Brácula (Condemor II) (1997)

A big boat churning through European waters capsizes and sea voyagers and friends Condemor and Lucas miraculously find a coffin floating nearby and hold onto it for dear life. Buoyed by the body, the pair eventually drift ashore to be welcomed by some ghastly-looking locals who take Condemor for the Count … as in Dracula! No, it’s not a European spinoff of Twilight, it’s the Spanish horror spoof Brácula: Condemor II (1997). Having been awaiting the vamp’s arrival for two centuries, the terrifying townsfolk are transfixed by their version of Vlad the Impaler, making for a comedy of complications. 

A bobbing coffin may have saved the day in this flick, but it’d be more fun to be buoyed by the boobies of Carla Hidalgo! The blonde beauty makes her sexy debut in the spooky spoof by playing Lucía, and her Spanish spank-mams are definitely flotation device-worthy. It’s too bad she doesn’t flaunt them more -- she delivers only a taste of them, barely covered by her blonde locks, and then jammed together in a dress for some cleaveage teaseage. It’s hard to imagine those suckers being freed for us. We’d definitely have to free Willy!