Early buzz suggested that our favorite freckled ex-woman in prison, Lindsay Lohan, would be nude in the new Robert Rodriguez grindhouse send-up, Machete (2010).

The movie doesn't open until Friday, but one of our trust Skin scouts hit an early screening today to get the skinny.

Final skinalysis? There's nudity, but NONE of it is from Lindsay or costar Jessica Alba!

Before you punch a wall in frustration, the good news is that we were able to get a clip the first scene in Machete, which features the screamingly hot, very Eva Mendes-like Mayra Leal showing ass-tounding naked boobs and ass when she stabs Danny Trejo with the titular weapon, then pulls a cell phone out of her (sadly hidden) hair pie. Members can view the clip here!

As for the rest of the flick, we have some hot hooter action under a waterfall from sexy Alicia Rachel Marek and some uncredited babes.

Here's the full skinny:

(0:03) Danny Trejo busts in on a bedroom where Mayra Leal is lying with her breasts exposed and possibly a hint of shadowed bush. He picks her up and carries her out giving us a nice view of her ass over his shoulder. She begins flirting with him, commenting on his “long, hard” machete which she grabs and stabs him with. She stands before him on the ground, giving us more nice looks at her boobs and great butt. From behind we see her reach between her legs and pull a cell phone from her vagina.

(0:25) Cheryl Chin is in a bikini and brings a phone to Steven Seagal. Some brief breasts from an anonymous girl at poolside and a woman in a bikini top is standing next to Seagal.

(0:30) Jessica Alba is playing some sort of Wii fighting game in an enormously tight and sexy workout outfit.

(0:35) Jessica Alba is in the shower. It is the tilted shot we see in the trailer that straightens itself out, only she is not wearing anything as we are meant to believe in the trailer. Her breasts and crotch are strategically covered by her arms and legs, but just a single inch of movement in the camera in anyway and we would see something. It's a beautiful shot.

(0:55) Lindsay Lohan is in the pool with Alicia Rachel Marek playing her mother. Marek’s breasts are very visible above the water, but Lohan’s are kept entirely underneath. She asks Danny Trejo to join them and we cut to the shot from the trailer where Marek and the unknown blonde are the women whose breasts are exposed on either side of them. It is most definitely not Lohan in this shot. After that flashback, so to speak, Trejo has them placed in the back of his hearse where they are passed out. Lohan is on the left and we can only see partial left breast on her, again obscured by an arm.

(0:57) Jeff Fahey watches the pool footage from earlier (in the Grindhouse trailer) with Marek & the unknown blonde again making out with Trejo with their boobs exposed.

(1:20) Lindsay Lohan and Alicia Rachel Marek wake up, both nude. We can see Marek’s breasts. Lohan’s, though, are obscured by her blonde hair.

(1:30) Michelle Rodriguez emerges from the back of an ambulance sporting her new look with an eyepatch and a black leather bra which we will see her in for the rest of the movie.

(1:41) In the final scene of the film, Jessica Alba gets out of a police car after pulling over Trejo. From the waist down we see her in a short skirt and thigh-high boots.