By Mike McPaddenSo Santa's come and gone and why should that jolly old elf be the only one?
Now that you've unstuffed your stockings, here's a guide to stroke-worthy new arrivals on DVD that you can pick up with your bounty in exchanged-goods credit.
Happy Nude Year to all and to all a wood night!
*
DECEMBER 19, 2006
AMERICAN PIE PRESENTS: THE NAKED MILE (2006)
STUDIO: Universal Home Video
NUDES: Candace Kroslak (Picture: 1 - 2) (breasts, butt), Alyssa Nicole Pallett (breasts), Angel Lewis (Picture: 1) (breasts, butt), Jaclyn A. Smith (Picture: 1) (breasts, butt), Michelle Cormier (Picture: 1) (breasts), Stephany Sexton (Picture: 1) (breasts), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: The second direct-to-DVD American Pie sequel of the past twelve months goes above and beyond any previous entries in the series in terms of outrageousness, uproariousness, and, most importantly, sheer volume of female nudity. Yet another Stifler ignites chaos in The Naked Mile. This time it's mild-mannered cousin Erik Stifler (John White), who remains a virgin as he enters his last year of high school and feels pressured to live up to the hard-partying legend of his family name. When Eric gets a pass from his girlfriend to visit a nearby college in time for the annual nude run of the movie's title, all the expected pranks, drunkenness, and over-the-top hijinks kick off with fantastically funny results. What you won't expect is the ass-tonishing amount of bare coed bodies on hand. Make a run for this Pie pronto.
*
DECEMBER 26, 2006
AMAR TE DUELE (2002)
STUDIO: Lions Gate
NUDES: Martha Higareda (Picture: 1 - 2) (breasts), Daniela Torres
THE SKINNY: Amar te duele hails from the glorious new wave of Mexican cinema that has spawned such recent skin classics as Y tu mam?ambi?/em (2001) and Battle in Heaven (2005). This acclaimed romance focuses on teenage lovers Renata (Martha Higareda), who hails from an upper-crust family, and dark-skinned comic-book artist Ulises (Luis Fernando Pe?b), who has grown up in poverty. Director Fernando Sari? elevates Amar te duele above a simple Romeo and Juliet retread with a flashy, innovative style, while Martha's topless turns make the movie a skinstant must-see.
ANGST (2003)
STUDIO: MTI Home Video
NUDES: Fiona Horsey (FFN, butt), Beth Steel (breasts), Amy Steel (breasts), Jaye Macaulay (FFN, butt)
THE SKINNY: One of the most shocking British features of the early twenty-first century, Angst made a splash on both sides of the pond for its graphic exploration of sex and violence. Fiona Horsey plays Helen, a timid young woman who discovers that she's got a devil nesting in her muff. Whenever a horny suitor tries to slip it in, Helen's vengeful vagina enacts instant and rather violent revenge. Even odder is the fact that Helen's merely one character in a bizarre ensemble cast that features sexy Siamese twin sisters, a knife-wielding maniac, and more. And because director Wolfgang B?/b relishes the details, Horsey and co-stars Jaye Macaulay, Amy Steel, and Beth Steel have plenty of opportunities to show off their assets in a variety of colorfully depraved scenarios.
THE BLACK DAHLIA (2006)
STUDIO: Universal Home Video
NUDES: Hilary Swank (Picture: 1) (butt), Mia Kirshner (Picture: 1 - 2) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Based on a James Ellroy novel that was, in turn, inspired by a horrifying true-life torture-murder in 1947 Hollywood, director Brian De Palma's The Black Dahlia updates a classic film-noir scenario for contemporary thrill seekers. Scarlett Johansson stays covered as the female lead, while The L Word's Mia Kirshner is brazenly bare several times as the titular victim, and she covers familiar girl-girl ground fantastically with Jemima Rooper in a stag film. Also watch for some upper-buttage in bed from Hilary Swank.
FACTOTUM (2005)
STUDIO: IFC Films
NUDES: Marisa Tomei (Picture: 1) (breasts), Emily Hynnek (Picture: 1) (breasts, thong)
THE SKINNY: Like Barfly (1987), the bourbon-soaked Factotum is based on the prose of cult literary icon Charles Bukowski. The title refers to a man of many jobs--none of them particularly well-paying--and the narrative captures the working stiff (played by Matt Dillon) as he drinks, writes, and methodically endures wage-slave drudgeries as a taxi driver, statue cleaner, factory worker, and more. Mordantly comical and cynically romantic, director Bent Hamer's film allows its downtrodden protagonist a few passing fancies. Emily Hynnek and Marisa Tomei flash breasts supple enough for the alcoholic protagonist to focus his eyes for a fleeting moment.
THE LAST KISS (2006)
STUDIO: DreamWorks
NUDES: Patricia Stasiak (Picture: 1) (breasts), Lisa Mackey (Picture: 1) (breasts), Cindy Sampson (Picture: 1) (breasts, butt)
THE SKINNY: After scoring sitcom stardom on Scrubs and stinking indie-flick gold with his directorial debut, Garden State (2004), Zach Braff returns to the big screen in The Last Kiss. Braff plays a neurotic Wisconsin native on the brink of thirty whose girlfriend (Jacinda Barrett) reveals that she's pregnant at a family dinner. Faced with this life-changing responsibility, Zach embarks on a whirlwind exploration of other possibilities, many of which involve naked mammaries not belonging to the mother-to-be of his child. The Last Kiss provides a first-rate display of female flesh.
MI AMIGO (2002)
STUDIO: ThinkFilm
NUDES: Jackie Belvin (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: The light-hearted western Mi Amigo stars Josh Holloway (who plays Sawyer on the smash series Lost) as a good-natured cowpoke. Beautiful Jackie Belvin portrays Josh's love interest and viewers' lovely skinterest as she strips for a skinny dip that's guaranteed to put steel in your six-shooter.
SCRATCH (2004)
STUDIO: Genius Products
NUDES: Anne Cathrin Buhtz (breasts), Edita Uzaite (Picture: 1) (breasts, butt), Laura Venckeviciute (Picture: 1) (breasts)
THE SKINNY: Scratch--or as it is known in its country of origin, Ratten 2 - Sie kommen wieder!--is a surprisingly entertaining mixture of action, thriller, and comedy that was clearly inspired by B-movies of the late '70s and early '80s. Rats are on the loose. This time they picked a way more rural area for their attack against human society, however, namely a small town called Kornostheim. Luckily this happens to be exactly where our experienced rat fighters Frank Dabrock (Ralph Herforth), his wife Katrin (Anne Cathrin Buhtz), Stuffz Hubert (Christian Kahrmann), and Honsa (Miroslav T?rsk?) are celebrating the wedding of their friend Axel (Janek Rieke).
SHEITAN(2006)
STUDIO: Tartan Video
NUDES: Roxane Mesquida (Picture: 1) (breasts), Aurore Faurois (Picture: 1) (breasts, butt), uncredited actresses
THE SKINNY: The French thriller Sheitan focuses on a gaggle of good-looking youths who leave a nightclub after a night of partying and stumble across a Satan-worshipping shepherd. This wild-and-literally-wooly sex-and-violence-filled cult favorite features Vincent Cassel in an over-the-top turn, as well as knockout nudity from its cr?-de-la-cr? female cast members.
