How Is It Possible To Be That Hot Every Minute Of Every Day?

Of all the great mysterious in life—where do we come from, why are we here, and why are Whole Foods parking lots so damn small—the one that keeps me up all night pondering is how is Sofia Vergara always so damn hot.  

It doesn’t matter what she’s wearing, where she is on vacation, or who she is with Sofia Vergara seems to always, always be really damn hot. I have this belief that it’s actually against the law for Sofia Vergara to wear a bikini, that’s why you always see her in an one-piece bathing suit. You see, if Sofia Vergara wore a bikini it would, in fact, be too hot for any of us handle. Those with weak hearts would fall over dead, if someone was driving and saw Sofia Vergara in a bikini they would crash, if an airline pilot caught a glimpse of Sofia Vergara in a two-piece… well, you get the idea. All I’m saying is that Sofia Vergara makes one-piece bathing suits the sexiest swimsuits ever, ever. It’s crazy, it really is, that one person could be that hot all of the time.  

I don’t know if it’s Sofia Vergara’s cleavage, Sofia Vergara’s curves, Sofia Vergara’s lips, or some sort of combination that makes her so hot all the damn time, all I know I lie awake at night staring at Sofia Vergara’s Instagram account trying to figure out how she does it.