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The second big awards show of the season airs tonight … the Screen Actors Guild (orSAG) Awards forms a pair with the prior Golden Globes.
So Sleuth feels it’s only fitting to pay homage to those amply-endowed actresses who managed to stay “natural” throughout their careers … even it means suffering some SAG to their golden globes!
While all of tonight’s Outstanding Actress nominees are modest in the mammary department: Amy Adams, Emma Stone, Emily Blunt, Meryl Streep and Natalie Portman …
… our focus is on certain stacked stars well deserving of the SAG Awards we're only two happy to bestow.
“Sagging or drooping of breasts is a natural, inevitable process that happens to all women at some point,” writes one gynecologist, “except to woman with fairly smallbreasts. Obviously, large breasts will sag easier since gravity is pulling them down more.”
As Health.com explains: “Your breasts droop as you get older due to stretching of the Cooper’s ligaments, the connective tissue in your breasts that keep ’em up and looking perky.” They are named after Sir Astley Cooper (below left), the royal physician to King George IV who first discovered the fibers that attach the breasts to the body (below right) in the early 1800s.
Which is why Sleuth as a youth referred to such bosoms with pals as “Cooper’s droopers.”
“We hate to break it to you,” Health.com tells its female readers, “but nothing can prevent the girls from goingsouth. A bra might hold up your breasts to give you the shape and look you want, but it can’t prevent further sagging”—a condition known in medical circles as “ptosis” {pronounced puh-TOE-sis}.
Ultra-fine YouTube sensation Cristen Conger (above left) suffers some “boob saggage—not be confused with Bob Saget,” she quips, despite her sallow chest (above right).
And Cristen notes that the “main players in keeping our boobs perky is skin elasticity, tissue density and breastsize.” And she tells all about it is this in•formative video called ‘Saggy Boob Science’ … which has already garnered nearly 100,000 views on You Tube:
“I understand that some people will see sexy photos of me on the Internet and imagine what’s underneath those reinforced undies,” comely Conger concedes.
But she also admits: “When I studied abroad in Spain during college, the beaches my friends and I went to were topless. The first time I overcame my initial nervousness and removed my bikini top, nothing happened. My exposed breasts were just breasts, not billboards for sexual willingness, and it felt incredible.”
“Cristen explores what’s ‘normal’ in the boob realm,” is how her Stuff Mom Never Told You site video is introduced, “to get to the bottom of why boob sag happens.”
And it just so happens that many men don’t seem to mind! “I’m not going to lie, there is something about that natural sag that turns me on,” Lead Taco posted in the top gaming site IGN’s ‘I Like Saggy Tits’ forum thread.
There are also multiple mam memes on the subject:
“Whenever I undo a girl’s bra, I’m fully prepared for them to collapse due to the force of gravity pulling them down,” adds NewestYOrker in response. And the more they descend, the deeper the cleavage!
Drooping décolletage has actually become fashionable … with advice at The Huffington Post as to ‘How to Get the Saggy Boob Look.’
“A reader of mine asked, ‘How do you get that ‘saggy boob’ look while wearing a bra?’” writes actress turned author Kate Albrecht (above right), whose YouTube channel ‘Mr. Kate’ boasts over 900,000 subscribers.
“I do embrace the saggy boob look on PURPOSE,” Kate con•firms. “I purposefully wear bras with little or no reinforcement—though I often have my mother’s voice ringing in my ears: ‘Wear a supportive bra so you’re not kicking your tits around by the time you’re 40!’ The truth is, my boobs aren’t really THAT saggy, but I think what’s deceptive about their downward persuasion is that they’re REAL.”
“Basically,” Albrecht adds, “I think the perception of what boobs are supposed to look like has changed since the advent of the silicone/saline/recycled gummy bear boob phenom.”
Indeed, in the Sixties, natural was normal (that’s Sleuth’s bosom bud Michelle Angelo ENDing up on the right).
The New Normal is based on the brassiere boast to “lift and separate” … so it seams we could all use a lift by adding a separate Second Part to our SAG Awards accolade.
Stay tuned …
