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“Easter Monday is the day after Easter—this year on March 28th,” begins a popular calendar app, “and is celebrated as a holiday in many Christian cultures, especially among Roman Catholics. In Poland, the Czech Republic, the Ukraine and parts of the United States, Easter Monday is called Dyngus Day, meaning ‘Wet Monday.’”

“On Wet Monday, boys and men armed with bottles and buckets of water chase after girls and splash them from head to toe. According to the original custom—dating back to pagan times—the most beautiful girl in the village would be the wettest, but nowadays boys just splash any girl they see.”

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“In Central Europe, the day after Easter is known as Śmigus Dyngus (sometimes pronounced Smingus-Dingus), which translates to mean something like ‘the day where boys are supposed to drench girls with water,’” explains one travel writer. “In olden times it was thought that the wetter a girl got, the more likely she was to marry (thus most didn’t try very hard to avoid the soaking), but as with most traditions the meaning has been lost for the most part, and now it’s just an excuse to dump buckets of water on the hottest girls you know. Basically, the whole point of the annual holiday is for guys to get girls wet.”

Writes one correspondent: “Wet Monday is even celebrated in Buffalo, New York and in cities throughout the U.S. with large Polish communities, and is most popularly known now as Dyngus Day” {the Urban Dictionary defines Dingus as being “slang for penis or dick”}. “In this joyous celebration, boys throw water on girls and also spank them.” Perhaps for wearing panties that turn transparent when drenched to the ‘trench’!

Some coeds—identified only as Anushka and Mokre—tried to pre-empt the aqua attacks by soaking themselves to the skin beforehand…and the effects of Poland Spring Water have them looking none the Warsaw for wear!

Not to throw water on such an exalted tradition, but the only damper that could be put on the chestivities is that many girls—knowing they’re going to be doused—take the precaution of wearing bras to limit their exposure.

So Sleuth has taken it upon himself to fix such tricks by honoring the fact that Wet Monday coincides with the climax of National Umbrella Month in the United States!

“March is National Umbrella Month,” reminds Day Calendar.com, “which we were surprised to learn seeing as how the saying goes ‘April Showers Bring May Flowers.” But perhaps Thomas Edward Knibb of nearby Frederick, Maryland originated the designation in March to ensure that everyone was prepared for the impending deluge…and wouldn’t be caught looking like an April fool.

Thus, in anticipation of precipitation, Sleuth has selected 16 for ’16: Sixteen sexy stars who try to stay dry under their umbrellas … and the sheer joy of seeing HOW WET THEY WOULD GETwithout their pair•a•sols!

We open our Umbrella homage with the Barbadian beauty who had a number one hit and won a Grammy for her 2007 smash entitled “Umbrella”—with its earworm come-on chorus: “You can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh eh eh.”

1. RIHANNA– Her song ‘Umbrella’ was originally written for Britney Spears, but rejected by her label.

2. ELLE MACPHERSON– Australian supermodel who rose to fame in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issues.

3. ELISABETTA CANALIS – Former fiancée of George Clooney who left him for Steve-O of Jackass.

4. KATE HUDSON – Goldie Hawn’s dishy daughter says she ‘gets cold and the shakes” seeing herself on screen. We’re sorry we mist that … as well as this stroll in a drizzle with sizzle prior to her breast implants.

5. CHRISTY TURLINGTON – Called “The Greatest Model of All Time” by fashion casting agent James Scully and named one of Time magazine’s ‘100 Most Influential People of 2014.’

6. KIRSTEN DUNST – One movie review headlined: “That Scene in Spider-Man Where She’s All Wet and Her Nipples are All Pokey (Otherwise Known as the Upside Down Kiss Scene with the Pokey Nipples).”

7. JENNIFER ANISTON – “The story of the ever-braless Aniston’s nipple pokies on the set of Just Go With It is now a trilogy,” raved The Nip Slip, “and the third part is the best part so far! Her body looks really good, so the pokies are just the cherry on top.” Ripe you are!

8. NINA AGDAL – ‘I feel so great when I treat my body right,” smiles the Great Dane supermodel. “I feel like I’m on top of everything. It works for me.” Us two …

9. BRIGITTE BARDOT – A 1957 essay called The Lolita Syndrome dubbed her ‘the locomotive of women’s history,” and she is universally known by her initials ‘B.B.’ Those pellets twinkle during a sprinkle!

10. SOPHIA LOREN – Born just 8 days before Bardot, the Italian Eyeful famously said: “Everything you see I owe to spaghetti.” Which reaches a boil when you add water …

11. KIM KARDASHIAN – Today’s version of the curvaceous Loren – though ‘with more ass and less class.’

12. EMMA STONE – Replaced Kirsten Dunst in the Spider-Man reboot, and won a Golden Globe nom for her leading role debut in Easy A. Which is the size cup to hold those pups …

13.KATE UPTON – Her great-grandad co-founded the Whirlpool corporation, and we Maytag this umbrella with her likeness on it a ‘must-have.’ Amana would have to be crazy to put her soaked crop top in a dryer!

14. KEIRA KNIGHTLEY – “I’ve got no tits,” the lithe Londoner laments…but when moist they’re choice!

15. OLIVIA WILDE – After admitting to Howard Stern she wore a “pubic merkin” on HBO’s Vinyl last week, the House honeypot revealed she’s “totally shaven.” Which was toe•tally evident after this mons•soon!

16. JACQUELINE BISSET – Her groundbreaking ‘skin diving’ in 1977’s The Deep is credited with creating the craze of Wet T-Shirt Contests that poured down right after! We get misty just thinking about it.

What goes up when the rain comes down? Umbrellas and men…who should be beaming when it’s teeming. Hopefully the season has more reason after seeing how the above stars became nippy when it became ‘drippy.’

So let’s toast THE END of National Umbrella Month with this boast: ‘For she’s a brolly good fellow!’