came to be adopted by an aunt and uncle, and the ghost of her murdered father materializes to supply some answers. Our heroine is then plagued by increasingly violent visions until, finally, her mind can stand no more and, once again, it's time to get ready for a plasma party. Adding flesh to the blood is Andrea Losleben, who opens the movie with a TA flash.
Naked and Lustful (1975)
STUDIO: Halo Park
NUDES:Willeke van Ammelrooy (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1), Beba Loncar
THE SKINNY:Jean-Marie Pallardy directs and stars in Naked and Lustful, the story of a man who tracks down and begins an affair with the anonymous surrogate (Willeke van Ammelrooy) who is carrying his child. Willeke or won't he? You know he will! Though this one's called La Donneuse ("The Donor") in French, the UK title sums up our philosophy at Mr. Skin perfectly. We're lustful, they're naked, and everyone's happy.
Pineapple (2006)
STUDIO: Maverick Entertainment Group
NUDES:Eliza Swenson (breasts), Gabriela Ostos-Tamez (right breast), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY:Pineapple stars Steven Chester Prince as a man with a problem or two. His cuckoldy missus has filed for divorce and custody of their daughter, so he's got nothing to do but seesaw between sobriety and addiction, clutching his stripper girlfriend like a life raft. The closer they get, the more she drags him into the wild world of total drug addiction and sexual pleasure-gettin', leaving Steven battling demon after demon after demon. It's not all bad to be sinking into the underworld, though-Eliza Swenson bares her bouncy buoys, Gabriela Ostos-Tamez shows her right jombler, and a whole host of unnamed strippers bare butts and nippers.
Serenades (2001)
STUDIO: BFS Entertainment
NUDES:Franchesca Cubillo (breasts)
THE SKINNY: The 2001 drama Serenades stars Alice Haines as Jila, the dark-skinned, green-eyed illegitimate daughter of an Aboriginal mother and an Afghani father born in central Australia. Forever trapped between two worlds, she falls in love with a European (Aden Young). Alice doesn't show any skin, but Franchesca Cubillo, as the aptly named Wanga, will make you want to wank-a!
The Sister of Ursula (1978)
STUDIO: Severin-Films.com
NUDES:Barbara Magnolfi (right breast), Stefania D'Amario (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1), Antiniska Nemour (FFN, butt) (Picture: 1), Anna Zinnemann (breasts, bush) (Picture: 1), Yvonne Harlow (breasts, butt, bush) (Picture: 1), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: In the deliciously sordid sexploitation film The Sister of Ursula, a pair of beautiful sisters settles in for a lovely vacation by the seaside but finds their holiday interrupted by a psychopathic killer. Barbara Magnolfi and Stefania D'Amario play vacationing beauties who grow alarmed when a number of their fellow guests turn up dead. Director Enzo Milioni gets right at the sexual subtext by changing the murder weapon from a knife into a giant dildo. Magnolfi and D'Amario do their best to avoid laceration, but they give the killer plenty to aim for in copious scenes in which they shed their threads for some irresistible pillow talk.
Wristcutters: A Love Story (2006)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDE:Bridget "The Midget" Powers (breasts) (Picture: 1)
THE SKINNY: The twisted comedy Wristcutters: A Love Story takes place in an afterlife for suicides that is a slightly more dismal version of their lives on earth. Patrick Fugit plays a young man who learns that his ex-girlfriend has also killed herself and hits the road to search for her. Along the way he meets and befriends punk rocker Eugene (Shea Whigham), confused hitchhiker Mikal (Shannyn Sossamon), and an undercover angel (Tom Waits). Filling out the cast of characters is pint-sized porno princess Bridget Powers, who shows off the pierced nipples on her tiny towers.
